-You look gorgeous. -She ready.
-She ready. You look beautiful.
-Thank you. -Thank you for coming back
to the show, and thank you for a good
thwomping out there for the Lip Sync Battle.
-Yeah, I whupped that ass, huh?
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
-I mean, -- -♪ How does it feel? ♪
-Oh, my God. "Afro Puffs"?
-Yeah. -That's a good call, man.
-Yeah, that's, like, one of my favorite songs
from back in the day, and I love the Lady of Rage.
And, like, that was one of the first rap songs I learned.
-I love it. Is that "rough and tough"?
-Yeah, I rock rough and stuff with my afro --
-Rough and stuff. -Rough and stuff.
-Rough and stuff with my afro puff.
-You know, everybody messes up lyrics sometimes to songs
that they really don't know. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Did that just happen? -Yep.
-It did just happen just now?
-That was a shade tree I had just put up.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Unbelievable.
You -- Actually, I saw --
First of all, congrats on the Emmy.
-Thank you.
-You won the Emmy for "Saturday Night Live."
Yeah! You won the Emmy Award!
-Thank you!
-You won that.
You posted this photo right here.
It said, "Me and my girlfriend." -Yes.
We sleep together. -You sleep together, yeah.
-Yeah. This is the closest -- this is as close
as I'm gonna get to a lesbian relationship at this point.
-It is? It is.
And you said --
[ Laughter ]
That's fantastic.
You have that, and you're so good.
There's many more trophies to come in your future.
I know that. -Really?
-Oh, you're good. -You think so?
-Absolutely, yeah. -That's so nice of you.
I would prefer more checks.
[ Laughter ]
-No, but don't you want a boyfriend for this girlfriend?
-You know, it would be nice to have a boyfriend.
Like, an Oscar for my Emmy would be cute.
-That's what I'm talking about. -It would be cute.
-That would be cute, right?
-Then I could have, like, a threesome.
-Oh, my! [ Laughter ]
You put up -- -That might be too much.
This is late night, right? -Oh, yeah.
You're allowed to do -- Yeah. -Okay, cool. All right.
-You said that -- You just put it out there.
You said -- describe to me -- You want a dream date.
and you said, "If I was your date,
how would you -- what would the dream date be?"
-Yeah, oh, yeah. I had posted on Instagram that,
you know, I'm tired of being single.
I'm looking to start dating now.
And, you know, I have some requirements.
You got to be like 25 and over, not currently in jail.
[ Laughter ]
-Currently. -Not currently in jail.
-No, no, not currently.
-'Cause I don't know how they get cellphones,
but they -- Anyways...
[ Laughter ]
So, I got some really interesting responses.
I asked them put up the ideal date that you would take me on.
And it was a lot of really, really bad ones.
A lot -- Like, horrible.
-Really? -Yeah, yeah.
Marlon Wayans had --
You know, he had posted something.
It was bad.
He was like, "I'll pick you up on my bike.
It'll be a 10-speed."
[ Laughter ]
He was like, "I'll take you to Burger King,
get you whatever you want to eat."
[ Laughter ]
You know? -He's good, man.
-"I'll take you to the movies to see your movie,
and I'll bootleg it on my cellphone
so you can watch it later.
And then I'll take you back to my place,
but, really, it's my mama's place.
I'll give you a bath in my rusty-ass tub."
[ Laughter ]
But then he said he would make love to me on an air mattress,
which I was like, "Okay, that's cute."
[ Laughter ]
God, that's cheap.
-'Cause I've done that before. And then, um...
-Oh, my goodness. [ Laughter ]
-But, really, that was bad. That was just a bad one.
-Did anyone come close? Who was --
-Oh, there was this one guy.
He's a Marine, and he's a doctor, and, like,
he deals, like, in trauma and stuff.
And I was like, "Ooh. I suffer from some traumas."
[ Laughter ]
And he's like, you know -- he's very handsome.
I looked at his Instagram page.
I'm like, "Oh, he's fine, right?"
Like, super fine. [ Laughter ]
But he's, like, in the middle of like a war zone right now,
so he can't really, like, travel to me.
But, you know, love is a battlefield,
so I'm thinking about it.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You said -- You commented on one thing.
You said you want someone that's gonna survive the apocalypse.
-Oh, yes! That's important. I forgot.
That's one of the requirements.
You know, like, he need to know how to, like,
build a house out of rubble. You know.
[ Laughter ]
Does he know -- -Rubble.
-I know a man know how to kill a cat,
but do you know how to smoke that cat
so it'll last during the apocalypse?
You know what I'm saying?
Can you grow things? -Smoke it.
-Do you know how to kill zombies?
Do you know, like, just things like that?
You know, survival stuff. -Yes, survival stuff.
-Do you know how to cure an infection with weeds?
[ Laughter ] -What?!
Okay, it's just a couple little things like that.
-Yeah, just, you know...