CAROLINE
CAROLINE WRIGHT SHE HAD A PRETTY PERFECT LIGHT WITH HER
HUSBAND AND TWO YOUNG BOYS BUT
SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH THE MOST
OF AGGRESSIVE LUNG CANCER
LAST
LAST ONLY. NOT JUST ABOUT THE CHANGES WITH
SURGERY AND CHEMO BUT THE REAL
POSSIBILITY THAT SHE WOULD NOT
MAKE IT THROUGH.
HER BOOK IS CALLED LASTING LOVE
AND IT EXPLAINS LOSS AND GRIEF
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY IT IS
ABOUT LOVE THAT GOES ON AND ON
FOREVER.
FOREVER.
FOREVER. WELCOME.
WELCOME.
WELCOME. >> THANK YOU.
>> THANKS FOR COMING TO TALK TO
US ABOUT THIS.
THIS IS SUCH A TOUGH DIAGNOSIS
AND YOU WERE ONLY 32.
WHEN YOU REFLECT BACK ON THAT
WHAT YOU REMEMBER?
>> JUST HOW IMPOSSIBLE IT ALL
SEEMED.
SEEMED.
SEEMED. HOW HOPELESS IT WAS AND I
REALIZED I SORT OF HAD TO MAKE
HOPE FOR MYSELF AND EVEN HARDER
THAN THAT I HAD TO CONVEY THAT
TO MY CHILDREN.
ALL IN REAL TIME.
YOU GET DIAGNOSED AND YOU GET
HOME IN THE WORLD DOESN'T STOP
AND YOU STILL HAVE TO BE THE MOM
, THE BUSY MOM OF A ONE-YEAR-
OLD AND A THREE-YEAR-OLD THAT
WAS.
WAS.
WAS. IT
WAS. IT IS A BIG THING.
>> AND WE NEVER REALLY THINK
ABOUT THAT.
ABOUT THAT. HOW WE TALK TO OUR KIDS.
NOT ABOUT A GRANDPARENT DYING
OR SOMEONE LATER IN LIFE BUT
THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS COULD
HAPPEN BEFORE THEN OR THAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THE
SURGERY AND GOING THROUGH CHEMO
AND CHANGES.
AND CHANGES. SO HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH
YOUR APPROACH?
YOUR APPROACH? >> MOSTLY SINCE WE ARE NOT
PARTICULARLY RELIGIOUS WE
DIDN'T HAVE SOME OF THE BACKBONE
THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE.
SO THAT MEANT WE REALLY WERE
TRYING TO PREACH THE IDEA OF
LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE. THE
LOVE. THE IF YOU'S OF LOVE AND
COMMUNITY THAT REALLY DID SHOW
UP FOR ME.
IT WAS REALLY AMAZING AND I'M
SO HONORED AND SO FOR US WE
WERE TRYING TO SHOW OUR BOYS
THAT WHETHER OR NOT MOMMY GOT
TO LIVE, THE SAME PEOPLE WERE
RAISED ON WHETHER OR NOT I WAS
AROUND.
AROUND.
AROUND. >> TELL ME ABOUT THIS PICTURE.
THE SALT JUST BEFORE THAT
SOMEBODY SHAVING YOUR HEAD.
I THINK IT WAS ONE OF YOUR
SONS.
SONS.
SONS. >>
SONS. >> HENRY MY OLDEST SON.
THAT WAS PART OF IT IS TRYING
TO FIND WAYS TO HAVE THEM
PARTICIPATE IN THE CHANGES THAT
WERE GOING ON AND ALSO THIS WAS
BEFORE MY SURGERY.
THIS WAS AFTER I WAS TOLD THERE
WERE GOING TO REMOVE PART OF MY
HAIR.
HAIR.
HAIR. AND
HAIR. AND I WAS LIKE NO.
I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL OF THAT
AND ALSO THAT WAS BEFORE I KNEW
I HAD CANCER.
I WANTED HUMORING SPECIFICALLY
NOT TO HAVE MY HAIR LOSS BE
RELATED TO CANCER ARE CHEMO AND
HAVE HAIR LOSS BE THE DECISION
WHILE HEALTHY OR IN AN UNKNOWN
PLACE.
PLACE.
PLACE. >>
PLACE. >> THAT IS SO SMART.
AND YOU GOT TO TAKE PART IN THAT
AND YOU WROTE THIS BOOK LASTING
LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE. WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO WANT TO
WRITE THIS DOWN?
>> I WAS STILL SICK.
AND IN FACT THE OUTCOME IS
STILL NOT ENTIRELY WRITTEN FOR
ME. REMISSION AND THINGS LIKE
THAT DON'T EXIST FOR MY CANCER.
IT HASN'T 100% RECURRENCE RATE
SO THIS JUST SORT OF A LEGACY
MATERIAL FOR MY KIDS AND ALSO
WHEN I WAS SICK AND ALL OF
THESE PARENTS RALLIED AROUND
ME.
ME.
ME. I
ME. I AM
ME. I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS
TO FIND WORDS TO TELL THE
CHILDREN THAT THEY MIGHT BE
LEAVING THEM.
LEAVING THEM. THERE ARE A LOT OF PARENTS OUT
THERE IN A SIMILAR SITUATION
AND THE ITEM REALLY DEEPLY
PASSIONATE ABOUT REPRESENTING
THOSE PEOPLE AND THE FAMILIES
WHO REALLY NEED THE WORDS IN
RELIGION ISN'T HELPFUL FOR
EVERYBODY NOR LIKE THE PASSAGE
OF SEASONS.
OF SEASONS. YOU NEED TO LIKE HAVE REAL
CONVERSATIONS.
CONVERSATIONS. >> AND IT IS NOT A GLIB THING
OR A SIMPLE THING.
IT IS A BIG DEEP THING AND
THERE ARE SO MANY FEARS AND
QUESTIONS THAT ADULTS HAVE MUCH
LESS KIDS SO YOU KNOW AS YOU
ARE LOOKING AT PAGES FROM THE
BOOK HERE AS YOU PUT THIS
TOGETHER, WAS THERE KIND OF A
THEME THAT EMERGED?
>> IT CAME FROM THE IDEA OF
LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE. I
LOVE. I JUST WOKE UP ONE MORNING AND
HAD THIS IDEA WHAT IF LOVE WERE
TANGIBLE.
TANGIBLE.
TANGIBLE. I WAS TELLING MY SON HENRY,
MOMMY'S LOVE DOESN'T GO AWAY.
WE SHARE THAT FOREVER WHETHER
MOMMIES BODY IS HERE OR NOT AND
SO THEN I HAD THIS FUNNY IDEA
LIKE WHAT IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY
A CREATURE JUST LIKE HIT THE
IDEA HOME.
IDEA HOME. AND THEN I MET WITH MY FRIEND
WILLOW AND WE STARTED PLAYING
AROUND AND THERE HE WAS.
AND SO WE STARTED COMING UP
WITH THESE IDEAS OF WHAT WOULD
THAT SITUATION BE LIGHT.
HOW WOULD THIS CREATURE HELP
PARENT THE CHILD BOTH IN GRIEF
AND ALSO IN TREATMENT AND HELP
THEM WITH THE CANCER AND
EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING. >> TRUE UNCERTAINTY ON ALL OF
THAT.
THAT.
THAT. AND
THAT. AND AS YOU LANDED ON THIS IDEA,
DID ALSO HAVE SOME THERAPEUTIC
EFFECT FOR YOURSELF AS WELL?
>> THIS BOOK TALKING ABOUT MY
STORY, TALKING ABOUT THE IDEA
OF LOVE AS THIS BINDING FACTOR
FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES HAS
BEEN SO BEAUTIFUL FOR ME BECAUSE
IT IS JUST CONNECTED ME TO ALL
OF THESE OTHER STORIES AND IT
MADE ME FEEL LIKE THERE IS SOME
SORT OF PURPOSE TO MEET GETTING
THIS CRAZY DIAGNOSIS AT THE AGE
OF 32.
OF 32.
OF 32. IT
OF 32. IT IS GIVING MEANING TO WHAT
HAPPENED TO ME AND IS MADE ME
FEEL LESS ALONE WHICH IS PART
OF THE PATIENT THING AND IS
BEEN A VERY BEAUTIFUL VERY
STRANGE EXPERIENCE.
STRANGE EXPERIENCE. >> I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE.
I REALLY CAN'T IMAGINE BUT I DO
LOVE THAT YOU HAVE CAPTURED
THIS IDEA OF A MOTHER'S HEART
AND MOTHER'S LOVE AS HAVING NO
TIME AND SPACE.
IT IS SOMETHING THAT JUST IS.
IT CAN'T BE UNDONE AND IT
EXISTS AND IS AVAILABLE TO YOUR
SONS.
SONS.
SONS. SOMETIMES WE WANT TO SHELTER
OUR KIDS AND NOT SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON.
HOW DID YOU MAKE THAT DECISION
BETWEEN I WILL JUST CARRY ON OR
I WILL GO DEEP AND WILL SHARE
THIS.
THIS.
THIS. >>
THIS. >> IT WAS SOMETHING WE READ IN
THE EARLY DAYS BEFORE ACTUALLY
MY DIAGNOSIS RIGHT BEFORE MY
SURGERY.
SURGERY.
SURGERY. SOMEONE TOLD US WHILE WE READ
SOME PAGES OF A NEW PARENTING
BOOK THAT SOMEONE GAVE US IN IT
BASICALLY SURROUNDS THE IDEA
THAT THE BOND BETWEEN A PARENT
AND CHILD DOESN'T GO AWAY EVEN
WHEN YOU DIVE.
BUT IF YOU LIE TO THEM THE
TRUST WOULD BE BROKEN AND THAT
IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN'T
REPAIR IF YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT
THERE.
THERE.
THERE. AND IT IS IMPORTANT TO MAINTAIN
THE TRUST WITH YOUR CHILD EVEN
IF IT IS SCARY TO TALK ABOUT
AND THE OTHER PIECE THAT I FIND
REALLY INTERESTING.
REALLY INTERESTING. I'VE DONE A LOT OF WORK WITH
SAFE CROSSINGS THE LOCAL
ORGANIZATION FOR CHILDREN'S
BEREAVEMENT IS SOMETHING I
LEARNED THROUGH WORKING WITH
THEM IS THAT CHILDREN ARE
ACTUALLY VERY PERCEPTIVE AND
THE CHILDREN AND IT IS THE
ADULTS WHO DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT IT WITH THE CHILDREN
BECAUSE THE ADULTS ARE
UNCOMFORTABLE.
UNCOMFORTABLE. >> WE THANK THEY DON'T KNOW BUT
THEY KNOW.
THEY KNOW. >> THE MESSAGE YOU'RE SENDING
IS THAT IT IS NOT SAFE TO TALK
ABOUT.
ABOUT.
ABOUT. >>
ABOUT. >> IS A LOT OF WISDOM IN THIS
SMALL LITTLE BOOK
>> CAROLINE WILL BE DISCUSSING
THIS