-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
You're here. You made it. Thank you for watching.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, guys, everyone's talking about this.
A federal judge has overruled
the CDC's mask mandate for planes,
and now all the major airlines
have dropped their mask requirements.
But don't worry, to keep everyone safe,
you can now bring only up to 3.4 ounces of COVID on board.
-Oh. -That's correct.
[ Laughter ]
To put it another way,
airlines are basically turning off the seatbelt sign for COVID
and telling it to move freely about the cabin.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, if you thought Omicron was bad,
wait till you meet the Spirit variant.
[ Laughter ]
Whoo. -Whoo!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-When the news broke,
some pilots actually announced the news midflight,
and people started celebrating.
This is true.
Yeah, passengers were dancing, hugging, kissing,
and now they're all in quarantine.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, there was a crazy scene on American Airlines.
People tore off their masks
and shoved them right into the ashtrays.
[ Laughter ]
How old is this plane? Yeah.
And it's not just planes.
Amtrak has also ended their mask mandate.
Right now train conductors are celebrating
by punching 25 tiny holes in their masks.
[ Imitates punch clicking ] [ Laughter ]
"Can I have your mask, please?" [ Imitates punch clicking ]
[ Light laughter ]
Right now also Uber has announced
that they're dropping all mask requirements.
Honestly, I'm going to miss
getting into a masked stranger's car.
It was kind of fun to play that game --
my ride to the airport or kidnapping?
You know? [ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, the White House isn't happy with the ruling.
They called it disappointing
and urged travelers to keep wearing masks,
but they said that they're not fighting the decision.
It's kind of like your parents
when you tell them about your new tattoo.
[ Laughter ]
"I don't know if you're going to like
'Suite Life of Zack and Cody' in 20 years.
But go for it. Get the tattoo.
Hope for a reunion."
Speaking of the White House, I read that President Biden
has told former president Obama
that he plans to run for re-election in 2024.
Biden was like,
"I'll consider the long, silent stare your blessing."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, that was a good one. Yeah, that's a good joke.
[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you.
Obama actually had some good advice.
He was like, "Be careful.
After two terms, people might say you look old."
[ Laughter ]
Hey, you guys see this?
French President Emmanuel Macron is running for re-election,
and a photo of him is going viral
'cause he's showing a ton of chest hair.
Take a look.
[ Laughter ] -Oh.
-Yeah. There he is.
Well, it's inspired Macron to test some new campaign slogans.
Check these out.
First up, there's...
Next up, there's...
-Whoa!
-And finally, there's...
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey! -Oh!
-Hey!
-Macron.
-Apparently the people of France love the photo
and it's become very popular.
I guess that explains what I saw earlier today.
-E15 is about 10 cents a gallon cheaper than E10.
And some gas stations offer...
[ Laughter ]
-It works.
I like it.
Approval rating up. -Yeah.
-Some more news.
Former president Trump just released a statement
saying that Russia and Ukraine should try to reach an agreement
to end the war.
[ Light laughter ]
When they heard that,
Miss America contestants were like, "Nailed it."
Yeah. Great answer.
Yep, Trump was like, "After eight weeks,
I've now come to realize this is a no bueno."
[ Laughter ]
Switching gears, this is interesting.
Scientists in Japan came up with a creative way
to get people to eat less salt.
Check this out.
-Researchers in Japan hope their new taste-enhancing chopsticks
will make healthy food low in salt taste better.
The high-tech utensils are hooked up
to a special computer device on the user's wrist,
which causes a small electric current
to flow through what they're eating,
activating any sodium ions
and allowing for their tongue to taste more salt
than is actually in the food.
[ Light laughter ]
-Wow, it's just that simple!
[ Laughter ]
Anyone else see a problem combining soup and electricity?
[ Laughter ]
If you want to save time, just pour the soup over your head
and plug yourself into a wall.
Well, this is going viral.
A woman in the U.K. was at brunch with her friends, okay?
And she tried to get her jacket
that fell behind the booth, okay?
And let's just -- let's see how that went.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheering ]
She was -- She fell behind the --
-Three songs.
-Yeah, that's three -- Was it three songs?
-Yes.
-Can I just see that one more time?
She fell behind the thing.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It makes sense because the bar she was at
was called Bottoms Up.
[ Laughter ]
You know brunch went off the rails
when someone does a keg stand without a keg.
Do you know what I'm saying?
After they got her up, she was like,
"Alright, so now we know 11 mimosas is my limit.
Okay."
Also, it was nice of her friends to spring into action
and help her record it, don't you think?
[ Laughter ]
I heard about a woman in Massachusetts
who was learning to drive in a cemetery
and crashed into eight headstones.
[ Light laughter ]
It's just weird that her driving instructor was like,
"Try a U-turn at Edna Doyle's final resting place
and then parallel park by the mausoleum."
Yep. So between that and getting stuck behind a booth,
she had a real tough day.
[ Laughter ]
Guys, it is Tuesday.
It is time for "WeTweet." Here we go.
-♪ WeTweet ♪
♪ WeTweet ♪
-Alright, so this is "WeTweet."
This is where we, as a group,
decide something that we should post on Twitter, okay?
Now, I'm going to show you five different tweets,
and we're all gonna vote on whether you like each one
or not, okay?
You all have voting clickers at your seats.
You can vote for all of them if you like.
You can vote for none of them if you like.
Whatever you want, and we're going to see the results live.
Higgins, Roots, you also have clickers.
-Yes.
-Have you ever been correct on these?
-No, I haven't. -No?
Higgins, have you? -No.
-No? Okay, maybe tonight will be successful.
-Tonight, this is my night.
-You can vote yes or no, yea or nay.
Whatever tweet gets the most likes,
we will tweet it out live on the show
so you can all like it and "WeTweet" it.
[ Laughter ]
It's a shared experience.
You guys ready for this?
The first -- The first tweet is...
-[ Laughs ]
-Wow. I can already kind of tell.
-I like it. -I like it, too.
I just feel like it's -- The silence is a thumbs-down.
-It's humor. -Okay.
I think the -- the votes are in.
And now let's see the results here.
Yeah, no. They did not like that.
-Wow. -Resounding no.
No, thanks. No air horn.
No air horn. [ Imitates air horn ]
This next one is...
[ Laughter ]
-Come on, that's good, too.
-Make your vote.
Yeah, here we go.
Now let's see the results on this one here.
What do you think of that one?
-Whoa!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I think they went a little too heavy on that one.
-Yeah, that's 160. I voted yes.
-Yeah, here we go. Alright.
This next one is...
[ Light laughter ]
[ Jazz music plays ]
Not for you? -Not for me.
I don't care for that.
I don't care for that type of humor.
-Let's see the results on that one there.
Let's see what we got.
Yeah, no. I agree.
I agree with this one.
This next one, though, I --
-You like this next one?
-Well, again, I don't want to pick favorites,
but you can vote for all of them or none of them.
That's the rule.
Or you can put your clickers down.
You can go, "I don't feel like doing this."
Yeah, "I came here to be entertained.
I don't want to entertain you." -"I don't want to work.
Why don't you decide what tweet it is?"
-Here we go. Here's the tweet here.
Next up is...
[ Laughter ]
-Is "Twinkie" a euphemism for something?
-No, no, it is not.
No, it is not. No, it is not.
-Okay. I'm sorry. -No, it is not.
It's a -- -Twinkie.
-It's a Hostess --
-It's kind of tan-colored tube.
-Yes. -Filled with cream.
Got it. -Alright.
-This is a family show. I'm voting no.
Disgusting.
-Let's see the results on that one right there.
-Whoa! -Oh, boy!
-Whoa! [ Cheers and applause ]
Wow! -I think it's a good idea.
I think it's a good gag.
Someone yawns, you shove a Twinkie.
-Sure. A Hostess. Hostess comes over.
-The last one here is...
[ Laughter ]
-Shhhh!
-That's pretty good. Yeah, I like that one, too.
Okay, everyone.
Let's see the results right now.
Right there. Yeah. Not bad.
Alright, I think we know.
Looks like the winner is...
Yes!
I'm going to post this during the commercial break.
Thank you for helping me out.
If you see it on your feed,
give it a like, give it a "WeTweet," and enjoy.