- How can mommy be a better mommy?
- Mommy, you can be a animal.
- Ah, mommy could be a better mommy
by being an animal.
That is a very good answer.
- Mommy, what animal do you like the most?
- Probably an octopus.
- Mommy, you like the octopus so much.
- I do, I love the octopus
because the octopus can change any color that it wants
and it can change its shape.
And that's as close to magical powers that you get.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. It's pretty cool.
- Can I tell you something else
that you taught me?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Before dad and I had you and...
We didn't do much singing or dancing.
- Why?
- I don't know. - Did you try?
- What?
- You were just too shy to do it?
- Yeah, I was a little shy - Yeah, me too, when I...
- and I didn't think I could sing,
but you and your brother
taught me that I can sing and dance.
So that's why we have dance parties all the time.
- Yeah, in the dark, - Yeah.
that's very fun.
- I never want you to forget
that you just being you
is all I needed to love you.
That's it.
And that never ends.
- It's funny but the same, the same fear I would,
always– a fear that my Mom was not gonna be there
when I woke up.
But then the good thing for your fear
is that she was always there.
So maybe sometimes fear is just,
when it's just, when you love someone so much
or when you love something so much, it would disappear,
but it's not really, truly gonna happen.
- But I know that sometimes you don't
like things about me and it's normal.
I hate some things about my mom when I was growing up.
It has to be something, it's okay, it's good.
- Sometimes I hate when, or I hated when,
when you told me I couldn't have sleepovers in the week.
- And why did I tell you that?
- Because I fell asleep in class.
- Sometimes I know you don't like boundaries,
but I'm a parent, I have to do it.
- You don't like when we argue?
- No, I hate it.
- Yeah. I don't like it either.
I try to apologize afterward, at least.
'Cause I think that's important
for us when we realize
that we feel bad about something
to let the other person know,
instead of just letting it go.
- I may have all my own issues
and problems and challenges and things going on,
but you guys only have one childhood.
So I have to make sure that this is about you.
You know, it's not about me, it's about you.
- I guess I'm most reluctant
or hesitant to tell you about hate online
and things that people say and the amount of it
and I just want you to enjoy your success
rather than know that there's a negative side to it.
- But no matter what,
I want you to be passionate
about whatever you choose to do in your life
and success will come
from that passion.
As long as you love what you do,
I think that's the most important thing.
- I'm hesitant to tell you things that I feel
that you're not ready to hear yet,
because I don't want it to change your view
of anyone around you or your view of yourself
and because you haven't had certain life experiences,
I'm hesitant to tell you certain things
because I wanna protect you.
- What do you guys talk about as young people?
Like actually, what...
I mean, if you don't discuss,
What are you doing?
Are you hanging out? Are you talking?
Are you just eating?
Are you just playing games or what?
- I just play sports.
- Do you talk about your feelings as young men?
- There's nothing that you can't tell me
and there's nothing that you can tell me
that'll make me stop loving you,
so it doesn't matter.
I don't care how ugly it is,
I don't care how petty it is,
I don't care how small it is,
I don't care how weird it is.
It does not matter.
In your entire life,
you can tell me whatever,
and I will listen to you.
- Okay.
- And I will love you.
I may not like you very much in the moment,
but I will always love you.
- The things that matter
or the things that I used to think that mattered,
don't really matter that much.
And the things that really, really matter
is what kind of person you are.
Like, what's in your heart,
and who's in your life and how you be together with them.
- I think that I'm starting to like...
Realize that you need a different type of parenting.
Like, for me, I want to protect you.
I want to make sure you don't go
through the same things that I've been through.
But I'm starting to understand that you are different,
you gonna handle things completely different
and if I don't let you go do certain things,
then you're not gonna grow.
It's hard, but I understand how necessary it is now.
But just be patient with me.
- It's hard...
To raise a...
Kid the right way.
And with all parts of...
Yourself that you haven't even used in your own life.
- The hardest thing would be
not trusting that now
you're your own young adult
and you got this,
'cause I'm just desperately
still trying to mama you,
when I know you got this
and I trust you.
- It's definitely a dance of like.
- Yeah, yeah
- You know, when to help you
and when to back away.
- I always tell everybody that you grew up with me,
like I grew up with you
and that you went through all the stuff that I went through.
- I think I'm a little bit more understanding now,
'cause I'm older. - that's true.
- 'Cause I think when you're younger...
- It's like every year,
it's more of my story unraveling to you.
(chuckles)
You know, like, I tell you bits and pieces
of what happened in college. - I definitely
have more patience than I did before.
- What happened in high school.
- I would also say it's been hard for me to
have the courage to be angry with you.
I actually don't think I've done that enough.
- Okay.
- You know, to be able to say, I think that's like
a really f**king bad idea.
- I hope you also know how proud I am of you
for just like, really trying all the time.
You know, you just do it.
If it doesn't work, you, you know,
you find a way to apply what you've learned
to the next thing.
And...
I think that's really great.
- To me you're like, my flower
that's just continually to bloom and
present more and more petals of the beauty that you are.
And you know, they say you're little Tammie.
- Yeah. They ain't lying.
So yeah.
- Yeah
- I think the one area that scares me
the most is when you get depressed.
That to me is hard, is really, really hard.
'Cause that, I just want to take that away.
- You need to...
Understand your value
and how amazing you would be to a partner
and how lucky someone would be to have you as a partner.
Like, you really need to like, own it.
- I would've have loved
to have been able to take away that pain.
I can be there for a person,
I can hold you in my heart,
I can hold you literally.
I can empathize with you
and care for you and hurt inside because you're hurting,
but I can't fix your pain.
I can't fix anybody's pain.
- I'm sorry you went through all that.
I wish I could take it all away.
The bullying.
What you went through, what you did.
That's really a lot to take...
In.
But I'm glad you changed
and you stopped and you made that turn.
- I mean, you just, you have a good heart,
that's the point, you have a good heart.
And...
And then...
It's really...
It's a good package.
- And you took it upon yourself to get over it,
which is like the big- - I didn't have a choice.
- You did, mom.
- Well, that's true, but I...
- You got to know like,
you could have cut ties with me,
like intimate ties with me, right?
You could have never thrown me out of your house
but you could have just decided
that we just didn't understand each other
and we're never going to be able to handle it.
- I don't know,
I guess I've blocked the unpleasant things that we share
because we share so many things that are so pleasant
and so uplifting and happy.
- And I'm very grateful we have come a long way.
Very long way.
And I thank you for being the daughter that you are.
You're forgiving,
you're understanding.
And I know that if nobody in this world love me,
I know you guys love me.
And I never have to look for love.
- So you feel free to always come to me.
I may not give you the answer you want,
but I'll give you an honest answer.
- That's for sure.
- And I will love you until the day I leave this earth.
And then I'm gonna have trouble
kind of communicating with you.
But someplace up there,
you'll know that I'm watching.
And I love you dearly
and you brought so much to my life.
- I love you too.