- (sobbing) Please!
- Buy my merch. - Mac!
There are 62 Kidz Bop albums.
62.
62!
62?
62.
Girl!
62, bitch.
Well, technically, 61.
But in a few days, number 62
might just come hopping out.
62!
What is Kidz Bop?
Let's rewind back for a second.
Kidz Bop is a company that gathers a bunch of kids,
like a (beep) ton, and has forced them to sing
some Top 40 hits while also changing the lyrics
to make them more acceptable to kids,
and then selling that to parents for their children.
I believe it's made by the same people that do
Now That's What I Call Music!
'cause it's the same "graphic art is my passion" design.
That one is on number 75, which is weird as hell.
All that is is just a compilation of music on an album,
which is weird, 'cause Spotify playlists now exist.
I don't know why we're still making albums
with top hits on it when you can literally listen
to all the top hits updated weekly on your phone.
(ethereal music)
But for Kidz Bop, it starts off with a simple Kidz Bop.
Yummy, delicious. You've seen the commercials.
- [Announcer] You'll go crazy for Kidz Bop!
- At least some of y'all have.
Some of y'all weren't even born
when the first Kidz Bop came out!
Oh no!
Now we got Kidz Bop 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, all the way to 40.
Then you would think, "That's where they'd stop.
They shoulda stopped way before that,
but that's probably where they stopped."
No, bitch!
'Cause then we got Kidz Bop Monster Ballads,
Kidz Bop '80s Gold, Kidz Bop Country.
And we can't forget Kidz Bop World Tour!
They went on tour!
Please tell me why I was this close
to getting box-seat tickets to see them
at the Hollywood Bowl last year.
Don't ask why, ask why not.
With 62 albums, it has to be apparent
that at least one out of every 200 person
knows at least one Kidz Bop Kid.
You know one personally?
Are you acquainted with the Kidz Bop kiddery?
A Kidz Bop alumni from the Kidz Bop Academy?
Y'all probably do.
I'ma tell y'all, y'all probably do.
Y'all probably know one right now.
You definitely know one right now.
Y'all know Zendaya, Zendaya,
snorting cocaine on camera Zendaya,
glitter on her face walking down hallways
to the sound of Labrinth's voice Zendaya,
was a Kidz Bop kid?
Kidz Bop 15!
Not only was there Zendaya, you also got Mitchel Musso,
Gibby, bitch, Gibby, and Ross Lynch,
which is actually not that surprising.
That's not that surprising. That's not a read.
That's not a read. It's a read.
It's probably a read. That's a read.
I have personally never listened
to a single Kidz Bop song in my entire life.
I've never been forced to.
I've never been suggested to.
It's never been brought up into my upbringing.
Probably explains a lot about who I am today.
That was not a read. That was a read.
That was a read. That was a read.
So I have no clue what they've sang,
no clue what songs they have decided to kidify,
but today, that's going to change.
Sorry, I'm looking at birds circling
around my window right now.
By the way, I'm not home.
Coulda brought that up, wait a minute.
My boyfriend and I, y'all know my boyfriend?
My little hunk, my little WAP.
He's not a WAP. He's not a WAP.
He could be a WAP. He's my WAP.
Jake, you're my WAP.
- [Jake] Thank you.
- We're celebrating our two-year anniversary,
and so I decided to get us a hella expensive-ass hotel
just because it had a great-ass view.
♪ Let me sit this ass ♪
- That's the end of that story.
Y'all don't need to know how much it costs.
We've been here for a good second.
Y'all don't need to know much it cost.
It cost a lot. That's all you gotta say.
Thank you, Native Deodorant. That's all I gotta say.
So I'm gonna go down and review every single Kidz Bop album
that's been out, all 62, or at least until I'm tired.
And y'all know me, I might get tired really fast.
Not listen to every song, but just have an awareness
of what songs they decided to cover together.
I am doing this so you don't have to.
Y'all probably didn't want to.
Y'all probably never asked for it.
But here I am, a newbie to figuring out
what the kids been boppin' to, you know?
(audio glitches) - Lit!
- Okay, Kidz Bop 1, Kidz Bop, 2001.
Some of y'all weren't even born then,
and I'ma say it right now, that hurts my feelings.
Apologize to my old ass right now.
Oh, whoa, wow! They did a lot of songs.
I was expecting to open this bitch up and only see four.
What was hot for the kids in 2001?
Let's see. First track, "All Star."
Oh, no, oh, no.
Oh, I'm getting flashbacks to that fucking commercial.
Jesus Christ.
"Oops!... I Did It Again," "Bye, Bye, Bye,"
"All the Small Things."
(mock sobs)
Aah!
"What a Girl Wants," "I Want It That Way,"
"That Don't Impress Me Much"?
Really?
♪ That don't impress me much ♪
- Okay.
- "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" da ba di, oh, I remember that one,
on that commercial every five seconds.
Those commercials came on all the damn time.
(audio glitches) (woman laughs nervously)
The success of Kidz Bop 1 came Kidz Bop 2,
with songs like "Kryptonite," "Survivor."
What'd these kids survive?
What they survivin', a paycheck cycle?
These kids are around 8 to 13, they have
full-ass singing careers, while I'm sitting there
watching it happen, eating my Froot Loops,
and they were the same age as me too!
Okay, Zendaya!
Matter of fact, actually, let's look
at Zendaya's Kidz Bop album.
What songs does Zendaya sing?
Kidz Bop 15, with today's biggest hits,
like "So What," "Let it Rock," "When I Grow Up."
Wait a minute, "When I Grow Up"?
(tense drum music)
It's all about boobies in that song!
- [Computer] No they don't.
- Wait a minute!
♪ When I was young I wanted attention ♪
- Shut up!
♪ But I ain't complaining ♪
♪ We all wanna be famous ♪
- First of all, they said, "Fuck a harmony."
They said, "We kids, we just screamin',
we carryin' a tune in a mic in a studio."
Okay, sorry, I don't know, why am I reading children?
♪ And I wanna have groupies, groupies ♪
♪ Groupies, groupies, groupies ♪
♪ Groupies ♪ ♪ Groupies ♪
- She doesn't say boobies!
She says groupies, right?
I'm sorry. (does spit take)
♪ Get it, get it ♪
- Get it?
Y'all hear Zendaya in there?
♪ Get it ♪
- Y'all hear her? ♪ Get it ♪
- I don't, but y'all hear her, right?
"American Boy," "Forever," "Hot n Cold,"
"Disturbia," "Burnin' Up," "I'm Yours,"
"One Step at a Time," "7 Things."
Is there a commercial for this?
Is Zendaya on the commercial?
- [Announcer] It's time to shine like a star
with the incredible Kidz Bop 15!
- Okay, where's Zendaya? Gimme Zendaya.
♪ You're hot then you're cold ♪
- Is that, wait, was that Zendaya?
Was that Zendaya?
(does spit take)
Wait, go back!
Is that Zendaya?
That's Zendaya!
Do not, do not come for me.
That has to be Zendaya!
I can't. I can't.
Wow.
There used to be music videos?
Wait a minute!
Oh my God.
(laughs) Oh my God, it's Zendaya!
♪ You change your mind like a girl ♪
♪ Changes clothes ♪
♪ And you ♪
♪ Change your mind ♪
♪ Like a girl ♪
♪ I would know ♪
- What? (guffaws)
There she is, "Shake It Up" queen herself.
Snortin' fake cocaine on camera.
Spinning hallways with Labrinth goin'...
(Mac and Labrinth vocalize)
Zendaya.
(audio glitches) - Lit!
- They really said, "Come here, kids, sing these lyrics.
We don't care how y'all sing it.
We're makin' money off of y'all regardless."
The Kidz Bop franchise has sold 16 million albums.
I mean, that's not really surprising on the fact
that there's 62 of 'em, but still,
16 million people have dialed the 9-100,
boop-ba-doop-ba-doop-boop Kidz Bop,
"Sell me that shit," shipping and handling $19.99,
and this company's still bustin' 'em out because of that.
♪ You're in and you're out ♪
Oh my God, you see where "Shake It Up"
got its aesthetic, right?
♪ Shake it up ♪ - You see where "Shake It Up"
got its aesthetic.
Like, this is very apparent.
♪ We hug, we make up ♪
- "We hug, we make up"?
Are kids not allowed to know what kiss is?
They said, "Kids don't kiss, kids hug.
Kids don't know what kissing is!
Kissing is porn! Kids don't do porn!"
Look at her! Look at her!
She's into it, too.
She said, "Girl, I'm Zendaya."
Put these kids on the green screen and said,
"Jump around. We don't know, we make good money."
I wonder how much they had to compete
for a solo in the Kidz Bop songs.
Was there competition? Was there bloodshed?
Was there tears? Give me all the drama.
Who did Zendaya have to sucker punch
for the first few lines of "Hot n Cold"?
Who did Zendaya outsing?
Give me the list. Give me the drama.
(woman laughs awkwardly) How much did Kidz Bop Kids
get paid for this, $12, a lollipop, and some exposure?
I don't know.
There goes Ross Lynch! Oh my God!
I wonder if these kids were doing this Kidz Bop stuff,
Zendaya and Rossy Lynchy, knowing that one day,
she would play a drug addict on camera
and he would play a child serial killer.
I wonder, I wonder.
Now I gotta see little Gibby.
Kidz Bop 14, here we go.
- You've never seen Kidz Bop like this!
♪ Take me ♪ - Where is he?
Where is he? Where's Gibby?
- [Announcer] It's a whole new way to make this summer fun!
- Gimme Gibby! I want Gibby!
Let me see Gibby!
- [Announcer] 14 features special guest Sean Kingston!
- What? (does extended spit take)
- Lit! - Where did he go?
What happened to Sean Kingston?
Wait a minute! Did the kids eat him?
He said, "Eenie, meenie, miney, mo,
eenie, meenie, miney, bye."
Oh my God, oh my God, wait.
Was that Gibby?
Was that Gibby? Go back!
Was that Gibby?
I think that was Gibby. That's Gibby.
Wait, look at little Gibby!
I think that's him. I hope that's him.
I don't know, I don't... White kids look alike.
Or was the kid in the beginning Gibby?
Was that Gibby?
Where's Gibby? Who's Gibby?
(woman laughs awkwardly) And then Mitchel Musso
is also on this one.
Maybe the the kid with the guitar was Mitchel Musso,
and then the other kid was Gibby.
I'ma just believe that. I don't know.
White kids.
(woman's laugh stutters as if frozen)
- [Computer] Are there a long amount
of unharmonized songs later?
- Kidz Bop 20.
They sang "Born This Way"?
Wait a minute!
They sang "Born This Way"?
The Kidz Bop sang yay to the gays?
Kids sang yay to the gays?
Wait a minute!
On my Christian server? Okay!
(intro to "Born This Way")
Okay, first of all, come through, higher production value!
They said, "That's 16 million hittin' now."
♪ She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on ♪
- First of all, okay, wait.
All these kids look drastically older
than the original Kidz Bop Kids.
They said, "No, this is for the teens."
♪ Listen to me when I say ♪
- Great.
♪ I'm beautiful in my way ♪
- Yeah, still fuck a harmony.
Gimme the gay, gimme the gay, gimme the gay,
I want the gay, gimme the gay.
Also, why are the Kidz Bop Kids dressed
like they're on the catalog for a Macy's commercial?
Like, no kid dresses like these people.
These Kidz Bop Kids dressin' like someone
walked into a closet and was like, "Here."
Like, why so many layers?
I'm waiting for the line.
Give me the gay is okay, that's all I want.
Okay, here it is, here it is, here we go, here we go.
♪ Whether life's disabilities ♪
♪ Left you outcast, bullied, or teased ♪
♪ Rejoice and love yourself today ♪
♪ 'Cause baby, you were born this way ♪
- Bitch, bitch, bitch!
Did they de-gayify Lady Gaga?
Don't even cover it at that point! What?
They dead-ass just said, "Lady Gaga, but homophobic."
They said, "Lady Gaga with traditional family values.
Lady Gaga, but she go to church every Sunday."
I don't know about y'all.
I don't know what y'all wanted these kids to talk about.
That threw me off for a second. That took me into a loop.
I feel discouraged.
Kidz Bop said, "Fuck you," you know?
Kidz Bop Ultimate Hits.
Y'all had hits?
Was it with Sean Kingston?
It was with Sean Kingston, right?
"Tik Tok," "Dynamite."
"Tik Tok"? That song's about drinkin' all day.
What did they do?
♪ Before I leave, brush my teeth and then I go and pack ♪
The lyrics! Why? (laughing)
"Before I leave, brush my teeth, then I go and pack"?
Shut up! Let me read the lyrics.
What are the lyrics?
Give me these lyrics!
"Before I leave, brush my teeth, then I go and pack,
'cause when I leave for the night, I'm not coming back.
Talking pedicure on our toes, trying on all our clothes,
boys blowing up our phones."
They still have my boys blowing up the phones.
They can't talk about the gays,
but they can talk about men wanting the pussy?
Okay.
Okay!
"Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs,
pulling up to the parties,
trying to get a little bit silly."
Just trying to get silly, guys!
She's brushin' her teeth, she's packin',
she's getting a little silly.
(laughs)
"Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'm all right till we see the sunlight."
Are you not okay after the sunlight?
Y'all missed your bedtime, that's what happened there.
(woman laughs awkwardly) And then they just
repeat that four times.
They skipped the entire second verse.
They said, "We (laughs) could not fix that one."
They said, "That verse is too much."
"But we kick 'em to the curb
unless they look like Mick Jagger"?
Kids don't know who that is!
"California Gurls," "I Gotta Feeling," "Single Ladies."
"Single Ladies"?
They got these kids singing about getting married
at eight years old?
Girl! And y'all couldn't sing about the gays?
♪ If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it ♪
- They got these kids singin' about marriage?
They're eight years old!
Now that they see that he's into it.
Into what, girl? You eight!
And y'all couldn't sing about the gays!
Okay, okay, Kidz Bop.
Have a 14-year-old girl telling people to put a ring on it
is okay, but "Don't be a drag, just be a queen,"
is too much, too much for the kids.
Kids should learn the importance and desire
of getting married at eight years old, yeah, okay,
but being okay with authentically being yourself,
no matter what sexuality you are, is too much.
The world we live in!
What kinda ring, girl? A Push Pop?
"If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.
Don't be mad once you see that he want it."
What he want?
You do his homework? What's happening?
"Don't treat me to the things of the world.
I'm not that kind of girl.
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve."
Girl, you're eight.
"It's the boy that make me, then takes me
and delivers me to a destiny, and deliver and beyond."
I was the boy making you at eight?
But singing about the gays, that's too much.
That's all I'm saying right now.
(woman's awkward laugh repeats)
- [Computer] Are there a long amount of un-
- What have the kids been bopping to recently?
Kidz Bop 40, let's see.
"Old Town Road," shut up.
Shut up.
I don't even wanna hear, shut, I don't even wanna hear it.
Shut up.
"Truth Hurts." "Truth Hurts"?
What these kids singing about with "Truth Hurts"?
"Why men great till they gotta be great"?
Girl, the men y'all dating's seven!
They ain't gonna be great for a while!
♪ Why are you great till you gotta be great ♪
- Why who great till they gotta, what?
♪ Why are you great till you gotta be great ♪
- Who?
♪ Why are you great ♪
- "Why you great till you gotta be great"?
Is that grammar? (does spit take)
♪ I'm 100% that kid ♪
- "100% that kid"?
(laughing) I hate this!
♪ You coulda had a good friend ♪
- "You coulda had a good friend," bitch, period.
I can't listen to this song, guys.
I'm done with this.
(woman laughs awkwardly) They've also done
songs in different languages, too, apparently.
We got "Wie schon du bist."
We also can't forget about "Regenbogenfarben."
Okay! (audio glitches)
I'm sorry, rant time.
I find censorship one of the stupidest things in the world,
'cause it makes no sense to me.
It's so selective and biased.
Two, it makes no sense because
they're gonna find out later on.
Maybe instead of spending all the energy
trying to shield your child from truths,
why don't you just slowly explain the truths
as they come across them?
Maybe if you just spent time explaining to your child
how things work, over time, then maybe
they won't grow up so shocked by the reality of the world,
or so invested in the wrong thing.
I don't know how to explain it.
I don't know, that's just me.
Censorship is just so half-assed to me.
Ignorance causes more problems than education.
In my opinion, censorship is just
a fresh, sparkling form of ignorance for children.
If you don't want your child to go down a certain pathway,
explain to them why they shouldn't.
Don't hide the fucking pathway! They're gonna find it!
Let your kids listen to Lady Gaga, damn!
Kidz Bop, please don't sue me.
Have you ever listened to Kidz Bop?
- Do I have to be honest?
(Mac cracks up)
- That already gave me an answer.
Did you grow up listening to Kidz Bop?
- A little, yes.
- Were there multiple?
- There was multiple.
When I say multiple, I want to clarify
that it was less than 10.
(Mac guffaws)
- Did you have a go-to Kidz Bop song?
Was there one that always played,
and you were like, "This is my (laughing) jam"?
Were you dancing to Kidz Bop?
- I specifically have a memory,
one of our old family friends, her daughter
and I at eight years old choreographed some dance
to some Kidz Bop song, and we showed it to our parents.
I think it was right after that, I was like, "Okay."
- Was this the one you choreographed to?
- No.
(Mac laughs)
(Kidz Bop Kids' "Kryptonite" plays faintly)
(Mac guffaws)
- Was this the one you danced to?
This is the one you danced to.
This is the one you made the choreographed dance to.
I feel it.
(Kidz Bop Kids song plays faintly)
Pausing that.
- I do remember (laughing) one of the moves that we did.
She was in front of me, and I was behind her,
going opposite directions, going like this.
- I think this is the end of our relationship, Jake.
It also might be the end of this (laughing) video.
Say bye.
Okay, what did we learn today, kids?
What did we learn today?
- [Jake] I was an embarrassing child?
- Yes. - Lit!
- We also learned that apparently
you can put a ring on an eight-year-old,
but when they sing Lady Gaga, they gotta keep out the gay.
So, moral of the story, we've already
been down this alley 10 times,
but I don't even think I have to say it any more.
Censorship is stupid! Kidz Bop hid in their bag.
Shout-out to MaryFox2319 and hiim_spongebob,
who retweeted me on Twitter.
Comment down below, who was your favorite Kidz Bop Kid?
Mine was Gibby.
Sorry, Zendaya.
Last week, I asked you guys to name the child
of the parents who started the wildfire
from a gender reveal party.
The Voodoo Child said Timber. Yes.
TotallyAud said, "'What's the name of the baby?'
Parents: 'We think we'll name-'
California: 'Mistake.'" (does spit take)
Olivia Shaw said Ashton or Ashley.
(giggles) Wow, we're fun.
Reya Bo Beya said Ash-ley, Ashton, Ember, or Forest.
And on that note, there you go!
Hi, my name is Mac, and don't forget
to like, comment, and sub-scree-bay, wow!
(energetic, stuttering electronic music)