now once upon a time england and spain were at war and the way that plays out in the new world
is you go up to your local governor and say hello governor i would like to do unspeakable things to
spanish merchants and give you 10 of their stuff and the governor says jolly good and hands you a
letter of mark so that if you're ever out keel-hauling some poor spanish sailor and
an englishman for whatever reason pulls you over you show him this piece of paper to let him know
you might be a pirate but you are a pirate who pays his taxes or i guess more accurately it's
a way to explain why you just pulled into port royal accompanied by 300 men with guns
it's 1660 now and the war with spain is over so everybody's meant to yo their last ho and pack in
their weapons but that's where mr modiford comes in moniford was the governor of jamaica and he
was kind of like your cool uncle or the parent you go to to ask permission after the other one told
you no because he tried to pass a law to stop privateering but unfortunately stealing spanish
[ __ ] was like 90 of jamaica's economy so he just undid it but moniford knew that spain wouldn't sit
idly by while her ships were being sunk and looted and he knew that sooner or later the
spanish would tie everything back to jamaica and he knew it was only a matter of time before the
island would be under attack so he thought long and hard and racked his brain to come
up with a way to prevent violence and he came up with overwhelming violence which is how it
came to be that he passed the letter of mark to one henry morgan and told him to run buckwild
shiver me timbers it's the dread pirate henry morgan and he's after our booty that's right
i'm coming to get your booty and make terrible puns while i blow you to kingdom come and dance
on your ashes quickly deploy anti-pirate measures whatnot you've been in canada this whole time he
thinks we're in canada now that we are protected by nordvpn our ip has been rerouted and there's
not a thing these scallywags can do to touch us we can be anywhere around the world by the devil
they're in japan we'll never be able to catch them at this rate dandy dandy dandy dandy dandy dandy
dandy park from whence did these wandering players appear oh that's the best part if you change your
ip with nordvpn you gotta watch shows that are region blocked in your country new amsterdam 99
anyone what about the other forts in our humble city how shall we protect them surely we shall
bankrupt all of spain if we give them all nordvpn not at all for just the price of a cup of coffee
we can connect up to six devices with a single account don't miss out on this discount go to
nordvpn.com jack rackham and unlock the true value of your streaming services today buck wild at
sea anyway not to go wantonly attacking civilian towns but says morgan look at it this way i loot a
spanish ship yes 10 is going to the english those are the rules i suck a spanish town that's illegal
and so you won't ask for a cut still illegal oh come on they're a rival empire i'm practically
doing you a favor and if you sack a town 50 miles inland well they'll never see it coming that
was morgan's reasoning anyway but unfortunately there wasn't much loot there according to fellow
privateer sir mix-a-lot quote it caused a general resentment and grief to see such a small booty
things were not looking up when 200 of his french crewmates all left after an incident
where an englishman on board stabbed one of them but nonetheless morgan had a plan to turn things
around a city with far superior booty something on the continent with heavy fortifications
the beautiful port of portobello honestly i don't know why you're bringing this up to me don't be a
spoilsport i'll bring you back a souvenir morgan began his attack before dawn approaching one of
the city's forts he'd taken a prisoner earlier in the night and used him to approach the walls
alonzo who are these guys friends of yours uh they're pirates and they want you to surrender
open fire and then the town was on high alert morgan captured the fort and was gracious enough
to accept the garrison's surrender did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory in paris
no no all they found was debris
yeah so the governor and all the citizens hiding in the city's other big fort were not in the
mood to surrender after morgan blew up all his prisoners this little castle turns out to be
substantially harder to crack morgan's men are shooting down the defenders atop the walls but
taking heavy casualties and getting no closer to breaking the walls so morgan decides to get
creative again he builds a bunch of ladders and then rounds up all the local priests and nuns and
uses them as human shields to approach the fort not just that but uses them to lead the assault
eventually the pirates make their way in and the governor goes down in a blaze of glory which is to
say in great pain while shooting pirates even some of his own men who had tried to surrender this guy
was ice-cold morgan stayed in portobello for a month stripped all its valuables and demanded
350 000 pesos for the city's return the president of panama wrote to morgan to declare we will not
negotiate with terrorists morgan wrote back saying we killed the army you sent to recapture the city
how about 100 000 pesos he and morgan must have really become good pen pals over his month in
portobello because the president of panama also wrote to say oh captain morgan you're
such a brilliant commander won't you send me a token of how you took the city humiliation
kink not really my thing but here you go knock yourself out and he sent him a small pistol with
a handful of bullets and a note that said keep it in your mansion i'll be sacking you next year
i mean your cydia i'll attack the capital where's the wide out what do you mean invented 1956.
once again however morgan would face an unexpected setback at a dinner with the captains of his fleet
it was an unfortunate accident that killed half his captains and most of his crew but
he decided to put that set back behind him by attacking venezuela he raided lake maracaibo
actually a bay and was having a jolly time pulling refugee spaniards from the jungle and
viciously torturing them to uncover their buried treasure yar but shock and horror a
spanish fleet came and blocked the exit to the bay spanish captain espinoza had been tasked
with eradicating piracy so he told morgan the only way you leave this bay alive is if
you put down the things you just stole at which point we'll wish you a safe and happy journey
back to jamaica and morgan says i'd rather die sir they don't appear to be firing oh
i guess he really would rather die sir we've just received another message from the pirates
and the first man said the captain's gone gone where did he go all over the place
there's still the fort you'll never get past then tell them we shall fight our way through and then
everyone in the fort panicked as morgan's rowboats came ashore and they pointed all of their guns
towards land while the empty pirate ships fluted out with the tide then the crew popped up dropped
their sails and boogied out morgan would have just one last great adventure in his career when he
finally made good on his promise to the president of panama martiford had originally retracted
morgan's letter of mark for all of his illegal shenanigans until the spanish started hitting
him back with their own privateers at which point martiford replied hey morgan why don't you go for
a walk morgan was now at his most powerful with 30 ships and 2 000 men under his command on his way
to panama he seized control of a fort at the mouth of the chagris river rode up in canoes and handily
defeated several ambushes laid by the panamanian governor morgan continues to prove himself a more
clever commander than you would expect of the delinquent son of a welsh farmhand luring in
the spanish cavalry and utterly defeating their army the governor hatches a new plan of his own
one unorthodox enough to throw even morgan off guard he rounds up all of the oxen in town and
releases them onto the battlefield and once frightened by the gunfire they stampede and
create utter chaos unfortunately they stampeded into the spanish army so the governor knows only
one thing that can stop morgan from getting his plunder men commence raiding and pillaging
morgan arrives in jamaica nearly empty-handed only to discover ah mr morgan
muddy food seems our luck's run out i'm afraid the king signed an agreement not to do any more
harm to the spanish and well you've just blown up one of the largest trading hubs in the new world
listen to them heartless savages always happy to watch a good hanging i've got to be real with you
i was really hoping i would die with someone cooler well at least i didn't hijack a nunnery
oh oh my goodness how did we get here and london why did it have to be london they
oh gentlemen what a pleasure it is to meet you your majesty please your majesty was my
father call me chuck this is a hell of a last meal last meal oh good heavens no you're heroes
no just anything to stop the spanish queen's whining we fought cromwell we kept you safe
where's panama city nagnag nag legally speaking you are sitting in the tower of london right now
you're very sorry for being such a bad sport give it a few years and now you're sir henry morgan
lieutenant governor of jamaica i kid you not the man was arrested taken to england probably never
put in jail knighted by the king and sent back to jamaica as the deputy governor he never got
on well with the other officials being a former pirate and all that and he was still investing
in other pirates he couldn't give out letters of mark so he directed all of his privateer friends
to tortuga to go attack the spanish on france's payroll but eventually one of the former governors
paid 50 000 pounds to the king and got sir morgan fired but by then morgan was around 50 so rather
than return to the sea and embark on more raids to force nuns to do his dirty work at the point of a
gun he embraced the life of an english gentleman and raided the hills of jamaica to capture the
descendants of escaped slaves and forced them to do his dirty work at the point of a gun
you