(booting up music)
(upbeat techno music)
(horn flare)
(triumphant music)
- [Trooper] Huh, so this is where the I.T. department is.
- [Trooper] Yes, and not just for the Interstellar Legion.
The Router Planet WiFi 489
is the source of Internet
for hundreds of thousands of systems.
- [Trooper] Huh, wait.
If this is WiFi 489,
What's that?
- [Trooper] That's Router Planet WiFi 489 5-G.
- Got it, so it's, like, kind of the same?
Like, maybe a little faster?
Should we try that one?
- [Trooper] Looks like we need a password to land.
- [Trooper] Fuck it.
Let's just go with the first one.
- According to the records,
the Wayfinder took Escape Pod Number 24601.
If we can access the hard line,
we can track the location
of the escape pod.
- [Trooper] Get ready.
These guys are total assholes.
- [Trooper] Really?
- [Trooper] They spend their whole day in their
own little Internet bubble.
- Oh, come on.
I mean, I use the Internet.
- [Trooper] No, no, no.
They are, like, plugged into the Internet.
- [Trooper] Some of them have to be normal.
- Helloooo!
Welcome to the Router Planet!
- Uhhhh.
- Tell me, what brings the Interstellar Legion
to our home?
- We're looking for a missing escape pod.
- Have you tried turning it off
and turning it back on again?
- Our missing escape pod?
No.
- Oh, sorry, it's reflex at this point.
We of the I.T. people,
We have always known that the easiest solution is
often the right answer.
- [Unseen Voice] The right answer.
- What's going on?
- They live their lives tapped directly into the I-Net.
- Let me explain!
Identical but better.
We of the I.T. people live our lives
tapped directly into the I-Net.
Total information coursing constantly
through our superior minds.
A pleasure that lower life forms like yourselves
could never experience.
- [Ghost Voices] Pleasure, constantly!
Constantly coursing.
- Right, okay.
Well, anyway, we still need to find this ship.
We're hoping we can use your hard line.
- Hmm, all business.
Hmm, well, we can grant your wish.
After all, sharing information is
the greatest gift of all.
Even if one paltry fact
could never compare
to the pleasure of
the eternal flow of cosmic data!
- Help me count.
That's, like, the second time he's said pleasure?
- Yes, why are they so sensual?
- The circuits sing their symphony.
Zeroes and ones, zeroes and ones,
inducing an ectasy born of pure knowledge!
- And from all the porn.
The I-Net is 85% porn.
- [Ghost Voices] Oh, yes, 85%.
We love porn.
- They get it.
- Oh, my God, shut up!
Can you help us find the ship?
- Do you have a ticket?
- Sorry?
- I said did you open a ticket
for your help request?
- No, of course not.
- No, what, you didn't start with that.
I thought maybe it was fine.
- Well, well, well, I understand.
I know, I do.
But the thing is this.
I really need you to have a ticket.
- Eww.
- Because I think you'll understand that
if I just let you get help without a ticket,
then the next person comes along
and they beg me to help them without a ticket.
And then the whole system kind of collapses.
And I'm afraid there's no order left.
- [Ghost Voice] Order and pleasure.
- Three.
- You don't hate me, do you?
- No.
So we're going to walk outside,
open up a ticket and walk right back inside?
- Yes, lovely, of course.
Thank you, thank you.
Hey, we really do run a tight ship here.
(laughs)
I pity you.
You cannot feel the caress
of code against your neurons.
You, who must now stop
watching this episode,
because you have not yet signed up for DROPOUT.
A pleasure palace awaits you
behind the pay wall.
Join us.
(spits)
(groans)
At Dropout.TV.
Woo.
- This Valkyrian Prime may think herself invincible,
but nobody makes a fool out of...
Oh, my cape!
I'm being crushed!
Oh, no, not again!
I'm not going out like this.