- "How long will the ambulance be?"
"16 feet, six inches."
Why in the world is he smiling like a creep?
(upbeat music)
Hey guys, welcome to another episode
of "Medical Meme Review."
I think it's about time to get a good laugh.
This has been a heavy time for all of us.
Laughing sometimes carries a healing nature of its own
I got myself some raw cashews.
"It looks like you're pregnant."
"I'm pregnant?"
"No, but it looks like you are."
Oh, don't do that.
Don't do that doctor.
I've had a patient like that where I've walked into a room,
nothing to do with what she's looked like
but because of her chart it said that she's pregnant
and I walked in and I said, "Congratulations,"
but really it was the wrong chart.
So it was a really embarrassing situation
'cause I'm telling the patient she's pregnant,
she thinks I'm saying that to her because she.
That was stressful.
Therapist, "Anyways."
Me, "'Anyways' isn't a word.
"You mean 'anyway'."
Therapist, "Anyway, we were talking
"about your difficulty making friends."
I have friends that correct grammar.
I get it, 'cause you wanna have people speak
grammatically correct, in a grammatically correct manner,
but man when you're just having fun,
or sharing certain things with people, you want them to not
judge you on your grammar.
You want them to love you
even if you're ill grammatically correct.
Doc, "Do you smoke, drink or do any other narcotics?"
Why other narcotics?
"Hells yeah, I'm down for whatev's yo."
Doc, "Tight, we should kick it later."
We have to ask these questions.
The reason we ask these questions 'cause to better assist
in understanding what risks you face.
You smoke, we may need to do some screenings.
You drink a lot of alcohol, maybe I wanna check
a blood test.
If you do hard drugs I'll counsel you on quitting.
You don't wanna hear it, you don't wanna hear it
but I'll tell you the risks so you're aware
and educated on to what risks you're facing.
I said risks a lot.
It's about risky risks.
Doctor, "Hi, how are you?"
Me, "I'm well thanks."
Doctor, "Get the F out then."
I disagree with this meme because I want patients
to come see me as a family medicine doctor when they're
healthy because we wanna keep them doing well.
How do we do that?
Counseling, vaccinations, cancer screenings, blood tests,
Dustin Coach, Doctor, "You need to eat healthy."
Me, "No."
Doctor, "They last patient who didn't change their diet
"after I suggested it died."
Me, "Oh my goodness."
Doctor, "In a plane crash."
Me, "That sounds unrelated."
Doctor, "I'm the one that crashed it.
"Do not disobey me."
That did not go in the direction that I thought
it was gonna go.
Eat healthy but not because your doctor may kill you
in a plane crash.
And first of all how in the world did the doctor
survive the plane crash?
"Who would cure COVID-19 first, Meredith Gray or Dr. House?"
I think House would make 18 mistakes first
and call it every other virus every named in human existence
and then by the time the patient already recovers
on their own he's gonna be like, "It's COVID."
And then Meredith would be like in a steamy session
with McDreamy who ends up dying, she gets with McSteamy
and then in the middle of a romantic session it hits her,
it's COVID-19 and she tells them and then saves the world.
But that's how these shows work, it aint real life baby boo.
"Is it okay to have kids after 35?"
"I think 35 kids is enough, don't you?"
No she's not asking about having 35 children, she's talking
about having kids after the age of 35.
We call that pregnancy of advanced maternal age
and the reason we do that is because it's considered
a higher risk pregnancy.
That doesn't mean you can't get pregnant after 35
so please do not worry.
But if you have a question speak to your doctor.
I just made that really medical.
"I have a 1:30 appointment."
"Which doctor?"
"No, the regular doctor."
"I'm having problems with my hearing."
"Can you describe the symptoms?"
"Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy."
I'm having problems with my hearing, can you describe,
Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy.
The symptoms sound like "Simpsons" but apparently a medical
education doesn't prepare you to understand jokes like this
so I failed you.
"When you see a claim that a common drug or vitamin kills
"cancer cells in a Petri dish keep in mind
"so does a handgun."
Oh my God, that's violent but it's absolutely true.
In fact bleach kills virus on surfaces
but bleach also harms you.
That's why we tell you not to drink it
or not to put it on you.
Please don't inject anything into your veins
like disinfectants, that's not how it works.
"My organs when I swap my fifth iced coffee
"of the day for a single cup of water."
Ah-ha, you shouldn't be drinking five cups of coffee a day
generally speaking 'cause that means you're not sleeping
enough, you don't have the energy
for whatever it is you're doing
and you're functioning on overdrive.
Actually, myself, I'm going through a caffeine rehab.
Saturday and Sunday, today's Monday, I didn't drink caffeine
at all and that's new for me 'cause over the last six months
I've been drinking caffeine pretty much every single day.
Today, I don't know if you can tell, I'm speaking kind
of fast, had a cup of coffee.
"CPR is just the human version of blowing into a video game
"cartridge hoping it'll work again."
That's really dark.
You know, I don't even know why we did that.
Was that like a thing that we did 'cause we had anxiety?
That was calming for us like (exhales).
When someone stops breathing they're essentially dead
and you need CPR to bring them back but when a game
isn't working and you blow in it the game's not dead
it just, there's some interference.
"Sitting in conference after a night shift like."
There were so many times where you had to work
a 24 hour shift and then stay for morning rounds
and you wanna stay up and you wanna learn from it
but your eyes are like, "No, you will close."
You fight so hard you turn purple
and then people look at you really weird and you're like,
"Oh I should probably just have another cup of coffee."
"New interns entering the hospital on their first day like."
Aww, that's so cute.
Yeah, when you walk in you're like,
"I'm here to help the world."
And someone's like, "Go and do this, do that, stat,
"help with this nurse, help this patient, do this."
And you're like (gasps).
"when you let the med student betadine the patient."
That's actually really funny.
So those of you who don't know betadine is how you disinfect
areas before you do a procedure or a surgery.
It has this unique color to it, it's like dark in color.
So this does look like an area that you betadined.
Is this photoshopped?
I don't even know if this is photoshopped.
I can relate to this.
I had a spray tan once in one of my videos.
I think it was either my night time routine
or how to get a summer body video.
I got a spray tan for one of the first times ever
and I looked so weird.
Sorry I just need a walnut, walnut, I need a cashew,
a raw cashew.
"Big Pharma's first Adderall meeting."
"Meth, but for children."
That's so bad.
It's bad but it's accurate.
One of the main active ingredients in Adderall
is methamphetamine and it's kind of interesting,
and surprising and ironic at the same time,
that methamphetamine's something that causes you,
that acts like an upper, actually calms patients
who naturally are too up.
Right, but it works.
And it doesn't mean it's right for everybody.
Don't push that on patients.
And patients, don't automatically request it when you think
that you don't have a great attention span.
Some people, especially some patients that I have, come in
and tell me that, "Oh Doctor it's hard to study for tests.
"I'm not really distracted and I can focus
"for long periods of time but I just don't like studying
"so I can have a prescription for this?"
That's not what it's for.
These medicines have true side effects
and you'd be taking them unnecessarily, it's bad for you.
"RPG roles in the body."
For those of you who don't know, role-playing game.
Well the stomach could be the Damage Per Second character
'cause the stomach burns everything with acid.
I'm with it.
The heart, okay it's the Healer 'cause it loves.
I think the brain would be like the Sorcerer
rather than the Rogue 'cause I don't think brains
are sly they're more like wizardy.
And the liver is the Tank.
I would make skin the Tank.
Many of you didn't know the skin is an organ
and guess what?
Your skin blocks almost all viruses
and bacteria from getting in to your body.
That's why they have to land on your mucus membranes
to get in 'cause your skin's like, "Nah B, I'm a tank."
This is getting weird.
"Me after mingling at an interview all day."
"Please allow 48 hours for full recovery."
Oh my God that's how I feel.
But not necessarily with med school interviews.
When you would go to med school interviews
it's kind of exciting 'cause it's your future
but when you have to mingle for a long period
of time with people who are really smart
it takes a lot of brain power.
Especially for someone like me who like, I have to really
be on and afterwards I just wanna come home
and like melt into the couch
with Bear on top of me melting into me
so we become this weird human-Bear combination.
Check out this hilarious "Memes Review" episode right here
and if you're having a tough time with quarantine
check out some of these tips I put together for you.
Right here, click it.
Click it.