- Imagine you're doing something you really enjoy.
Maybe you're engrossed in a really good book
and your partner walks up and says,
"That's enough, time to put that away."
Then demands you close it right away
and put it on the shelf.
You'd be frustrated, right?
Maybe you'd even use a few choice words
to express that frustration.
This is often the same feelings our toddlers experience
when we try to get them to stop doing something
and move on to something else.
As adults, we've developed self-control
and have the ability to manage our emotions,
but our toddlers don't have that skill yet.
And this difficulty managing their emotions,
is what often results in challenging behaviors
like tantrums occurring whenever they're told
they need to transition from one activity to the next.
And the fact is, we need to ask our toddlers
multiple times each day to stop doing one activity
and start doing something else.
For example, the simple act of eating
will mean your child has to stop whatever they're doing
five times to eat a meal or have a snack.
And each time you direct them to change activities,
there is a high chance that your little one
will start whining, stalling or having a tantrum.
The good news is that once you understand this,
you can implement a really simple strategy
to make those transitions much easier for you both.
And the key is timing.
Instead of telling your child
to immediately stop doing something when you need them to,
wait until you find what we call a natural break
in their activity before asking them to stop.
A natural break is just a natural pause
or an end point in whatever they're doing.
For example, your toddler is going find it
significantly easier to turn off the TV to go and eat dinner
once their favorite show has finished
rather than when they're halfway through the show.
Or if your toddler is busy feeding their dinosaurs,
they're going to find it easier to stop playing
with their dinosaurs and go and have that bath
after all the dinosaurs have been fed,
rather than if they suddenly get cut off halfway through.
Now for some activities, it's really easy to wait
for a natural break to occur, but for other activities
or due to time constraints, you may need to be creative
and make those natural breaks occur
in the time that you have available.
And you can do this multiple ways.
Firstly, you could sabotage the activities
so it naturally comes to an end
in the time that you have available.
Let's take the TV show example.
If you only have five minutes to spare
before you need to leave the house,
but your toddler's show is 20 minutes,
then simply fast forward the show
so that only five minutes is left
and then let your toddler watch the last five minutes.
Then when the show naturally ends,
your toddler is going to be less resistant
to you turning off the TV and moving onto the next activity.
Or you could use a timer.
Toddlers love timers
because they give them a greater sense of control,
and this is for a number of reasons.
Firstly, they can check it as often as they like
and see how much time is remaining.
And secondly, the timer tells them
when it's time to change activity,
as opposed to their parents.
And this in itself is amazing
as it essentially removes the child's ability
to blame the parents on having to stop an activity
because it's the clock's fault
that they need to stop an activity, not the parents.
Now, because toddlers cannot tell time,
and as parents we often lose track of time,
I highly recommend use a timer
which makes a bell sound when the time is up.
The bell will remind you and your toddler
that it is time to stop the activity and move on.
Some great timers you can use
include a standard kitchen timer,
a time timer or the timer on your phone.
Personally, I find the timer on my phone
the most versatile as it's always on me.
And most importantly, when you set the timer on your phone,
the circle around the time gradually reduces with time,
which provides a toddler with a visual representation
of how much time is remaining.
And this is important as it helps them understand
how much time is remaining
and they can prepare themselves for the end of the activity.
Another way to increase your little one's understanding,
is to know how well they should be communicating
at each age range
so you can adjust how you speak to your little one.
So if you haven't already,
make sure you click on the link in the description box below
to get the free Communication Milestone Chart.
And this will give you an invaluable peace of mind
as you'll know how many words you should be expecting
from your little one,
as well as how clear their speech should be,
from one year of age all the way up to four years of age.
Now, another great way to create a natural break
in an activity is by counting down.
Simply telling your child how many more times
they can do a specific activity,
gives your toddler a clear understanding
of when an activity will finish, as well as provides time
for them to mentally prepare for the change.
And this can reduce the likelihood of a tantrum occurring.
For example, if you're at the playground
and your toddler is on a slide,
instead of saying, "It's time to go,"
and then abruptly leaving the playground
after your little one has slid down the slide,
you would say, "Five more slides
and then it's time to go home."
And then you would count down each time
your little one goes down the slide.
So it would be, "Four more slides,
then it's time to go home.
Three more slides, then it's time to go home.
Two more slides, then it's time to go home.
One more slide, and then it's home time."
And then after that last slide, you would say, "Home time,"
and gently guide your little one to leave the playground.
Now, it's important to remember
that although finding the natural breaks in activities
and using them to transition from one activity to the next
will help reduce the number of tantrums your little one has
when you do ask them to change activities,
it is natural for your child to be disappointed
about having to stop and still experience some meltdowns.
And in these situations, it's really important
to acknowledge your little one's feelings,
but follow through with stopping the activity at that point.
If you give them one more turn on the slide
or one more TV show after they've had a tantrum,
you could accidentally encourage your little one
to tantrum more.
So if your little one does get upset
at a change in activity, stay calm,
crouch down so that you're level with your child's eyes
and simply state that you can see they're upset,
but you can't have another turn
and it's time to do the next activity.
So if we use the slide example, you would say,
"I can see you're upset
because you don't get another turn on the slide.
It is hard to leave the playground,
but it's time to go home."
And then you would help your child leave the playground.
It may take a little time,
but if you consistently stop an activity
once you've said it's time to finish,
your toddler will understand that you mean what you say.
And the number of tantrums that occur
will significantly decrease.
And changing from one activity to the next
will be a lot more pleasant for everyone.
In addition to creating natural breaks in activities,
there is one phrase
that you want to avoid saying to your toddler
because it often leads to an increase in toddler tantrums
as well as increases their engagement
in undesirable behaviors.
So if you want to reduce your one-year-old's tantrum
and stop them engaging in these undesirable behaviors,
the next thing you want to do is watch this video
to find out exactly what that phrase is
and what you should say instead.
Thanks for watching, and I'll see you next week
where I'll share more parenting tips and tricks.