(laughing)
(muffled talking)
- Come on.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Alicia likes to say that, and she's right.
And what better way to teach your kids
and yourself to go gentle
and not compare yourself to others than with Bluey?
Ah, Bluey.
Mended Light.
(upbeat orchestral music)
(crowd cheering)
- I love this show.
So we're gonna look at season two.
"It's a Baby Race" is the episode
we're looking at right now.
And we're gonna talk about
therapy, but also parenting.
I'm bringing both of those experiences together.
How can you help yourself and your kids
to be happy with who you are,
and not to get stuck in the comparison trap.
You know, getting your value from the
from comparing yourself to others
or feeling undervalued because
you don't quite measure up to others.
Let's take a look.
(lighthearted music)
- Mom, am I better at the monkey bars than Bingo?
- Well, you are two years older than her, Bluey.
- Exactly.
- Am I better than Judo?
- You are about the same as Judo.
- I'm not. Judo can't do skip bar
or backwards one bar.
- Well, she'll get there one day.
- But, am I better than her on this day?
- Bluey, just run your own race.
- Huh? What does that mean?
- Come here. Have I told you the story
of when you took your first steps?
- Okay, before we get to the story
of Bluey taking first steps,
my son Benson, is all about this.
And our son Tyler.
(laughter)
Both of them spend so much time
comparing themselves to others
and trying to feel good about themselves
by being superior to others.
And then feeling down on themselves
when somebody else is better than them at something.
And that's no way to live your life.
Because there's always gonna be
someone better than you at something.
There's always gonna be someone
worse than you at something.
It's just the way of things.
And that can't be where you get your value.
So let's see the story of Bluey's first steps.
- Oh no.
- Well, it all started when you were still a baby.
(baby cooing)
(playful music)
(Bandit groaning)
- Come on, Bluey. Rollover, rollover.
You learned to rollover really early.
(baby giggling)
- Bandit, she rolled over!
She rolled over!
- Huh?
- She's not meant to do that for ages.
- Ah, that's my girl.
(slap and thud)
(baby giggling)
- Hang on. Where was I?
- You weren't born yet, sweetheart.
- Ooh, I was invisible.
(laughter)
- Were you proud of me for rolling over so soon?
- Yes. A little too proud.
I think I may have turned into a bit of a show off.
- Oh, I've never heard of a baby rolling over that early.
- I know she's just special.
(coughing)
(babies cooing)
- [Chilli] But then one day at Mother's Group...
- It is very early to roll over.
- Oh, you're so clever, Bluey.
- [Judo's Mom] Whoa. She's sitting, she's sitting!
Oh, Judo, you're sitting all by yourself.
- Oh goodness. That's very early to be sitting.
- Oh well, you know, it's not a race.
- Parents, we do this all the time.
Because if our kids are exceptional about something,
then some of that pixie dust lands on us
and we are exceptional.
And this is how kids get complexes
cuz their parents push them to be exceptional
and instead of to just be.
Now I'm not saying there isn't value in competition
or value in pushing yourself to be the best version of you.
But that's the meaning of the phrase "run your own race".
The only person you're competing with
is yourself from yesterday, right?
To be better today than you were yesterday.
And uh, but it we're, we're in this
comparison trap of "it's very early to be rolling over",
"it's very early to be sitting up".
Why? Why do we do this?
So that we can feel esteem.
So that we can feel that we have value.
And that's a shaky foundation to get your self worth on.
You may feel like you need help
but you're not sure you can afford it.
(money chimes)
Or you really like to handle things yourself
and aren't sure that counseling is a fit for you.
We hear you. Loud and clear.
That's why we've designed
a low-cost Mended Light membership site
to give you an affordable, self-guided option
for trauma recovery, mental health,
and stronger connections.
All of these courses are available
or coming soon to the membership site
with a new course every month.
What's more, every month, Alicia and I offer
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and how to improve your health.
And we have a Book of the Month Club
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Get started today by clicking below.
- But it was a race.
- Very early to be sitting.
- Oh well, you know, it's not a race.
- But it was a race.
- A baby race!
- [Narrator] This episode of Bluey is called "Baby Race".
(playful music)
- [Chilli] I don't know what got into me,
but I was determined I get you walking
before Judo's mom. I mean, Judo.
- There you go, steady.
Bandit! She's sitting!
_ Huh?
(thud and surprised exclamation)
- Good girl. Ah!
(falling on floor)
(baby giggling)
- [Chilli] But after a lot of practice,
eventually you sat up.
- Bluey, you are sitting!
(baby laughter)
- Oh goodness, I just can't keep track of them.
(baby cooing and giggles)
- Judo crawled before me as well?
- Judo beat you again.
- And just what did you do about this?
(laughter)
- Our kids learn how to relate to the world from us.
Um. My sister, you know, she
she shamed herself for her body a lot.
Was often talking down about
how she didn't like how she looked, how she was so ugly,
how she was this, that or the other.
And her husband says you gotta stop
because now our daughters are obsessing
over their looks and placing value on appearance
and feeling bad about themselves and lacking confidence.
And my sister, she says she stopped that day
like just knowing that that's what was
happening with her daughters.
She started looking at herself and speaking about herself
in a much more positive way.
Cuz the kids are learning
or the kids could learn from their parents
if their parents kept this going.
I need to be better than others in order to have worth.
Right. So just what did you do about it?
And and then, and then mom feels bad
because this kid's crawling before my kid.
We feel bad cuz your kid got better grades than mine.
Your kid is the star athlete
and my kid is picking their nose in left field
and eating Twinkies at the end of the game.
Right? And we, we get into this place
where we don't let people be.
That their worth has to be earned instead of
just being innate through their existence.
Because every person, like any, is like everybody else.
They all have strengths, they all have weaknesses.
They all have things they can contribute
and areas where they struggle.
- Well, I tried my best.
- This thing's heavy.
(clapping hands)
- Come on Bluey, crawl to mama.
You can do it. You can do it.
- [Bluey] Did I do it?
(playful music)
(pattering on floor)
(baby laughing)
- [Chilli] Not exactly.
(giggling)
- Why was I rolling?
- I don't know kid,
you didn't come with instructions.
The doctor said there was nothing to worry about.
- Some babies just roll before they crawl.
(laughter)
- [Chilli] But I wasn't having that.
- But you see how happy Bluey is
just to be rolling around how happy she is.
And her mom isn't, isn't seeing it.
It's not enough that her kid's happy.
She's gotta be the best.
(singing nursery rhyme)
- Aha. It's fun to crawl.
(baby giggling)
Oh, how good is crawling?
It's better than rolling.
(loud noise)
- Ah. My knees.
(baby laughing)
- Is she.
- Did I do it?
- Did Bluey crawl?
- No.
- Is she doing this to help her child along?
No, she's doing this to win.
- Not exactly.
- Come on, Bluey.
You can do it. Crawl to me.
(lighthearted playful music)
(baby scooting on floor)
(laughter)
- Yeah. Bum shuffle.
- Bum shuffle?
- Bum shuffle.
You were a bum shuffler.
(laughter)
- Woohoo. Go Bluey!
- [Chilli] Meanwhile, Judo was
pulling herself up on furniture.
Which is the step right before walking.
- And I was just bum shuffling around.
- You are definitely not winning the baby race.
- [Chilli] The doctor said there was nothing to worry about.
- Some babies just bum shuffle before they crawl.
(thudding and giggling)
- [Chilli] But I wasn't having that.
- See, feels good doesn't it?
Feels like wanna gonna crawl, right?
- Did she crawl?
- Yes.
- Hooray!
- [Chilli] Backwards.
(laughter)
- Beep, beep, beep.
(laughter)
- And dads just having fun with it.
- [Chilli] The doctor said there was nothing to worry about.
(laughter)
But Nana wasn't having that.
- Let's stop mucking around, eh?
A bit of olive oil on those knees'll do the trick.
- But how is olive oil gonna help?
(squealing and laughter)
- Oh my goodness.
- Mom, what are you doing?
- If she can't crawl, she'll have to walk.
- This isn't legal anymore.
(laughter)
- I'll sprinkle some grit down too.
Oh where'd they go?
(laughter)
- Your Nana's old school.
None of it mattered though.
Judo had won the baby race.
- Oh, biscuits.
- Were you upset with me that I lost the baby race?
- No, sweetie.
(light piano music)
Look, we were all learning to do things for the first time.
I just felt like I was doing everything wrong.
- Aren't you going to Mother's Group?
(sighing)
(melancholy music)
- Yeah. It's a really cute cap. It's like he was born in it.
- [Chilli] But then one day, Coco's mom came to see me.
- Hi Chili.
- Bella. Oh, hello.
I'm so sorry. The house is a mess.
- We chatted for a while and then she showed me a photo.
- Are these all your children?
- Yep.
- I thought Coco was your first.
- No, I've got eight kids. Wait, no nine.
- I had no idea.
Wow. You must have learned a thing or two.
- I have.
And there's something you need to know.
- What?
(hopeful music)
- You're doing great.
(comforting music)
- Darn this is a kid's show.
- Are they happy tears, mom?
- Yeah. Happy tears, honey.
(happy music)
From then on, I decided to run my own race.
- Woo. Woo, yeah!
Bluey wins!
(happy music)
(baby cooing)
- Well done, Judo. Clever girl.
- So did Bluey ever learn to walk?
- Yes, honey. In the kitchen, actually.
(piano music)
- So the significance of "you're doing great".
If you're giving it everything you've got,
you're doing great.
All you can do is all you can do.
And that's all you can do.
(light laughter)
So don't beat yourself up
for somebody else whose circumstances,
or genetics, or nurture, or whatever else
they accomplish something faster, easier, better than you.
Something that I've known from interacting
with thousands of people across my life is,
if I compare my weaknesses to somebody else's strengths,
I will always feel down.
But inevitably,
I have strengths where that person has weaknesses.
And that's how it's meant to be.
Cuz we're meant to help each other grow.
To learn from one another and for all of us
to do different things at different paces.
(lighthearted music)
(music swelling)
- [Bluey] Why did I decide to walk in the kitchen?
- [Chilli] I dunno, sweetie.
- [Bingo] Maybe you just saw something you wanted.
- Come on.
I love it.
Run your race.
You don't need to get there any faster than anybody else.
You don't need to do it any better than anybody else.
You just need to do it better than you.
Yes.
Healthy competition between people can be a wonderful thing.
It can bring out the best in us.
At the end of the day, you are who you are.
You can do what you can do.
And as long as you're doing the best that you can,
it's good enough.
Something for me that has held me back before
is a lack of confidence.
So how do you move through a lack of confidence?
Check out our video on that.
If you would like some help
rising to your potential and discovering your self-worth
you can schedule a complimentary 15 minute discovery call
with a member of our team.
Just go to www.mendedlight.com.
Or if you're not sure that that's
the level at which you wanna work with us right now
but you'd like to get a little more oomph in your life.
We have a membership site with relationship courses,
mental health courses, moving through trauma courses,
all video courses created by yours truly.
As well as live Book Club events
and live Q&As with Alicia and I every month.
Just go to www.mendedlight.com
and you can explore the different possibilities for you
for how we can support you and how we can work together.
Do you like Bluey? What's your favorite episode?
Let me know in the comments below.
How do you work through your own feelings of insecurity?
Let us know in the comments below
so that we can learn from each other.
Until next time, folks,
keep shining because we need your light.
(upbeat orchestral music)
(crowd cheering)