I believe it was the David Sedaris episode,
where you discussed colonoscopies,
and I think you may have even discussed it
on more than one occasion.
You actually discuss it too much I think.
It's not the colonoscopy that I bring up
so much as the drug they give you.
Yeah, the Propofol.
You have the colonoscopy, the Propofol,
which is the happiest I've ever been in life,
and it's a high that I'd like to get back to .
And so I'm constantly calling my doctor
and saying: "shouldn't I have another colonoscopy?"
And the doctor saying: "You were here a week ago."
And I'm saying: "I'm just concerned (laughing),
I think we gotta get back in there."
(both laughing)
So, I was digging through the voicemails,
and apparently on Google, there is also a
text-and-picture option,
and this guy named Ray sent this message in.
and it just says: "So that you guys know,
I'm on the same crazy wavelength as you guys.
I had a colonoscopy today and had something
written on my butt cheek to surprise the doctor,
and the doctor wrote back on it."
So first I'm going to show you this,
and we'll put this up on the
Team Coco podcasts social media,
but even though this is visual,
this is worth sharing I think.
So he wrote: "Hi Doc, be gentle."
And then the doctor wrote back
in full black marker: "I was, happy face."
And he made a happy face.
This is not a way for people to communicate.
(laughing)
I don't think the good lord gave us
two buttock so that we could have
a message on one side and a response on the other.
That's insane, "Hi Doc, be gentle."
That's really something.
And then he wrote: "I was."
This is this man's butt?
Yes. This is this man's bottom.
Okay, yes.
And I don't know, I'm not that
confident going into any kind of procedure
I'm going to be out, where I'm going to
write a funny message.
Like, can you imagine if I needed
some procedure on my heart,
and they're like: "well, we're going to put you under,
you have a pretty good chance Conan, 80 percent
of the time this goes well.
We're going to crack your chest,
get in there, and mess around with your right ventricle."
And then the doctor, I get in,
and they remove the robe when I'm passed out,
and I've got a goofy message,
or series of cartoons that I've written out, you know?
Oh doctor! Here's the key to my heart!
Oh man!
Or you had a gastric bypass
but eight alphabets in a specific order.
Yeah. (laughing)
I don't where to go.
You get my point.
Yeah, I do get your point.
That would be very hard, to eat them in a certain order,
and hope that they lined up in Backwards!
your GI tract in the correct order.
What if it was a really complicated sentence
and you got it all right except one word was backwards?
So it's like: "Hello Doctor! Good luck
on your fishing expedi-xion," instead of expedition.
And the doctor was like: "Oh you fucked up.
You ate the alphabet in the wrong order."
I can't make it out.
And you're swallowing these letters whole?
Yeah, but you have to do reverse-
You're not chewing them?
You can't chew them. You can't chew them.
Okay.
I know, I think this whole thing is a dangerous precedent
of leaving funny gag messages, essentially Easter eggs,
for your surgeon to find.
Because I want my surgeon focused,
like a laser beam, on the task at hand.
And if the surgeon is trying to think of
a funny response to the quip that I wrote on my heart,
then what if that distracts the doctor?
What if the doctor's like: "Oh man, Conan had a
pretty funny joke stenciled onto his chest.
Damn I gotta come up with something."
"Doctor are you okay? We should probably do this quickly.
He's bleeding out."
"Hold on a second. Hold on a second.
What a funny way to come back at Conan?
Yeah, you think so buddy. No that's not funny."
"Doctor, his blood pressure is dropping rapidly."
"Hold on a second. Excuse me nurse.
This is to be funny. It's gotta be...
How about: Yeah, you wish.
No, wait do I capitalize the
you to show I'm being sarcastic? No."
(imitates flat lining heart monitor)
You died!
"Conan O'Brien's gone sir."
"I just figured it out! I just got it!"
Yeah I worry about that. I worry about it.
I don't know. I like it.
Oh, you like the scenario where I leave this Earth?
No I like the note, I think that
this guy probably does colonoscopies probably a lot,
and he sees a lot of butts that have no messages on it,
and then he sees this one, and he's like:
"Oh someone actually thought about me."
Yeah, no he's into it, so people
don't even leave him a message,
and he just writes on everybody's butt
after it's over like: "Another Dr. Anderson colonoscopy."
And it's got his signature, and a little logo.
(laughing)
Yeah, I like that.
I like the idea that maybe you're right,
maybe it's nice if we started
writing messages to doctors on our bodies.
Maybe I'm overthinking it.
Yeah maybe it's time to start writing messages like:
"Good luck doc! And remember if you screw it up,
there's plenty more O'Brien's where this one came from."
"Good luck Doc! It's a jungle in there!"
(laughing)
"Good luck Doc! Wait 'til you see what I had.
I did not fast Doc!"
"Welcome to the yard sale!"
♪Welcome to the jungle, I ate a burrito last night♪
♪Welcome to the jungle, you're in for quite a fright♪
What?
I'm sorry, just playing pranks on a guy
who's doing your colonoscopy,
by not fasting, and then eating all kinds of crazy stuff.
I swallowed a parking meter! Ha ha ha!
What is that voice?
I don't even know why I'm doing that voice?
Why is Axl Rose doing this now? It's stupid.
Well anyway, congratulations on your fun buttocks prank.
You sure showed that colonoscopy giver.
(laughing)
The doctor?
Doctor, what I said.
But I wanted to be more specific.
That was not it.
I know.