[MUSIC PLAYING]
What's the one thing you would never find in your house?
A wife.
[DING]
No, I'm kidding.
An elephant.
I don't know.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING]
I don't know.
Wife was funny, I guess.
I know.
Leave it at that.
There probably will be.
What's a talent you wish you had?
Uh--
[DING]
Taller.
[LAUGHING]
Is that wrong?
Invisible.
All right.
Yeah.
I'm incredibly visible.
Is that a talent?
You can't-- no.
If you can't sleep in the middle of the night, what do you do?
Uh-- sign head shots.
I don't know.
There's no right answer.
There's no wrong answer.
But that was a wrong answer.
That was a wrong, but it's fine.
What's your best celebrity impression?
Oh.
On Saturday Night Live, I used to do Michael J.
Fox from that old show.
(IMITATING MICHAEL J. FOX) I'm sorry.
So what are we doing here, exactly?
You gotta give me a minute on this here, Sarge.
Mallory?
Wow.
There's still something there.
All right.
What was the last thing your daughter taught you how to do?
Oh.
Play Pokemon cards.
And she killed me.
She swept, in fact.
How old is she now?
She's nine, but--
Wow!
She's clearly better at it than me,
because she would tell me the rules after we
were playing for a while.
You know what I mean?
I go this, and she goes, I wouldn't
have given that card up.
I go, I don't know what's Zabble Babble from this guy.
You know what I mean?
She's good at it.
Wow.
Nine years old.
Yeah.
Who's your secret man crush?
Oh.
Too many to mention.
Brad Pitt's cool.
That thing that he does.
Yes he is.
Yeah.
Yeah, OK.
Well, let's-- we'll leave it at that.
All right.
Good.
I don't want to get too deep down that hole.
All right.
What movie best describes your love life?
Armageddon.
[EXPLOSION]
If you--
That was a good one.
Yeah.
That was a good one.
It was a good idea.
[DING]
Yeah.
[DING]
He did ring-ding?
[DINGING]
You're not answering anything.
No, I haven't yet.
OK.
If you could join a boy band, what would it be.
Oh, One Direction.
OK.
I've tried.
Yeah.
What do you wear to bed at night?
Mm.
Oh.
Let's get quizzical.
I wear usually just boxers and a shirt.
That's not that funny, but, you know, I do it so in case
I have to leave the house.
What kind of shirt?
Like a button down?
Like a button down.
Yeah.
Like a tie and a shirt.
Clip-on, because it's in case I have to run.
Yeah.
You want it to be aerodynamic.
Yeah.
I know.
Someone you would want to be stuck in an elevator with.
Anybody from your party.
Remember when you had your birthday party
all that time ago?
That was a long time ago.
Yeah, way back.
What creeps you out?
Spiders.
I shouldn't even tell you, because then you'll
throw a spider on me next time.
I am scared of spiders, and--
What else?
That's it.
I'm proud.
Snakes?
No.
I like 'em.
Really?
Yeah.
When I was a kid, we had five rattlesnakes in the house--
as pets.
My brother had them in a cage.
Five rattlesnakes?
Who keeps rattlesnakes?
Joe Dirt.
That was my whole family.
[CHEERING]
We had a tarantula, five rattlesnakes, a boa
constrictor, and a python.
Wow.
Yeah.
You really aren't scared of snakes?
No.
Have you ever worn a disguise in public?
I've gone as you unintentionally,
because some people yell from the TMZ tour, Ellen!
I go, man.
Whoever they yell, I just--
I'm happy they notice me.
[LAUGHING]
Is that it?
That's it.
All right!
I did great.
I got a pretty good score.
Yep.
[LAUGHING] We'll be right back.
What did I win?