Alright, let's get into the questions. I'm 26 and live near Seattle. How do I keep the delicate
balance in terms of giving attention? If I don't talk to the girl enough in the beginning, they'll
lose interest in me. On the flip side, when I show too much affection, the girl stops talking to me.
I just got ghosted a couple of days ago in a situation that was going great. A side question,
I tend to blame myself for the poor behavior of girls. I attribute the ghosting to some deficiency
on my end. What are ways to maintain my self image and confidence in the face of these failures? Man,
this is a question for the ages. I swear I get this quite a bit. Because when I give the advice
to guys that you shouldn't be texting in between dates... it rocks their world. It rocks their
world. The main answer here is no matter what you always have to be filtering for women who have a
high level of interest. But we'll go into that in a second. Your question is how do we delicate
the balance in terms of giving attention, if I don't give a girl enough she'll lose me,
if I give her too much she stops talking to me. I wish I had more detail here of how much attention
are you giving. Some guys think that they're not giving a lot of attention when they really are.
I'll give you an easy step-by-step process to follow. When you're dating, when you're going out
there and you're dating, and you're meeting women, and you're getting the dates and you're on the
dates, and you're setting up more dates... you can show affection, you can show interest on the date.
I think where it starts to crumble... coming back to what I said a second ago,
when it starts to crumble, where it starts to crumble is where
you're texting and talking to them and trying to do all this communication in between the dates.
Now, a lot of guys say won't she lose interest? Well, you're not thinking
ahead. Instead, think about why don't you set up a date and then you don't have to text in between
because she knows that you're interested and interested enough. And if you're a high value
busy guy, which you should be, then that shouldn't be a problem in theory. Is it a
perfect method? Is this going to work every single time? No, it won't. There are going to be women
who are going to fall off because they want that constant attention. That's not a woman you should
be with anyways. Or they'll fall off because they actually weren't that interested in you.
The balance you'll do is you're going to try to see them once a week. If it takes longer than once
a week set up a FaceTime date so it doesn't go 2 - 3 weeks in between dates if someone gets busy.
That's why you do a FaceTime date – so you can keep the interest going, which is much stronger
than doing texting and getting to know them on text. The reason why you don't want to text is
because there's actually more room for error. Guys think that there's less room. They think no, no,
no, there's room for error if we don't text because then she's gonna forget about me. No,
there's more room when you're texting in between dates. I've had women who have told me stories
of this. The guy's texting and trying to get to know her and it just seems needy and strange.
You don't want to be texting in between dates. It's a polarizing concept.
Listen, if you don't believe me, try it out yourself. And you might say, well,
I don't know how much to text in between dates. I don't have that advice for you. I don't have
the formula for when to text them in between dates because you shouldn't. Only should you to
set up the date. It's fine to text to set up the date. But you're entering at your own risk
with trying to come up with conversation topics and things to talk about over text.
That's how you balance it out. That's the step-by-step process there. A side question...
and this is a great next question that E asks here because it brings it to the next point. He says
he tends to blame himself and he wants to know ways to maintain the self image and confidence
in the face of these failures. I think that you got to stop labeling it as a failure.
I don't know why we're using such strong language like you failed. Yeah, I mean the
girls not interested anymore. I don't know if that's a failure. I mean, yeah sure if that's
the way you want to look at it. I see as an opportunity to see what I can do better next time.
I don't know if it's necessarily about your self image. You're correlating it to your self image.
But I think that we need to look at this in a different way. I think that there are things that
men and women are attracted to. And if you're not a person who's displaying those attractive traits,
and this is related to today's topic, and if a woman's not doing that either, attraction won't
occur. I see it more as a behavior than looking all the way to such a deep degree
of your self image and who you are like you're this really shitty person. Now listen, I get it,
trust me, I get it. I know that most people do that. I've done that before. I understand that
you're going there. But what I'm trying to coach you and tell you right now is just don't go there.
Don't label it as such. This is a fast way to kill your resiliency. It's like you get off the bike or
you fall off the bike after trying to ride the bike and you just sit there saying how much of
a loser you are. What's going to get you back on that bike, sitting there and thinking that
or continuing to go and seeing what you could do better? That's the stoic way of looking at it.