- Doctor: We had to remove your colon.
Me: Why?
Oh!
(dramatic music)
There's been a lot of scares in the news media.
So I thought, we'd have a little time to relax
with Medical Memes Episode 11.
Be-woop.
This is the weirdest karaoke place I've ever seen.
(laughs) Oh my God.
For those of you who don't know this is a colonoscopy.
Oh my God!
Why is the patients body see through.
Hello doctor, my wife has just gone into labor.
Is this her first child?
No, this is her husband.
(laughs)
That was good.
Me: Whacks elbow against hard object.
My entire nervous system.
Oh man that hurts, oof, oof.
I've been using this as a water bottle
for about a month now.
I kind of love the judging eyes it gets me at the gym.
(laughs) That's really funny.
Just make sure if you're ever using a plastic water bottle
or a Hershey's bottle, you wash it out very well each time.
And even then I wouldn't recommend it.
Just get a BPA free, plastic reusable bottle.
I know it's funny, but don't do it.
Once, do it once and then don't do it.
Relax David it's just a small surgery, don't panic.
My name is not David.
I know I am David.
(laughing) Oh, ho, can you imagine.
That's like the worst thing you want to hear
in an operating room, God forbid you're hearing.
But if you hear, it's Oops.
Your eyes radiate like the sun.
Jonathan, I need medical help.
What, I don't get it?
Is it a jaundice joke?
He wanted to support her, ended up with basic life support.
Oh, that happens really often.
When I was delivering babies during residency,
I would make eye contact with the father,
and check in from time to time, just to make sure,
they're not passing out,
because there's a condition called vasovagal.
All of a sudden your blood pressure drops
because you get really nervous,
and you go (whoop).
And we don't want to have a second patient in the room,
so we try to get them a seat,
have them catch their breath, relax.
Doctor Mike after a patient tells him they eat apples.
Good, apples is a great fruit, it's very good.
(laughing) This is actually very cute,
because if you eat a doctor a day.
Did I just say if you eat a doctor a day. (laughs)
If you eat an apple a day, it keeps the doctor away.
Doctor: Do you smoke?
Dad: Yeah.
Doctor: Cigarettes, marijuana?
Dad: Mostly brisket and pork.
Dad jokes in the hospital.
I have patients like this.
And while most of the time it's funny
and I get a good laugh.
Sometimes it's stressful, you're like
Oh, my God, that was joke number eight,
and I've entered the wrong thing into
this electronic health record, it's really stressful.
When your anti-vaxx mom install antivirus
on your tablet but not on you.
Ah, that's so sad.
Who puts antivirus on their tablets?
I've seen on Facebook, what a concept.
I'm not anti-vaxx, but I understand why some parents
do not want those chemicals in their children's bodies.
I think instead of chemical shots,
the doctors should give a small piece of the virus,
so the body can build natural immunity.
That's what vaccines are.
You literally defined what a vaccine is.
Corona virus: exists
Me: realizing my shirt was made in China.
Oh, come on.
All right, this is not turning
into a Coronavirus meme review,
I'm cutting it off right now,
that was the last Coronavirus meme.
One of my favorite games to play is, is my headache
from dehydration, caffeine withdrawal,
lack of proper nutrition, my ponytail, stress,
lack of sleep, not wearing my glasses or brain tumor.
Honestly, that is what doctors do, every single day
when a patient come in that says they have a headache.
We have to ask really good questions,
to sort of narrow down our diagnosis,
then do a physical exam, narrow down our diagnosis further,
pick which ones are most life threatening
and need to be ruled out, imminently,
rule those out and then go down that list which ones
are most probable by either doing blood tests
or imaging tests if needed.
Or sometimes just giving reassurance to our patients
that if they drink more water, they'll be okay.
Not giving shots to babies,
ant-vaxx moms, responsible bartenders.
I get it, that's funny.
Get it, because bartenders were like D,
and the baby's doesn't have enough
years of life to get alcohol.
Body: raises temperature to fight illnesses
Human: takes medicine to reduce body temperature
Body.
It's so true though, the purpose of a fever is
to fight off the infection.
The infection can not adequately survive
in high temperatures, that's why you get a fever.
Also, the inflammatory cells of your body
that actually fight off the infection
perform better at higher temperatures.
Unless your feeling absolutely horribly,
a lot of times there's no reason
to take medicines for your fever.
Like the fever is a good thing.
That's how we survive, and thrive.
You jive.
Millennials, quit whining I paid off a $150,000
in student loans and own a $400,000 home, because I save.
It's not that I hard.
I make coffee at home, bus instead of Uber,
shop sales, had parents pay off my loans
and buy me a house because I'm daddy's special boy
and got Hulu with ads.
(laughs)
You know what's funny, I don't think
it's millennials that are whining.
I think it's Gen Z,
and I think millennials are taking the rap for it.
But look, if you work hard, you dedicate yourself
to a field that has value, and your passionate about it,
and you're good at it,
you're gonna be financially well off in one way or another.
But just make sure that it's something that your good at,
that it actually can make money, because like look,
I love drinking water, but I know it's not gonna make money
so I don't make this my career.
Whoops.
- [Camera Man] Did you mean to do that?
- No.
(bell dings)
Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards.
A-N-D?
This has depth, he said and?
But he also said A-N-D?
(laughs)
Netflix, official trailer, energy healing,
psychic medium, psychedelic, Pee-woop intensifies.
Don't be surprised if your gonna see me do a review
very very soon of Goop.
I'm just kind of waiting to see if like it truly
becomes super popular and then step in.
Because I don't want to lend it
anymore popularity than it already has.
I've already seen some snippets on the promos.
Pee-woop is coming for you Goop.
Doctor Mike is uploading a video.
Me at 000 about to turn off my phone to sleep.
Please sleep, I want you to watch my content,
but watch it when you wake up in the morning
with fresh eyes, so you have enough sleep.
When you get less than six hours of sleep,
like five hours, the amount of natural killer cells drops
and that's your immune system right there,
keeps you healthy.
And not just from viruses and bacteria and stuff.
From cancers.
Get enough sleep, but watch my videos when you wake up.
Patient: I'm not excited about getting shots.
Me: How would you feel about warts on your penis.
Patient: I'll take the shots.
Me: Cool.
Pro top: Never had a boy decline HPV vaccination
when offered that alternative.
See that's 100% true, HPV shot, vaccine does prevent warts.
It also prevents cancer, cancer.
And for those of you who don't know, HPV stands
for Human Papillomavirus, a few subtypes of that
virus actually lead to development
of cervical cancer in woman.
That's why we started giving the vaccine.
But then we also saw the benefits of giving it to boys,
since boys transmit the virus to girls,
as well as preventing the virus from affecting the boys.
Think about that win, win, win, win situation.
(air whooshing)
Who submitted this plant.
Are you tryna get my blood pressure elevated
and have hypertensionally, essentially hypertension.
Don't do it, put this plant away.
Me watching my neighbor attempting to cure
their asthma with essential oils.
If you're having an asthma attack, use your inhaler.
Or a nebulizer if you have one.
Nebulizer kind of sounds like a Star Wars gadget,
but it's really not.
The baby Yoda is so cute.
Oh, look at this Pee-woop.
Yo, this is the ugliest cartoon of me, I've ever seen.
But I love it, I love it.
I would get this tattooed on me.
Why do I like it so much.
The left eye, going one way
and the right being bigger in another way.
And my tongue out, I never stick my tongue out.
Bear looks adorable.
I love it.
As a doctor, I never make a joke
about an un-vaccinated baby, but let me give it a shot.
Dermatologists at a soccer match.
(laughing)
They're hiding away from the sun.
By the way, if you didn't know,
the best way to protect yourself from the sun
isn't sun block, it's staying out of the sun.
Shade, covering yourself with clothing,
and then sunblock, you dig.
This is Bear's bone.
Me: WTF dummy, put it back.
It's not bears bone, it's Bears bone.
I know it sounds the same.
If people had been scaring you about the Coronavirus lately,
check out my video covering the subject, right here,
with the main topic, being Alert Not Anxious.
(upbeat music)