Joining me for today's headlines
is my good friend Dulcé Sloan.
What's going on, Dulcé?
Hey, man. I'm still above the ground, baby.
I like that. That's, like...
You know, before, we used to say that just as a saying,
-but now it's, like, a real thing. -Yeah. Mm-hmm.
You're-you're really above the ground.
Truly. I meant, like, in-- I-I don't know how high we are,
but we're not supposed to be up here.
-We shouldn't. -Like planes.
-I mean... -What?
-Good to have you. -Thank you.
All right, let's jump straight into today's headlines.
♪ ♪
Let's kick things off
with a surprising new side effect of COVID-19,
and this isn't a physical side effect
like shortness of breath or loss of smell
or mask ears,
where the elastic loops make me look like Obama's secret son.
No, this is a side effect
of how COVID has become a political football,
or, as Americans call it, a political soccer.
But, yeah, basically, it turns out
that once conservatives got angry
about having to protect themselves from one disease,
they decided to do it with other diseases
as a matter of general principle.
New polls out suggest Republicans are much less likely
to get a flu shot now than they were before the COVID pandemic.
Several national polls say there was not much difference
between the number of Republicans and Democrats
getting a flu shot in the years before the coronavirus pandemic.
However, Business Insider is reporting
there's now a 20% gap
between the members of the two political parties.
About two-thirds of Democrats say
they have or plan to get a flu vaccination,
while, for Republicans,
that number is less than 50%.
Researchers say that indicates
the political battle over the COVID vaccine
is now affecting flu shots as well.
Yeah, that's right. Many Republicans
have turned against the COVID vaccine so hard
that now they're turning against the flu shot.
And, look, with the COVID vaccine, I get it.
I get it.
It was new.
People didn't trust the technology.
But, guys, the flu shot has been around since forever.
You can't decide now to hate it.
It would be like if everyone suddenly decided
to hate Betty White.
I mean, we were all cool with her for 140 years.
What changed?
And if you ask me, this is a selfish decision,
because people who don't get the flu shot
spread the infection to everyone.
They sneeze into the air that we breathe.
They grab the doorknobs that we grab.
They touch the subway poles that the rest of us lick.
It's disgusting.
That's why I'm getting my flu shot for sure.
But I'm gonna space it out from my COVID shot.
I don't want to have two shots close to each other.
Otherwise, they're both gonna be there
in my body at the same time.
They might start a turf war.
Shit starts popping off in my pancreas.
Now it's at a crossfire.
I don't want that shit, you know?
Trying to keep it safe in my body.
It just really feels like we're moving to a place
where all of science is gonna become partisan.
That's what it feels like.
Like, in a few years, you're gonna hear news reports like...
Democrats are sticking by gravity,
but many Republicans say they're not interested anymore.
Polls show that up to 40%
of Republicans are now floating off into space.
-(laughing) -And now, Dulcé, over to you in the weather.
(laughing)
It's not as warm as it should be
'cause I got to wear a coat and put my toes away,
-and I don't appreciate it. -(laughs) This is...
I'm a summertime B.
This-this COVID-flu thing is wild.
Well, the only good thing about this is,
now if we don't want them to do things,
we can just threaten to vaccinate them.
-What do you mean? -Like, if they try
to storm the Capitol again, just be a bunch of cops being like,
"Sir, if you come across that line, we will vaccinate you!"
-(laughs) -"Don't make us make this flu shit airborne.
"Sir, sir! Hold him down!
Hit him in the neck! Aah!"
Like, now you just got cops running around with needles.
Just a bunch of rogue nurses out here trying to help their c...
Like, just trying to help the government.
I think you've-you've just stumbled upon the next wave
of American law enforcement. This is actually pretty good.
-Get him! -(laughs)
All right, let's move on. Let's move on
from the war on science to the war in outer space,
because yesterday, Russia woke up and decided
to make things much more dangerous up there
than it needs to be.
Now to a conflict in space.
The U.S. is slamming Russia
for carrying out a missile test
that created a serious amount of dangerous space debris,
which could remain in orbit for decades,
threatening space travel even.
NEWSOMWN: This morning, outrage from U.S. officials
after Russia carried out a missile test early Monday,
firing an anti-satellite missile into space,
obliterating one of its own satellites
and creating a vast debris field that's now orbiting Earth.
Some of that debris coming dangerously close
to the International Space Station,
which is currently carrying four U.S. astronauts.
The crew sheltering for more than two hours
until they were finally given the green light.
Secretary of State Antony Blinken
slamming the Russian missile test,
calling it "dangerous and irresponsible,"
and adding that the debris will remain a threat for decades.
Yeah, Russia blew up a satellite with a rocket.
And, guys, I keep saying this,
but these gender reveals are getting out of hand.
But, for real, though, I don't understand
why Russia blew up their own satellite.
I mean, maybe it was announcing
that it was running against Putin. Who knows?
But-but there's got to be a better way to do this.
I mean, if you want to get rid of something,
you just do what New Yorkers do.
Drag it to the sidewalk and leave a big "free" sign on it.
You know?
But, people, blowing it up
so it sends lethal debris shooting around in orbit--
that's unacceptable, guys.
And if you ask me, someone needs to stand up to Russia.
Like, maybe America should start some sort of force
to defend, like, space, you know?
What's that?
Oh, it did? Ah.
And I called it the most pointless thing
since Trump created Don Jr.?
(laughing): Nah, that doesn't sound like me.
All right, thank you, thank you.
Well, look, man, this is one thing I love about America.
America would never launch a missile at a satellite.
I mean, they-they tried,
but it accidentally hit a wedding in Syria.
But the point is, they didn't hit the satellite.
All right, let's move on to a threat that is closer to Earth--
-vigilante white dudes. -SLOAN: Boo!
Yesterday, the arguments
at the Kyle Rittenhouse trial wrapped up,
and now the jury has to decide whether he'll go to prison,
or become Trump's running mate in 2024.
Meanwhile, down in Georgia, they've begun the murder trial
for the three men charged with chasing down
and killing Ahmaud Arbery last year.
Now, for obvious reasons,
this trial is getting a lot of national attention,
but the lawyer for one of the defendants--
well, he seems to have a big problem
with who is paying attention.
NEWSMAN: An explosive morning in the trial
of the three men accused of murdering Ahmaud Arbery,
with a still-smoldering racially-charged debate
spurred on by defense attorneys
over Black pastors in the courtroom.
Defense attorney Kevin Gough objecting
to Reverend Jesse Jackson's presence in the gallery.
How many pastors does the Arbery family have?
Um, we had the Reverend Al Sharpton here earlier,
uh, last week.
Which pastor is next?
Is Raphael Warnock gonna make...
uh, be the next person appearing this afternoon?
We don't know.
With all due respect, Your Honor,
the seats in the public gallery of a courtroom
are not like courtside seats at a Lakers game.
Hmm. All right, first of all, of course this trial
is not like a Lakers game, all right?
The jury has 11 white people and only one Black guy.
That's basically the opposite of any basketball team.
And secondly, I'm not saying that this guy is racist,
but when you're representing
a guy who killed a Black man just for jogging
in the wrong neighborhood, it's not a great look
to be pointing into the gallery and going, "Hey, this Black guy
"doesn't belong here.
"We should do something about that!
Come on, Jasper, you want to do it again?"
And thirdly, Black pastors have been supporting families in need
from the beginning of time.
Why are you shocked by this?
They show up for everything, whether it's kids killed
in gang violence, whether it's a civil rights issue.
Doesn't matter what it is.
They'll show up. Hell, if you need them,
they'll even show up for emotional support
at your kid's spelling bee.
-(organ playing) -Lord Jesus, please show this dumb little kid
how to spell "platypus."
His family has been through enough.
Mm, amen and amen.
What I'm confused about-- listen, I grew up in Georgia.
Everybody is a pastor.
(laughs): Uh, right?
Everybody is a past... What are you talking about,
you don't want pastors here?
Everybody in Georgia's a pastor.
Also, how am I supposed to trust a Southern white man
that don't want the Lord in the room!
You don't want one of God's servants?
Yeah, you're right. I don't get it.
It would be different if, like, Jesse Jackson's in there
taking up a collection for a "building fund."
So, they're not taking up a collection.
It's not like they're in there preaching.
So you're saying it could have been worse.
It could have been way worse.
They could have brought a whole choir in there with them.
'Cause if I'm a Black pastor coming to that trial,
I'm bringing in a whole Black... I'm bringing in a whole choir
and tambourines, and they're going: ♪ They're guilty ♪
♪ They're guilty. ♪ That's what I'm doing if I'm a Black pastor
down there-- I'm bringing a choir in
and being like, "George, tell your neighbor and say,
"Neighbor, neighbor, this man is guilty.
-Whoo, yeah! -I would start a sermon
every time I walked in the place.
They're just sitting there being quiet.
-It's a p... he said it's a public gallery. -Yes.
They are the public. Anybody can show up.
You can go!
All right, and finally, yesterday, President Biden
held a ceremony on the White House lawn,
along with Democrats and Republicans from Congress.
And they were doing this to finally sign
his big infrastructure bill.
And, guys, I really am confused about why they have to sign
the bill in public.
I mean, I know it's important legislation,
but as a spectator sport, it's pretty boring.
You know, like, where's the drama?
You know, "Ooh, maybe the pen will run out of ink"?
(bleep) outta here, man.
Also, why are they even having a bill-signing celebration?
Passing laws is their job.
Nobody else gets to do that at their job.
Like, after you make photocopies for your boss at the office,
you don't get to pose for pictures while shaking hands.
Heh-heh. I didn't think you could get a double-sided.
Well done, Billy, well done.
But look, I do get why lawmakers are excited about this.
It's the biggest investment America has made in itself
in decades, and there's also some smaller things in this bill
that might do a lot of good:
How to stop drunk drivers
before they even put the car into gear.
It has been talked about for decades,
but now, thanks to the infrastructure bill
passed by Congress last week, it could finally happen.
NEWSWOMAN: It includes a mandate for automakers that all new cars
must use technology
that prevents drunken people from driving.
It will be as standard as air bags.
The U.S. Transportation Department will decide
the type of technology that will be required.
It's estimated 9,400 lives will be saved every year.
The drunk or otherwise impaired driver
will get in their car, and it either won't start,
won't move, or will pull itself over,
depending on what technology is selected.
The sober driver will get in their car
and never even know it's there.
All right, I think we can all agree
this is an amazing law.
First of all, because it will hopefully save lives,
and secondly, because some people will be so drunk,
they won't even know that the car hasn't started.
You realize that, right? They're just gonna get in,
and be like: Rrr! Rrr! Rrr! Get out of the way!
Get out of the way. Waah.
All right, I'm home now.
Wow, my home looks just like the bar.
I guess it's time for round two!
And I know some people are asking,
how will they develop technology
to determine if someone is drunk?
What does that mean? Guys, we already have that technology.
It's called a karaoke machine.
No, but for real, no one is sure what technology
they'll actually use to detect if you're drunk driving, right?
It could be something that tracks if your eyes stay open,
or if you're swerving out of your lane,
or if you're just trying to get to a Taco Bell.
I just hope it's not a Breathalyzer.
That's the one thing I hope.
I don't want a Breathalyzer hooked to the dashboard.
'Cause I'm sorry, I'm not trying to give my car
-a (bleep) every time I want to go somewhere. -(Sloan laughs)
No, I want to save that for special occasions, you know?
Like our anniversary or a Toyotathon.
There is one huge loophole in this law, though,
and that is it only needs to be available
in new cars.
Yeah.
I mean, that's still good,
but it means if someone really likes drunk driving,
all they got to do is drive an old car.
In fact, at some point,
we're probably gonna be able to tell
who's committed to drunk driving,
'cause it's gonna be, like, 2060,
and they'll still be driving a Kia Sorento from 2005.
"Yeah, you just can't give this baby up, man.
You know me. I love vintage cars."
(laughs) "Yeah."
Just have better friends. Like, haven't some...
Like, you've never had to take your key...
like, your friend's keys before?
I mean, I know you have very classy,
very, you know, sophisticated, you know,
-Emmy Award-winning friends, but... -No, no, I know...
That's an interesting point.
So, you're saying the best technology is friends.
Yes! Like, the number of times
I have stopped somebody from driving home...
Also, we have Uber. We have Lyft. We have Teslas.
Like, you could just send somebody a Tesla.
Put in the address. You don't even have to drive the car to...
Like, get every bar a Tesla.
You could put in the address
and then just send their drunk ass home.
Also, people are just assholes. Like, I don't even think it...
They just want to have a good time, friend.
'Cause, like, this is when we need these Karens to activate.
You out here calling the cops
on somebody in a damn Victoria's Secret.
No, bitch, you need to be out here
at this Buffalo Wild Wings
getting your uncle and your daddy.
That's what you need to be doing.
That's the new technology.
Yeah. Like, activate these Karens.
Look, they out here. We just need to release them
like just, you know, frumpy doves
and, like, really just help people.
You just aim Karens in the right direction.
Yes! Like, y'all stay wanting to call the cops on somebody.
So instead of calling the cops
and getting Black people murdered,
maybe I should call the cops
and stop these drunk dudes from killing people.
Just put Karens in the parking lot.
Yo, but still, this-this is a big victory.
It's a big victory for safe driving
and for organizations like Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
Unfortunately, though, it has generated some criticism
from the opposing side.
MAN: In response to recent legislation,
Drunks for Drunk Driving has issued the following statement.
Come on, man, we don't need our cars
telling us when we allowed to drive.
You a car. Bitch, hush.
Hey, asshole,
this is some nanny state bullshit, okay?
Don't tread on me just 'cause you can't handle your drink.
Hmm?
We just got to be cool about this, baby.
Tolerance is all over the place.
Like me. You know me, baby.
After a couple drinks, I'm fine to dive.
Drave. Drive. Got it.
This law, man. (blows raspberry)
Hey, did you see that video of that dog?
You know the one? He's got glasses on.
It's-it's so funny. He's, like, furry and brown.
Wait, hang on, let me sh... Let me show... I'll show you.
I'll show you. Here. Oh, (bleep).
My car tells me I can't drive, I'm gonna (bleep) it up.
Yeah! I'll find a car, 'cause this is America.
If you know you're drunk, you drive better.
But I'm not... (burps)
...drunk.
How's a car gonna know if I'm drunk, huh?
This some kind of Knight Rider car?
Some kind of David Hasselhoff?
Huh? (chuckles)
My God, I miss that show.
And I miss Jeremy.
Let's go! I got my keys.
Oh, I got them. Oh, shit.
(snores) What? No, no, I can drive.
I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
I-I just had a power nap.
How did I get here?
(crying): I am responsible, Jeremy!
Take me back.
MAN: This has been a message from DFDD.
Take us back, Jeremy.
(snoring)