HEY I'M DRUNK!
aaaaAAAAAAH
OHHH *crashes*
Halo 2: Return of the Space opens as a courtroom drama
the stupid elite from Halo 1 that gave Sgt. Dude a hug
is now being declared a gay boy by the high command of the convience store.
[Arbiter]: Guys, I'm not gay!
[Old Guy]: Tell that to the judge...
[Old Guy]: which is me.
Of course you play again as Megazord Prime
And he's gotta calibrate his lasers just right
And even though he clearly blew up with the Barbiter
Sgt. Dude is still alive.
[Sgt. Dude]: Man, You gonna need a bigger halo than that to kill me!
[Keyes]: Hey, Sgt. Dude, I heard you were gay.
[Sgt. Dude]: Yeah.
This one is called Halo 2 because you can have 2 guns instead of one.
And Robotech shoots his way through the space station once again only to find a giant conch shell.
*TSSSH* "Mean Green Machine, what are you doing with that conch shell, over?" *TSSSH*
HALO 2 BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*TSSSH* Roger that, roger...
*Heroic music plays*
YEEEE HAAAAAA
So now we are back on Earth
With the
*stuttering*
*stuttering* a puh- puh- that's a puh- a puh- that's a puh- puh- that's a puh--
Then you gotta go over the big bridge with the big bazooka tank
And the big ol' Scorpion King Robot Gundam
Comes outta nowhere and blows this stupid tank to kingdom come
And Doctor Robotnik jumps on the Scorpion King and he's like
"IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING"
But he cooked it way too long now its smoking cause it's burnt.
Meanwhile in Koopa's Castle
The aliens are like "Oops turns out you weren't gay
As our apology to you, you get to be Megaman for a week."
[Arbiter]: HAHA, I WAS GAY THE WHOLE TIME!
Wait a minute, you gotta play as the bad guys?
Naawwh turn this game off! I don't wanna-- turn this off!
*theme music*
Alright I'll play, I'll play... but only because it's a sneak mission
Like my favorite game: "Sneak-King"
*Metal Gear Solid Discovery Noise*
Oh no they found me out-- !!
You fight your way up to these traitor elite guys's Koopa's Castle
And this guy after twenty hours of chasing him you find... oh wait...
Arbiter is dead...
Dangit.
And then you finally corner this guy
And then outta nowhere
Evil Surk is up in there and Arbiter's like
[Arbiter]: Evil Surk... you traitor!
[Evil Surk]: No no no... I'm not- I'm not evil anymore... I'm a good guy now
[Arbiter]: Oh. Okay.
[Evil Surk]: NOW MURDER THIS GUY
[Arbiter]: Oh okay Evil Surk, I kill--
Meanwhile
BWWWWWWWNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
WHOO
Let's do it again!
Hey we found Halo 2... We found Halo 2 everybody!
*small applause* Good job! Good j--
Let's shoot out the escape pods guys, that worked really good the first time!
So now they're messing around on Halo again just like old times.
Going over the big old river on a stupid horizontal elevator thing just like old times.
And then you get to this submarine thing and you go
I hit the button
UNDER THE SEAAA
Under the SEAAA
DOWN WHERE IT'S BETTER, HERE TAKE A SWEATER, UNDER THE SEA
*Dunkey hums the melody to Under the Sea*
Alright there is a little more
You gotta go into this building
And hijack this guy on his chair. *Dunkey breaks out into laughter*
Beat him to death! *laughing*
*cough* Oh God
ITS A PURPLE LASER GET OUTTA THERE
GET OUT
RUN!
RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN AWWWWwwwwwwwwwwww
*Dunkey whistles "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion*
My heart will go on... under the sea
*Dunkey hums a mournful version of Under the Sea*
Meanwhile, in space...
The monkeys are taking over the convenience store.
[Monkey]: Excuse me Sir, can I borrow this? [Elite]: Ah yes, of course, my gentleman
[Monkey]: GIVE ME THIS YOU PIECE OF CRAP *UNGH* I'M A MONKEY *UNGH*
[Arbiter]: So what's the next mission you old coots?
[Old Guy]: Duhhh... We're gonna turn on Halo and kill everything in the whole wide world.
[Old Guy]: It's a great journey bro.
[Arbiter]: Sounds pretty funny, Hitler
[Old Guy]: No you're Hitler, Hitler.
[Arbiter]: Thank you, Hitler.
So now you gotta go back to Halo as the Arbiter.
This is the longest Halo EVER!
Oh hey look, it's the Calendar of August!
You gotta go up in this ship thing and then you gotta go up in here... up in here...
AH HEY LOOK IT'S A RACE!
*Dunkey imitates car noises while Mario Kart music plays in the background*
Aww he won
Aaaand the Arbiter turned into a girl.
Aaaannndddd he gets the glowy T.
*Ba Bang BANG* Oh wait there he is... No, that's him... alright now I get it...
[Sgt. Dude]: Oh hey baby, How you been?
Get over here, the Monkey King is kidnapping the princess!
He's taking the glowy T, too!
*gasp* And he's and taking Sgt. Dude!
[Arbiter]: But he only loves me!
[Monkey King]: Nope!
PEWW
*Dunkey sings My Heart Will Go On*
So now this big rock plant guy is literally holding all the major characters
In the palm of his hands.
Then he sits them down and he's like: "Look, Evil Surk... you're obviously still evil."
"Old Guy you're just stupid,"
"Halo blows up everything, you two go do my bidding."
And somehow he throws RoboCross right into the friggin' headquarters of the Convenience Store.
[Old Guy]: OH NO
HE'S HEADED TOWARDS THE RUMPUS ROOM
Why'd they call it the Rumpus room?
OHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
It's a real Rumpus... all the aliens are trying to kill each other, trying to turn off this stupid Nickelback music
And all the Monkeys are trying to escape outta the back but the Flood attacks the Old Guy and he's like
[Old Guy 1]: *Ha-babababa* [Old Guy 2]: Leave him Donkey Kong, we dont have enough time to kill that single Flood guy... Lets get outta here.
[Master Chief]: Hey did you guys know that I can FLYYYYYyyyyy?
[Master Chief]: Hey you need help with that thing? *Balloon Pop* That took like one second to do.
[Cortana]: Master Chef, I have to stay here for some reason.
[Cortana]: Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, You're my only hope
*gasp*
P-hhh-ELICAN
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
RoboHorn goes back into the Spook House, but he inadvertently get sucked into time itself.
*theme from 2001: A Space Oddyssey*
*theme from 2001: A Space Oddyssey* *DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN*
*theme from 2001: A Space Oddyssey*
So now its all up to the Barbiter.
And... fight your way through and OH HEY LOOK, SGT. DUDE!
He got the Scorpion King Metal Gear!
[Sgt. Dude]: Ayyyy, I Wanna be your king if you know whay I'm sayin!
*gorilla noises*
[Arbiter]: Stop right there, videogamedunkey!
[Monkey King]: Barbiter, I must turn on Halo 2, It's my destiny.
[Monkey King]: Tell them, GameCube!
Evil Surk: Don't turn on Halo 2, I'm a good guy now. Don't turn it--
YOU JUST TOLD ME TO TURN IT ON
He has the thing, aww crap!
*Donkey Kong Music*
Yea, we got him!
QUICK GRAB THE THING
*gasp*
Awww no, its shooting a thing off!
No no no no no no no no no!
*HUUUUUUUUH*
AWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Ah-- Awwwww dangit.
Looks like we saved the day.
*laughing*
[Sgt. Dude]: Ayy this is my new boyfriend!
So Evil Surk starts explaining to 'em that there is like a million Halo 2s...
[Evil Surk]: You guys pretty much accomplished nothing this whole game.
*BWWWWWSSSSSSH*
[Officer]: *TSHHH* Enemy spaceship on radar. *TSHHH* Prepare to blow it to smithereens. *TSHHH*
[Master Chief]: Guys no, it's just me MechaSoft 2!
[Admiral]: Oh, it's just you RoboCross. What are you doing on that bad guy spaceship?
HALO 3
BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE