Hello everyone!
So today I wanted to do a little more of a casual vlog
to just hang out and talk about life as usual.
Um, let me set my camera down so you're not like wobbly all day.
So I want to talk about change.
I want to talk about going through different phases in life
and honoring the phase that you're in.
I got a comment on a recent video saying how it's interesting how
I used to talk about do, do, do doing all the things.
And now I'm all about doing less and really slowing down.
And I think it's, you know, there's a time for everything.
I want to put it in perspective.
When I was younger, I think it's good to be all about taking action
and hustling and doing when you're young,
because you have to go out and explore and do all the things.
Especially in my journey.
I was nobody, you know?
You had to like put in the work to eventually build something
that people would pay attention to.
Back then, I definitely had to create my own opportunities.
So I do believe it's important if you're starting out to be proactive
and, you know, put yourself out there
because you kind of have to get the momentum started in order for things to keep going.
You can't just like, do nothing
and expect everything to come to you, right?
But now I'm at a place in my life where
I've been working for a few years,
and I've built something that,
I get so many opportunities.
There's a lot to do. There's too much that I could be doing
that I really have to say no to a lot of things that come my way.
And it's exhausting,
just barely doing the things that I've agreed to do.
And yeah, that's why I'm all about slowing down and doing less.
Because it's like all these things coming my way,
which obviously I'm super grateful for.
So different phases in life, you know,
when I was younger, I had a lot of self doubt.
I didn't believe in myself.
So a big challenge and a big part of that was like
just learning to be confident.
I tied success with my self-worth definitely.
And I've talked about this in many videos.
Just healing my self worth, my self love journey.
Because I was raised, you know,
you had to succeed, get A's, don't fail.
And because I decided to take a creative route,
a route that wasn't safe or secure,
I felt the urge to prove myself.
I was like, okay, I did this against my parents' wishes.
I have to make it no matter what.
And so I was trying so hard and working so hard to succeed.
And success equaled self-worth and love
and acceptance from my parents in a way, which isn't healthy.
And in the past couple of years I've been like unraveling that.
But I think now that I have unraveled it,
I feel very comfortable and confident in myself worth.
It's almost like I just have less motivation to work.
You know, because my motivation before, like I prioritize success.
I prioritize achieving, because I had to prove something.
I had to prove to my peers my parents, my family, and everything, that I could do it.
And it kept me going past the point of getting their acceptance and approval,
to the point where I was just like in this cycle,
this grinding cycle that was stressing me out.
I was just trying to keep succeeding
and doing better and better and better.
And it was exhausting.
You know, I'm burnt out just with all the things coming my way.
That is why I'm all about doing less,
slowing down, accepting yourself for where you are.
Because the reality is, you are worthy no matter what.
You don't have to prove yourself.
I didn't have to succeed.
I didn't have to prove myself.
I didn't have to do this in order to, you know, feel good about myself.
I think it definitely helped my self worth journey.
I feel like in a journey you have to have a goal
and get there to realize that that wasn't the point of it all.
So now I'm in a place where I'm really detaching my self worth from my success
and how I do on social media.
Which is why I'm more comfortable posting less,
because I've been on this platform for like,
I don't know, seven years, even over a decade.
And sure, I'm continuing to learn as I go.
But the energy I have is a lot less.
I'm more at peace with sharing less.
I'm more at peace with talking less.
I'm just.. this is the current phase in my life where I'm less about do, do, do
and I'm more about just accepting and being at peace and listening and learning.
Maybe, slowly learning.
I'm definitely more intuitive now.
I listen to my body.
I pay attention to my energy and how much energy I have for things.
Before I would just, maybe I had more energy before,
but I would also force myself to do something and show up and be consistent,
which I think is really valuable as like a habit.
But now I'm honoring the natural cycles and the natural phase of energies
where like one day I might feel like doing nothing.
And the other day I might be inspired and I would be productive.
Every day is changing.
So don't expect yourself to be a robot doing the same things every day forever
because things will change.
And I saw this quote on I think Twitter or Instagram that I really liked.
It was something like, you are not a machine.
You are more like a garden.
Some days you need more water. Some days you need more sun.
Some days you just need to give yourself peace, air. Whatever.
That's not the exact quote.
I forgot what it was, but you are a garden basically.
You need something different every day.
And you also naturally change with the seasons
and that's okay.
You have times where you are just a seedling
and you have times where you have blossomed.
And then there are times where your pedals are falling off
and you're ending your cycle,
getting ready for the next cycle.
So I thought that was a very beautiful idea.
Obviously Lavandaire is very flowery.
So, um, yeah.
I just thought of something just to remind you that,
you know how I was saying, I have less motivation to work hard.
I have less energy to work.
I think society categorizes that as lazy.
You know, when you have no energy and you don't feel like doing things,
people just call you lazy.
But I think it's because our society is conditioned and programmed to
work hard and be productive
because, you know, they need to keep us working to produce value for the world.
Meaning like, you know, in factories, in the workforce.
It's all about optimizing the productivity and the output of the people.
But like I said, you are not a machine.
And lazy is just a word to like shame you for being
feeling how you feel.
Because sometimes you don't feel like working hard.
Sometimes you don't have the energy for it.
It doesn't mean you're lazy.
It means something else deeper is going on.
And maybe you should pay attention to that feeling and what it means.
I restocked my peanut butter and I am so happy.
This is really my staple.
I eat this almost every day.
Sometimes I switch up the fruits and it's a different variation,
but I love it. It still makes me happy.
I don't get sick of it.
Perfect combo, apples, bananas, granola, and peanut butter.
I had a thought that I wanted to share it.
Let me know what you think of this.
I don't believe people are inherently lazy.
There aren't lazy people.
Lazy is the symptom.
It's masking something deeper, right?
I guess there's multiple things that could be happening.
Number one: being lazy could just be the symptom of the activity is not meant for you.
That path is not right for you.
So you have no energy to do it whatsoever.
No motivation.
And so it's a sign that that's not what you should be doing.
You should look elsewhere because I do believe that people naturally want to create.
People naturally light up.
We get excited about things.
We should pay attention to the things that get us excited.
Laziness can also be fear.
And this is a huge one.
Being lazy is your fear of taking a risk, your fear of getting uncomfortable,
your fear of living your fullest life, becoming your best self,
because it's hard. It's scary.
It just, it takes courage to do those things.
And laziness can also be not just the fear of like your greatness,
but it's also the resistance and procrastination that you might have
because you care about that thing.
Look, so say you care about this project and it really matters to you.
And yet you procrastinate.
That's not being lazy.
That procrastination is your fear because you want it to be good, but you're afraid to mess it up.
You're afraid to fail.
So maybe when we're lazy, it's really just because we are afraid.
We're afraid to take a chance because we're afraid to fail.
And the obvious is that laziness can come from
depression, just being depressed, mental health issues.
Obviously there's a lot to unpack with depression.
So I don't want to make it... I don't want to oversimplify it here,
but it could really mean that something deeper is going on,
but I don't believe that people are naturally inherently lazy at all.
If you feel lazy or unmotivated, it is a symptom of something else going on.
So it's up to you to kind of dig deep and see.
Is it a fear? Is it just not right for you?
What is your body telling you?
Okay. Since I'm here and I have my Artist of Life Workbook with me,
I'll just share my current me vs future me drawing.
I was going to do like one video on this.
And then I realized like, oh, I don't know.
So I felt more comfortable sharing it at the end of this casual video,
because I think less people will see it.
All right here is my current me versus future me in the Workbook.
I did this in March. So a little over a month ago.
Let's just look at this.
I mean, I feel like right now I'm going through a transition period,
doing less, releasing my ego and self-importance.
Questioning like, what am I without Lavendaire?
I do feel like my life is very abundant.
I'm very grateful for a lot of the things I have.
My relationships actually have improved since the pandemic, which is great.
I've been house shopping, but really no progress there.
Learning to let go of obligation to post and grow consistently.
Let it flow naturally with ease. I don't need this pressure.
This is a huge theme.
Just really letting go of, I guess, my public self
and who I feel like I need to be like posting consistently showing up all of that.
And really just accepting where I am right now.
Here's my future me.
This girl is at peace. She's dazzling.
She supported, joyful, loving, happy, beautiful, grateful, or I guess it says grounded.
All I really want is to flow and be at ease.
I put here Queen of Wands energy.
If you guys know about tarot,
Queen of Wands is the card of just this like powerful,
graceful woman who is super creative and intuitive.
These are affirmations from the book I'm listening to
by Deepak Chopra called SynchroDestiny.
I am beneath no one and superior to no one.
I am fearless in the face of any and all challenges.
I am independent of good and bad opinions of others.
I am always impeccable with my words and actions.
All about filling my cup, putting self-love and self-care first.
And always chic and fashionable,
living in a beautiful, well-designed and organized space.
Yup. That's my current me versus future me.
Honestly, I'm happy with where I am.
There are some things I'm learning and going through,
but hopefully the future is just more peace and ease and natural flow.
By the way, I show this on Instagram, but this is branching.
I'm so excited. If you saw my recent vlog, I chopped this guy off.
He was super tall and now we're branching.
Branching just means he's growing in two different directions instead of one.
And this was the top guy.
I keep saying guy, but this plant was named Lyla.
I believe she was a she, but you know what?
We're all gender fluid now. So I guess it doesn't matter.
Look at these roots. So cool.
By the way, I've been wearing these shorts every single day.
It's spring now. So it's like the perfect weather to wear this.
And it's a little embarrassing, cause I've literally wore this like all week, but I love it.
Find it on my shop! I'll link it below.
All right.
So hope you enjoyed this, a casual vlog today.
Let me know if you want me to vlog this style.
It's really just me talking and going about my day, sharing my ideas,
but I love it because it's a lot less pressure on me to just get things,
you know, perfect and concise.
But yeah.
Love you guys so much.
Talk to you next time.
Bye.