[audience applause]
Sorting Hat: Let's see, let's see.
Better be...
Gryffindor!
[students clapping]
- Oh, I hope I don't get Slytherin,
there's not a witch or wizard that went bad
that wasn't in Slytherin.
- Mm,
Hufflepuff!
[students clapping]
- Okay...
Not Slytherin, not Slytherin.
- Not Slytherin, ey?
- Please not Slytherin.
- Not Slytherin.
Well then,
Tourette's!
[confused chatter]
- What?
- Tourette's Syndrome.
[hesitant clapping]
- Hi there, I'm Tanner Gillman,
America's sweetheart.
And I think it's important
for everybody watching at home
to know that I wrote this sketch,
and I have Tourette's in real life,
so we're cool.
Like, we're good.
All right, back to the sketch.
Hat: Yes, Gilles de la Tourette's Syndrome!
- Uh, okay so that's not a Hogwarts house,
that's like a neurological disorder.
- Yes, but you have it.
- Yep, I know,
I know I have it, thank you.
- [strong British accent] Um, what is Tourette's?
- Okay, uh, it's a neurological disorder,
it deals with the same part of my brain
that deals with reflexes.
It makes my body and voice do stuff
that I can't really control,
like physical and vocal stuff,
it's actually really nice
to be able to talk about this openly--
- Oh, wait.
Ain't that the one where you swear a lot?
- Do you get to swear for free?
- Ooh.
- Everyone gets to swear for free,
what are you even trying--
- For free?
- Okay, yes.
I do have the swearing Tourette's, yes.
A lot of fun.
- Say something inappropriate.
- Uh, no, no,
see then I'd be doing it on purpose,
so it wouldn't be Tourette's Syndrome
I'd just be swearing.
- Right, right,
if we want him to say it, he won't say it.
- Everyone, pretend you're not listening to him.
La, la, la.
- No, I appreciate the effort,
that's really--
That's not how it works, though.
- Fine!
How does it work, then?
- It's like a tic, I can't control it,
and when it acts up,
I really only say stuff that I'm not supposed to say,
like societal taboos.
- [gasps]
Oh no, no one tell him about Voldemort!
- Oh yes, that would be bad, don't say that--
- No, no, don't tell me that!
Now my brain's gonna register it,
I'm gonna yell it.
- Oh, I mean,
that bad guy's name is perfectly fine to say.
- No, no, it's fine, I'm not gonna--
[yelps]
Voldemort!
Mudblood!
Whomping Willow!
Shrieking Shack!
- He's doing it, he's doing it!
- I'm a lot of fun at parties, ah.
Okay, Hat,
can you put me in a legit house now, please?
- Oh yes, very well then.
Hmm, creatively minded,
a bit stubborn, very meticulous.
- Oh, kinda sounds like Ravenclaw.
- Obsessive compulsive disorder!
- No!
No, no, no, once again,
that's not a house.
- But you have it.
- I know I have it!
Thank you!
- So, you have Tourette's and OCD?
- Yeah, they're comorbid,
so they often coexist in the same gene.
I'm a checker,
so I have to check for stuff a lot.
Like, where's my wand?
Oh, there's my wand.
Where's my wand, there's my wand.
- He likes to yell Voldemort while cleaning.
- No, that's not how it works!
[yelps]
Voldemort!
Mudblood!
Rupert Grint!
Voldemort!
[yelps]
- [gasps]
- Knock, knock, Hogwarts.
- Voldemort!
- Yes, and now I shall blast you all
into smithereens!
- Everyone, arm yourselves!
[magic flashes]
Tanner: Where's my wand, there's my wand.
Where's my-- [yelps]
Voldemort!
Mudblood!
Slytherin-lover!
Girl: Tanner's Tourette's is casting a spell!
- Voldemort!
Mudblood!
Snape's underpants!
[magic flashes]
Snape: Tanner saved us.
Ten points...
to Tourette's.
[students cheering]
Tanner: So it's a house?
It's a house now?
[audience applause]
Hey guys, thanks for watching.
If you liked this sketch,
why not download the BYUtv app
to watch even more.
I did.
- Mm, yes.
I can sense that you did it.
- I'm so done with you, Hat.
- What?
- I'm done with you.
- Why is your hair so crunchy?
- Hairspray.