When you think of queer community spaces, what do you think of?
Probably gay bars, I’m guessing?
And there’s good reason for that -- there are quite a lot of gay bars in cities around
the world, and they’ve played an important role in shaping queer communities over the
last few decades.
But I think we need something different now -- not to replace gay bars but to live alongside
them as another option for queer people.
Because, for all the good that gay bars have done and continue to do for some people, they
can’t be the end-all-be-all of our community spaces.
I mean, for one, gay bars are often mainly focused on catering to cis gay men, and while
that’s nice for them, lots of queer people are not cis gay men, and we’d like a place
that caters to us as well.
Plus, while some queer folks thrive in loud, hectic environments late at night, lots of
us just don’t feel comfortable in the bar/club scene or can’t even cope with all that stimulation.
But in addition to all of that, there’s another big reason we need something other
than gay bars and clubs: alcohol.
Now look, this isn’t like an anti-alcohol tirade or anything, don’t worry.
I know lots of people love alcohol and can drink responsibly and all that.
But I think it’s super important for our community that we have the option to go to
safe social areas where drinking isn’t expected of us.
Obviously, I’m a little biased here because I don’t drink alcohol, but I’m not alone in that.
Lots and lots of queer folks don’t drink, and so when all of our social situations revolve
around alcohol, it can be really isolating for us.
We either have to turn down invitations because we don’t want to drink, or go and probably
be pressured to drink.
And I don’t just mean being pressured to drink by our friends -- because really, if
your friends are pressuring you to drink in the first place, they’re not very good friends.
But I also just mean that the bar/club scene itself obviously encourages drinking.
The atmosphere pressures you to drink.
The whole venue is set up so that you spend money on alcohol.
Most everyone there drinks, so even if they don’t directly pressure you, there can still
be a pressure to just fit in and drink like everyone else.
So you’re basically choosing between missing out on social events or going and feeling
like an outsider anyway.
And obviously there are exceptions to this.
Like I have gone out with my friends and not drank and had a good time.
It is possible to go to a bar or club and not drink and still have a good time.
But it’s not the norm.
That place isn’t catering to you, it’s catering to people who drink.
It’s one thing to try and exist in a place that’s not built for you -- it’s another
to exist in a place specifically built for people like you.
I mean, that’s what gay bars were made for in the first place.
Queer people were violently excluded from spaces made for cishet people, so they made
their own places.
Places that were built for them and their needs, so they could feel comfortable and
not like an outsider just trying to fit in.
But now, it’s clear that even in those places -- those gay bars -- a bunch of queer people
still feel like outsiders, just for different reasons.
Now it’s not because they’re queer but because they don’t drink or something like that.
So I think it’s important to realize that while gay bars have served tons of people
really well, they’ve also excluded a whole bunch of us.
And while that can be irritating for people like me who choose not to drink, it can be
devastating for people who have addiction problems with alcohol.
Like, the bar/club atmosphere encourages you to drink, and for some people that’s not
a problem; it’s easy for me to say no to a drink because I don’t have problems with addiction.
But for alcoholics, it’s not as simple as “just say no to a drink”.
Addiction is never that simple.
What’s a mildly annoying social pressure to me is a super powerful addiction-driven
pressure to an alcoholic.
Every time they’re offered a drink or in an environment that encourages drinking, it’s
another opportunity for them to relapse.
The more they’re around that, the more they’re likely to relapse.
But if, knowing that, they remove themself from that situation, they end up isolating
themself even more -- and social isolation can also lead to relapsing.
So it’s a lose-lose situation for recovering alcoholics in the queer community.
You either go out with your friends and have to constantly fight your addictive urges throughout
the night, or you don’t go out with your friends, which could make you isolated and
depressed, which could then lead to an increase in your addictive urge to drink.
The fact that the queer social scene so commonly revolves around alcohol isn’t only annoying
or inconvenient or inaccessible, it can be life-ruining for some people.
Alcoholism is no joke, and it’s a problem in queer communities because of our reliance
on bars and clubs.
It’s because of all that that we need social spaces that don’t revolve around alcohol.
Queer people need a safe place to be themselves, and bars can’t do that for all of us.
We need things like cafes, community centers, libraries, bookstores, and other sorts of
communal areas.
Having a place to meet up and connect with other queer people is so vitally important
to our community, and places like these provide that for queer folks who don’t want to go
to gay bars.
I mean, they even provide that for queer folks who also want to go to gay bars -- there’s
no reason they need to be mutually exclusive.
What we really need is different kinds of community spaces co-existing so that people
can go wherever they’re most comfortable.
And these places aren’t just going to pop up out of nowhere.
If you’re queer and don’t have these spaces around you, think about making them.
I know it can be expensive and difficult to run something like that, so I’m not saying
that you need to -- but if you have the means, I’m sure your local queer community would
absolutely love it.
In fact, just last year, a couple of folks opened up a queer coffee shop in LA called Cuties.
This video is not sponsored by them, I just absolutely love Cuties.
I went there all the time when I lived in LA, and it’s exactly the kind of community
space that we need.
It’s a place where you can go during the day and be comfortable -- a kind of home away
from home.
They also hold all sorts of events after hours and often let other groups host stuff there.
It’s just the inclusive, community-oriented kind of place that the queer community in
LA was sorely lacking before then.
So if you’re in LA, please check them out, I’ll link their info in the description.
But also, regardless of where you’re located, if you’d like to support Cuties, I’ll
link their Patreon down below.
They’re currently trying to raise money in an effort to stay open, and I just love
this place so much, it would break my heart to see them close down.
So please, if you can, support them on Patreon.
They’re even offering some cool perks depending on what level you support them at.
And especially if you’re not queer, this would be a great way to directly financially
support queer people and have an impact in our community.
Queer folks are more likely than cishet folks to have money, employment, and housing problems
-- so projects like these require the support of non-queer people too.
Anyway, regardless of whether you’re queer or not, please check out Cutie’s Patreon
linked in the description and consider helping them out.
And if you have your own local queer spaces that aren’t based around alcohol, please
support them as well -- or even start your own!
This is something we really need not just in LA but everywhere.
Alcohol-free queer spaces can be life-changing for people, and we desperately need more of them.
So yeah, that’s everything I had for you today.
Thanks so much for watching, and I’ll see you next time.