The relationship between Prince Charles and Princess
Diana has been one of the most publicly consumed and picked over marriages that has ever existed.
There is so much global interest in what happened between them, in how a perfect fairytale completely
unraveled.
And specially an interest in what happened to the wildly loved Princess Diana, at the
hands of her seemly distrustful, adulterous husband, and powerful unfeeling Royal family.
It seems to be that people very strongly feel like - Diana good, Charles bad.
Now, you know me, at Baggage Claim my goal is to always dive into a topic to find the
nuance that might be entirely missed by tabloid representation, or in this case, representation
by one very popular netflix docu-drama.
The Crown, with it’s recent release of Season 4 has opened up some old wounds but also brought
up to speed a new generation on the dramatic falling apart of the royal marriage during
the 80s and 90s.
But like many people are discussing, and many of you have brought up in the comments to
previous videos, The Crown is fiction.
There are many inaccuracies, specifically designed to make the Royal family look bad
since the show’s creator, Peter Morgan, is an anti monarchist.
But I want to talk about one particular representation, which is why did Charles and Diana’s marriage
fall apart?
According to the show, and to be honest, according to Princess Diana herself, the relationship
failed because as she put it, there were three people in the marriage.
And that the family found her to be a threat, because they felt jealous of the kind of attention
and love she was getting over the rest of the members, including Charles.
Now, I’m not saying that Diana is lying, but I do think that we don’t have the full
story, since we’ve only ever heard her side.
Whereas Charles has barely ever commented on allegations against him, as well as forbidden
his friends from commenting, following the Royal family dictum of “Never complain,
never explain”
Now despite never hearing the full story, I can wholeheartedly say that it’s very
tempting to take Diana’s side 100%.
And here’s why - Diana is beautiful, not just from the outside, but when you look at
her charitable work, her ability to feel, to resonate and care for people, she seems
almost unreal.
Add that to her very tragic demise at a young age, means that phrases like “The good die
young” or “She was too good for this world” seem very fitting for her life story.
In contrast, Charles is a very distant, hard to connect with figure, who always has his
battle uniform on.
You’ll never see his guard down, see him emotional, frustrated, or anything but strictly
professional.
And it feels easy to interpret that as unfeeling, and uncaring and unkind.
So naturally in the court of public opinion - Charles bad, Diana good.
Interestingly enough, Prince William has gone after his father, putting on nothing but his
professional face on, while Prince Harry seems to have gone after his mother, very openly
showing his emotions and frustrations publicly,
But coming back to Charles and Diana - I disagree with the Crown and Princess Diana’s assessment
of why her marriage broke down.
And I know this is going to upset a lot of people, so hear me out.
Because things are never that simple and one sided.
I think Violet from Downton Abbey put it perfectly.
Clip
So when someone is telling their side of the story, they’re naturally going to tell it
in a way that favors them and puts the other person solely in the bad light.
I know I do this!
When I retell the story of a fight I’ve had with someone, I make it seem like I was
perfectly reasonable, while the other person was acting bananas.
Honestly, my mom calls me out on it every damn time.
I think this is a protective thing that we all do, because we want to share our side,
and I think Diana’s biggest worry was that the Royal family being as powerful as they
are, would rob her of any rights to visit her children, so needed to make sure that
they couldn’t spin the truth in their favor.
Hence she put her story out there first.
In the one Interview that Charles addressed the issues in his marriage, he absolutely
insisted that in the beginning he was completely true to Diana.
And even though I believe him, I have to say the way he answers that question is downright
shifty!
He’s so unconvincing.
Some people might understandably think this is because he’s lying.
But i think it’s because he’s so uncomfortable talking about such private things so publicly.
So why do I believe him?
It’s because of Lady Colin Campbell.
For those of you who don’t know her, Lady C as she’s known, is a British socialite
who’s written many books about the Royal family, most recently she wrote one on Prince
Harry and Meghan Markle.
If you haven’t had a chance to read that book - I highly recommend it!
It’s a great behind the scenes look on what really happened during their time in the royal
family.
Lady C knew Princess Diana while she was still married to Charles, and interviewed her extensively
when Diana asked her to write a book on her to tell her side of the story.
Diana’s main motivation was to help people understand that it’s not all roses being
married to royalty.
Lady C heard Diana’s side about how difficult the marriage was, but as she normally does,
went on to confirm the details, by interviewing friends, staff, family, courtiers, to see
if everything matched up with Diana’s story.
And there were times that it didn’t.
Since Lady C wasn’t publishing exactly what Diana wanted, Lady C and Diana ended up falling
out, and Diana approached Andrew Morton to publish what she called “her side
So here’s where Diana’s version and Lady C’s version differ in 3 significant ways
-
Charles was true to his marriage in the beginning - Lady C’s research including looking at
letters, speaking with staff and friends, seems to confirm what Charles was saying,
that he was monogamous to Diana and committed to her, and even Diana had told Lady C that
in the beginning the two of them were extremely happy.
The idea of Camilla being Charles’s one true love was heavily exaggerated by the press.
Before his marriage, Camilla was one of the many different women that Charles was dating.
And Charles only resumed seeing her after their marriage had, as he put it, irretrievably
broken down.
Diana was not simply an innocent party in a bad marriage - According to Lady C, the
marriage soured not because Charles was in love with Camilla, but because Charles and
Diana were intensely ill suited and were very bad at loving each other the way the other
person wanted.
While Diana was passionate and open, Charles was quiet and avoidant.
As a result Diana often felt angry at Charles for not showing her consistent affection,
and in turn Charles felt like he was being pushed away by Diana’s anger.
Both felt unloved, and both of them sought affection outside of the marriage - Diana
with her body guard, Trevor Rees-Jones and, later, with James Hewitt, and Charles with
women like Marchese Bona di Frescobaldi, Eva O’Niell, and Camilla Parker Bowles.
According to Lady C, Charles’s commitment to Camilla came much later.
The Royal Family did not feel threatened by Diana’s success - Lady C does not believe
that the Royal Family felt jealous or threatened by the attention Diana was attracting - This
is a common accusation that even the crown is making against the Royal family as are
Harry and Meghan.
According to Lady C, the family was concerned that Diana’s charity work could be considered
controversial, which it was at that time and the royal family likes to stay away from taking
strong opinions or participating in controversies.
And she maintains that Charles was always proud of Diana and appreciated the attention
she got, feeling that it was well deserved.
Where the Royal family felt frustrated by Diana was that she was letting the side down
by airing dirty laundry publicly.
In her book, The Real Diana, Lady C goes into considerable more detail.
I highly recommend you all check it out.
Now why does this all matter?
It could seem like we’re just talking about idle gossip but it’s not.
It’s about understanding that marriages are so complex and can’t be reduced down
to one particular issue, or one person to blame.
My take away from the book was not to be against Diana.
Instead, I felt like I understood both sides a little better, that there is so much more
nuance than The Crown or even Diana made it seem.
I don’t think that Diana was being manipulative or anything.
I think she was scared, and she felt trapped, and was trying to get out with as much of
herself intact as was possible.
I think were Diana a little older, and had spent more time with Charles that the 13 times
she met him before their engagement, I think both of them would have seen just how unsuitable
they were for each other, and just how miserable they were capable of making each other.
It seems that Diana finally found what she was looking for but not until a few weeks
before her death, when she met Dodi - a man who loved her and prioritized her the way
she wanted.
And after the miseries she suffered Im glad she experienced love, even if it was only
for a bit.
And on the other side, I’m also happy for Charles, for finding and settling down with
Camilla, since she seems to give him exactly what he’s needed in life.
But Charles and Diana’s marriage will forever be a reminder of just how broken a fairytale
can be.
And that things are rarely what they seem.
I hope you enjoyed this video, if you did please like, and please subscribe.
I’ve been a little nervous about making it because I know people feel so strongly
on this matter.
But what do you guys think?
Do you believe that it was all Charles’s fault or do you think there’s more to the
story?
Let me know in the comments, as always I love hearing from you all.
And I’ll see you next time!