Hello I m Darren Magee and today s video is the second part looking at how narcissists,
dark personality types claim, exploit and sometimes even weaponise victimhood. In
the previous video I outlined how people with dark personality traits Victim signal. This is
highlighting their disadvantages, their stresses, their traumas publicly. They also virtue signal
just to be seen as noble, caring and decent. And when they do both, this is what's known as
virtuous victimhood. And according to the research this largely increases their ability to gain
sympathy, attention, resources and admiration, and sometimes they act as if this gives him a licence
to just treat others anyway they want. So in this video I'm going to outline some of their common
tactics. How they exploit virtuous victimhood and why they seem to getaway with it. So if
you find this video interesting, please consider subscribing to my channel. Now just as a reminder,
dark personality traits include narcissism, which is being highly entitled, highly disagreeable and
highly resistant to criticism. There is also a lack of empathy for others. Psychopathy, that is
being callous and disregarding the safety and the well being of other people. Machiavellianism, that
s being manipulative and duplicitous. And lastly there is sadism which is deriving pleasure from
the pain and the misery of others. So you might see the following taking place in workplaces,
communities, families, romantic relationships and even on social media. So first of all, whenever
you meet someone with dark personality traits what you might hear is a terrible sad story, an
awful thing that has happened to them, something they've witnessed or they've experienced. Now I'm
not suggesting that these things haven't happened. They may well have. But it's not uncommon for
issues to be embellished, exaggerated, sometimes even just made-up. Stories of how they have been
mistreated, they have been bullied, or their last partner was a monster. But when they're sharing
their story, they're setting the scene for future excuses with their future victims. It's not me,
it's my issues. It's not me, it's what happened to me. They are also making it more difficult
for people to say no to them whenever they start making demands. Because most people are generally
quite accommodating. They have empathy, they have sympathy and are often prepared to help others.
So they play on people's consciences. Now not only do they want people to give them things and to do
things for them, they also want others to do things for them that make them look good. They
might takeover projects so they delegate, they orchestrate others. Everybody else does all the
hard work because they are so passionate. But they are also quite poorly they can't do it themselves.
Now if that project if that scheme goes well they get to claim all the credit. But if it fails,
well it's the fault of everyone else who was involved. They might volunteer other people,
make it really difficult for them to say no. They volunteer their partners, their kids, their
friends. Enrol them in things that maybe they have no interest in. Or give away their partner s
possessions to others that they deem as being more in need. So they get to look generous, helpful,
altruistic and if the partner complains, they look selfish. Next, any problems, any distress
they experience is no responsibility of theirs, it's everyone else's. It's up to everyone else to
ease their distress. They are helpless victims. If someone doesn't help them, doesn't give them what
they want, well, what we often see is low mood, depression, huge disappointment, sometimes even
outrage. The partner needs to be punished for being selfish. The company needs to get its act
together or they will close it down. The charity needs to be shut down because they don't care
about true victims. In conversations, they talk over the top of others, interrupt them, correct
them, just to put their narrative forward. And if you ever watch closely, sometimes you can see them
almost bursting with frustration when other people are talking or being allowed to talk. Often just
poised, waiting for the opportunity to jump in and takeover. Then there is playing the victim card.
Now if confronted or challenged you might hear things like, Well you know about my difficulties,
you know how easily my distress is triggered. You know what happened to me. How can you say that you
are so hurtful? They can list everything the other person has ever done that has hurt them, anything
that was inappropriate. Sometimes in meticulous detail. They could go into chronological order,
adding dates, other people who were present, even the colour of the carpet. Everything is evidence
of their mistreatment. Now, in spite of their selective amnesia, when it comes to their own
faults, narcissism tends to have a long memory and can pretty much pull anything out of the bag
at a moment s notice to make their targets look like they are the villain. They very rarely pay
any attention to anyone else s pain or distress, especially if they have caused it. Now there are
times when they do pay attention to other people s distress, but only if they are exploiting it to
gain virtue points. Next there is getting involved in what they believe to be a good cause. Whatever
it is makes them look moral. and I could be a campaign of some kind, something online,
something within the community or the workplace. They're fighting for what is right. They are
trying to help those who are less advantaged. And being seen as caring and altruistic can lead their
victims to think that they won't be believed if they were to come forward. Dark personality types
tend to have both a public and a private faces. In public, they are wonderful. They re virtuous they
are helpful. In private, it's only really those closest to them that get to see their toxic side.
The panels will be a more sadistic side to virtuous victimhood. For instance, if they go
after a target like, say an ex partner, a family member who's gone new, contact a competitor of
some kind. Even if it's just someone who disagrees with them. And regardless of how venomous,
spiteful, or cruel they maybe they do it from a sense of injustice because they are the injured
party, and this is what researchers refer to as moral immunity. They believe they are entitled
to some kind of retribution, regardless of how cruel it may be because their target is beyond
redemption and must be punished, silenced, cancelled, socially destroyed. They often gain
support by performing their victimhood, their distress or outrage publicly for others to see.
In reality, what we're looking at there is narcissistic rage, psychopathic callousness
and sadism portrayed as victimhood. They put on public spectacles. Now, even if that's just
on social media, they could be openly weeping to screaming blue murder. Another aspect of
narcissism is they tend to thrive off drama. So how do they seem to getaway with all this? Well,
first of all, everybody is going to experience pain at times in their life. We ll experience
disappointment, heartache or unfairness. People with dark personality traits are no different.
They go through things just like everybody else. But the research shows they are more likely to
exaggerate their pain, exploit their victimhood publicly and demand compliance, compensation and
vengeance. Many have had a lifetime to learn how to control and manipulate. Personally, I
think social media has played a large part in this because dark personality types get to learn from
each other. They also get to learn from genuine victims at a very fast rate. They have learned
victim language. They have learned what gets sympathy. They have learned what shuts others down
and the more they learn the more they do. Another reason why it seems to work for them is they use
emotive arguments rather than factual reason or even principled ones. Victims, opponents are
vilified. They either wait or scream over the top of them so that their story can't be heard. There
is also both a predatory on a parasitical side to this. Don't forget the Machiavellian side of the
dark personality and this is being manipulative, because people are more likely to share resources
and support those who are disadvantaged. No one likes to say no to someone who's already hurt
and in pain, and people do generally sympathise with and cheer on the wounded hero, the underdog,
those who are fighting the good fight. In their personal relationships they use their victimhood
to emotionally blackmail and coerce their partners. In families and workplaces they
make things difficult for others in groups. Rational voices are often drowned out because
they screamed the loudest. They also weaponize feelings, again using emotive language. They play
on peoples fears, their conscience. They claim trauma when in reality they're just annoyed. They
claim their being bullied when in reality they might just be being held to account. They demand
to be validated when really they just want to be indulged. Lastly, why do people seem to believe
them when they played as virtuous victim card? Why do people not believe their real victims,
their targets? Well, personally, I don't think they do. Now there may be those who are na ve.
They have no reason to doubt them at first, but narcissism isn't really that hard to see through
after a while. They always tend to expose their true nature eventually. But then there
are those who collude out of fear, give them what they want out of fear. Maybe they fear
they will be seen as bad, or they'll lose their status, their reputation, or they fear they may
be targeted next if they don't comply. And then there are supporters and enablers who are every
bit as toxic as they are. This is the thing about narcissism. Narcissistic people struggle to accept
whenever they're wrong. They don't really back down, they don't change their mind. They don't
acknowledge an error in judgement. What they tend to do is double down on their opinion, on their
narrative. Even in their support for others. To invalidate someone, they were supporting someone
who's been exposed as toxic, to invalidate them might feel as if they are invalidating themselves.
So in conclusion, highs that they seem to win. I really don't think they do. I think
they getaway with it and that's not quite the same thing because they can't getaway with it
forever. Now if you want you can checkout my video on what happens when narcissistic people
grow older. Or you can have a look at my video on the narcissistic collapse. That will give you an
idea of what I'm talking about. So that s a brief outline of how narcissists dark personality types
both utilise victimhood and virtuehood in order to get what they want. As always there's many things
I haven't included. Please use the comment box below. There are some interesting conversations
start around these videos, and I do like learning from other people. But if you found this video
interesting please consider subscribing to my channel and until next time, thanks for watching.