my wife is having a baby this summer we
don't know if we're having a boy or girl
we assume will be one or the other but
you never know I have two older kids my
kids are in their 40s now one of them's
older than I am so it's been a long time
since I took care of the baby you forget
almost everything or at least I forgot
almost everything so to brush up and to
get some advice on how to raise a child
I went right to this source I asked a
child to help me figure some things out
a six-year-old girl named ila and what
we had a very enlightening conversation
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ila how old are you six so you've been a
kid for a while now how long I have no
idea but you were a baby once yeah
everyone was a baby once that's true
what I'm hoping for is that you can give
me some information and teach me how to
be a good dad because my wife is having
a baby okay okay and I was just
wondering like what you think like what
what to you is a good dad what does a
good dad do Wow
I suggest you start changing the diaper
myself yeah do that well you're not
gonna really like eat the poop yes I am
well what am I supposed to do with it
throw it against the wall you're
supposed to wipe the but do that
who's BOTS no way the baby doesn't want
that the baby should learn to wipe its
own butt why do you don't know how
because my brain they don't do babies
come with brains or do you have to have
that put in they do come with brains
it's just like they don't know butter
and they're just like squirming around
like are they dumb you know
not dumb well they can't even wipe
themselves that doesn't sound very smart
to me so you're gonna have to do it
yourself
that's what grown-ups do oh no I don't
want to do that so swears you're gonna
have to open the diaper and then you're
gonna have to get a wipe the butt hold
on will you show me how to do is have a
baby doll can you show me how to do it
okay but just where is it baby girl
here's a baby doll now is this it's just
the right way to hold the baby well how
should I do with them okay one years old
to do it like this hold him by the but
then oh that's good okay so here we go
but I'm holding him by the body up the
other way okay okay now this but then
I'm holding them by this is where the
poop comes out so this I don't want to
touch you touch the but just you're
gonna touch it with wipe so like your
hands are gonna be clean but you're
gonna have to wash them okay so here
we'll put the baby she isn't you right
here yeah and then baby as a diaper yeah
like you're gonna pull this side then
open it up right yes it is
I don't know that's druggin I'm still
not sure we're talking okay you're
eating the real baby
no because it's real poop you're right
you're right okay now what do I do
so you're gonna get a wipe right and
then right and then you're gonna lift
the baby up okay then you're gonna wipe
this part with your hand no what
well I don't you using a wife I see you
using your hand well there are no wipes
here oh so what do I do if there's oh
look at that white this table yeah
thanks dad All Right see you wipe the
butt oh I have a good idea what if
there's extra poop you should put it in
the baby's hat okay then we're gonna
roll it up and throw it in the trash but
where the Jess oh here I'll take it
let's see oh I know we'll throw it at
the wall no I told you earlier that's
trash but then the trash guys gotta come
and pick it up and then he doesn't want
this no such a hard thing to figure out
mama mia here's how this is gonna be I'm
gonna tell my wife I Allah taught me how
to change the baby when it has a poopy
diaper and what you do is you take the
diaper off the baby you get some wipes
you eat the poop you then wipe the
baby's butt and then you throw it at the
garbage man that's you striving God I'm
gonna be a very bad parent so are you
[Applause]
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