In the three years Donald Trump has been president,
America has changed in many ways.
The country is more divided than ever,
official government policies are now announced on Twitter,
and the red phone in the White House
now connects you directly to KFC.
But one change we didn't expect from Trump's presidency
was an explosion of books.
From anti-Trump books
to books calling him the second coming of Christ,
we've seen it all.
And who could have ever predicted
that so many books would exist,
thanks to a president who can't read.
(laughter)
Now, anyone can write a book.
And I do mean anyone.
But what's interesting
is how many of these books were written by people
who worked inside the White House.
And the latest book making headlines
comes from Nikki Haley, former ambassador to the U.N.
and woman who just captured James Bond.
And she's not holding back.
TV REPORTER: In her memoir out this week, Nikki Haley
takes on former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson
and former White House Chief of Staff John Kelly,
claiming the two men undermined and ignored President Trump
from inside the White House.
Haley writes: "Kelly and Tillerson confided in me
that when they resisted the president,
they weren't being subordinate,
they were trying to save the country.
They should have been saying that to the president,
not asking me to join them on their sidebar plan.
To undermine a president
is really a very dangerous thing.
Okay. This is a bombshell I did not expect.
Rex Tillerson and General Kelly
were resisting Trump in the White House?
That is shocking.
Although it does explain
why they were wearing those pussy hats,
but, still, I mean...
This is big news, because this book,
this book basically makes it sound like two
of Trump's top officials were constantly trying
to stop Trump from causing trouble or getting into trouble.
You know, it's like that thing parents do, you know,
when they swap a real thing with a toy from their baby.
You know when parents do that?
Be like, "Whoa, whoa. Give me Daddy's cell phone back
and you can have the big boy phone."
And the kid is happy. They're just like,
"Hello. Is this the president of Ukraine?
"Hello? Give me the doo doo on Biden.
"I want the doo doo on Biden.
"Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye.
He told me the cow says, 'moo.'"
That's basically what was happening.
And I've got to say, this is a really complicated issue,
'cause on the one hand,
I understand where Nikki Haley is coming from.
America voted for Trump, right?
He won the electoral college.
And so his policies are what people voted for,
so his staff shouldn't try to undermine him.
On the other hand, this is also the same president
who suggesting nuking hurricanes.
So maybe (bleep) blocking him is a good idea?
I don't know.
And while Nikki Haley's book
is all about allowing Trump to be Trump,
there's another book making headlines right now
with the total opposite message.
And this book is coming from inside the White House.
TV REPORTER: A warning creating instant shock waves.
The anonymous author who claims to be
a senior Trump administration official
paints a picture of a president who is unstable and inept.
The writer describing a near-daily
five-alarm fire drill,
where senior officials cancel plans
and race to the White House to prevent the president
from enacting his latest wacky or destructive idea.
The author saying behind closed doors,
the president makes racist and misogynistic remarks,
describing him as reckless,
and without full control of his faculties.
Oh, my God.
Trump is erratic, racist and misogynist?
Thank God we have this inside source.
How else would we have known?
Oh, wow!
(applause)
Seriously, I...
I don't get it.
We all know this stuff already.
Like, these are not revelations.
This is like a spy coming out of Russia, like,
(with Russian accent): "You didn't hear it from me,
"but Russia is very big.
I should go. I've said enough."
(normal voice): So look, the truth is,
if you want to learn something new about Trump,
this book is probably not gonna do it for you.
But one person who might actually have revelations
about Trump is John Bolton,
former national security advisor and permanent Got Milk ad.
He claims to have unique insider information
relevant to the impeachment probe,
but he's not telling Congress about it.
He might be saving it for his upcoming book.
TV REPORTER: An attorney for former
national security advisor John Bolton
revealed on Friday that Bolton
was "personally involved in many of the events,
meetings and conversations
at the center of the impeachment probe,
as well as many relevant meetings and conversations
that have not yet been discussed publicly.
Bolton had been scheduled to testify
as part of the impeachment probe, last Thursday,
but he did not appear.
Bolton has a new book deal with Simon and Schuster,
and, according to reports,
that deal is worth about $2 million.
Oh, I see.
So Bolton might spill the beans
on impeachable offenses by the president,
but only for $2 million.
Yes, he's truly the hero America deserves.
Imagine if someone like that called 911. Just like,
"Hello, police, there's a killer on the loose."
"Okay, sir, where is he?"
"Venmo me 20 bucks and I'll tell you."
(laughter)
And I'm not gonna lie,
I'm not impressed by the news of Bolton's book,
because what's the point of releasing anything on Trump
if it comes out next year?
Right? Impeachment is gonna be happening now.
And worst of all,
Bolton totally stole his cover from Michelle Obama.
I don't care what anybody says.
That is not his look.
(laughter)
So, look, look, the truth is
whether it's Anonymous, Nikki Haley or John Bolton,
beneath it all, these books are all trying to do the same thing:
profit off the chaos.
Because these books don't help the country.
They just trade on rumors and innuendo
to make the authors money.
Like, if someone has valuable information about the president,
they should just tell the American people
instead of holding out for a big payday.
It's about the president. It's about the country.
-(cheering and applause) -And...
And you know what?
I actually think I know how we fix this.
Like, I-I'm gonna tell you how we fix this
in my new book...
called Buy My Book: a Book I Want You to Buy.
(laughter)
-(cheering and applause) -For just $29.99...
For just $29.99,
you will learn shocking facts
like Trump is a bad person,
Trump has divided America
and Mike Pence seems like a weird guy.
But, most importantly, my book finally reveals
how Americans can get Trump out of office.
So make sure you get a copy when it comes out in 2025.