Narcissists are everywhere, and no matter the situation, they just want one thing: their
Supply.
Their supply is like their narcissistic gasoline, in the form of praise, admiration, compliments,
applause, you name it.
Most narcissists will go to great lengths to get that supply, even manipulate you.
Now, how can you defend yourself against that manipulation?
I would love to say that you just ghost them, or remove them from your life, but in cases
like a coworker, or a family member, or even a spouse, the answer is not that simple.
However, it is possible to minimize the effect a narcissist has on your life, but since you
cannot use flowers to fight swords, you need to learn to use their manipulation tactics
against them.
And in this video you are going to learn how to use their weapon of choice, gaslighting,
to neutralize their power over you.
These are three gaslighting tactics that I personally use to mess up with narcissists
minds.
- Deflect the topic and keep it impersonal - Ask for more details
- And Make them fight against themselves
And these are very special gaslighting techniques because the're really hard to spot.
And you might be wondering, "But Jesús, can these tactics be used for bad things?"
Yeah.
Absolutely.
But think of this as a self-defense class.
If I teach you how to punch people on the throat so you can run away from them, I'm
not responsible if you use that throat punch on innocent puppies.
Welcome back, my Body Language Buddies! my name is Jesús Enrique Rosas, I'm the Body
Language Guy, and It would be great if you join us... by just liking this video, subscribing
and hitting that bell.
Let's get down to it!
Number one: Deflect the topic
I mentioned that narcissists crave praise and admiration, and usually they will try
to trigger that praise by saying something that they did, or casually mentioning an achievement.
For example, maybe you've got a narcissistic coworker who is boasting about a project that
they just completed, and in any normal situation, it's great that we are aware of the achievements
of those around us, because that helps with the teams's morale.
But you know that if it's a narcissist, then they are going to bash it to your face for
72 hours or more.
They want you to say how great, clever, hard working they are.
That's the attention they crave.
The most intelligent narcissists will even set you up so you are forced to compliment
them.
For example, maybe the project was your idea, you suggested that they should do it.
They will come to you and say something histrionic like, "I'm in debt with you, because this
project was your idea".
That will metaphorically twist your arm so you say, "Hey, it was just an idea... it was
YOU who put all the effort on it.
It's your achievement"
And most probably you'll spot delight on their facial expression.
You said what they wanted to hear.
If you want to avoid this kind of situations, you must "train" the narcissist into understanding
that they just can't get their supply from you, and they have to look for someone else.
This is how you will respond.
It's a very easy sentence.
"Oh, that's great!"
And you will say it for real.
You will really mean it, but the magic of that sentence is that it's absolutely impersonal.
There's no "You" on it, so you are not referring to them personally.
But what will upset them is what you are going to say next.
No matter the achievement, you are going to talk about it impersonally.
If it's a company project, you will say something like, "That kind of projects are really needed".
Again, you are not talking about the person.
You are talking about what they did.
And this takes advantage of one characteristic of narcissists; sometimes they will do good
deeds just to get their supply, just to get your praise.
But if you keep the conversation on the achievement, they will be slighly upset.
You'll notice that they try to get the topic back to them.
They could say, "I don't know how I managed to figure out the solution to that", and then
pause to wait for your praise.
And you will nod with your head, looking in to the void, saying "Imagine if this kind
of projects were carried out in other departments..."
You're nodding, so they think that you're acknowledging their supremacy.
But what comes out of your mouth is another impersonal statement and what's more, deflecting
the topic away from them.
That's the secret sauce of this first tactic.
You deflect the conversation away from the person, without changing the topic of what
they did.
You just talk about it impersonally.
If you want to take this a step further, suggest that they should teach other people to do
the same.
That would be a covert insult for them, because in their minds, what they did is unique and
cannot be reproduced by mere mortals.
So remember, deflect topics away from them and keep them impersonal.
Number two: Ask for more details
Sometimes, narcisissts will not get in the trouble of having real achievements to get
your praise.
Sometimes they will have a great idea and they just want your opinion on that.
And this is very common when there is a power imbalance between the narcisisst and you.
For example, if it's your boss, or your narcissistic mother or someone who wants to apply emotional
manipulation over you.
In most of this cases they will try to put you in what's called a double bind, or a no
win situation.
Whatever is your answer, whatever is your choice, it will be bad for you.
For example, a narcissistic mother wants attention and says something like, "Do you think I should
change my hairstyle?"
And there are two possible answers.
If you say "yeah...
I think it would be a good idea", she will answer something like "So you never liked
my current hairstyle?
why didn't you tell me anything about this, all these years? you don't love me anymore?".
And if you say "no...
I like your current hairstyle" she could answer "Aw, as usual...
I have made so many sacrifices since you were born, and I just wanted to change my hairstyle...
I guess that's another sacrifice I will have to make, thanks to YOU"
You cannot win.
But it can be different if you ask for more details.
And I understand that this could be difficult because in these situations it's like walking
on egg shells so you don't trigger the anger of the narcissist.
But instead of answering yes or no, instead of accepting or rejecting what they just said,
you are going to ask for more details.
You answer with a question.
"I don't know... what kind of hairstyles do you like?" "are you sure your hairdresser
will know what you want?" or "Why did you change your hairstyle the last time"
If they react in any way, you just have to answer, "I'm just trying to find out how can
I help you" or "I just asked you a question".
This is very useful in the workplace.
For example, your stupid boss has a very bad take like "I think it will be a good idea
if we change the whole project from A to Z".
If you say no, you're lazy.
If you say yes, well... you're going to supervise the whole thing.
You don't answer yes or no.
You just ask for more details.
"What exactly are we going to change?"
"How many resources could be allocated for this?"
"What do you think would be the timeframe for that?"
You are apparently showing interest in their idea.
But what you are really doing is to overload them with requests of details about it.
Asking for details also forces people to go over all the pitfalls and weaknesses of what
they just said, and even grow insecure about their own suggestion.
Most of the time they will just desist.
So, remember: Never say yes or no.
Play dumb and ask for more details.
They will keep the illusion of control but in reality, it's you that are gaslighting
them into doubting their own perceptions about their own ideas.
By the way, remember that you can level up your skills in body language and start to
interpret behavior clues, by downloading my body language book right on the description
of this video.
Number Three: Make them fight against themselves
We know that for narcissists it's all about them, how great they are, and how they deserve
all the accolades in the world.
But those accolades are almost always attached to something that they did or how they perceive
themselves.
"You are so great" it's a bit generic.
"You are so intelligent" it's a bit more specific, and "You achieved this thanks to how intelligent
you are" is specific and at the same time tangible.
There's something that they did so the world can confirm how blessed we are with their
presence on this earth.
Now, a warning: the third tactic is not something that you'll be able to use all the time, but
when you use it, it's like a poisoned needle that will undermine their ego slowly.
And they will never find out that it was you.
This time you're going to go all in with the praise, the applause, the admiration.
They talk about themselves, what they did, how great they are...
And you're going to say, "I agree... what you did is impressive! congratulations!
I'm really proud of you"
At that moment they will be like a balloon, feeding from that supply they deserve... and
that's when you take out the poisoned needle, and say something like this:
"You set the bar really high.
I bet that anyone would be really stressed to even try to beat that".
Yeah.
It's that simple.
What's going on inside the narcissist?
What they just did, that achievement, earned them supply, praise, applause.
But their ego is so fragile that not even 24 hours would have passed until they try
to do something else to get more supply.
You planted an idea in their mind, that what they just did is so big that it will be really
hard for anyone, and that includes them, to repeat, much less overcome it.
And they will begin to worry about that.
They will stress about, "how can I do something even bigger, better, more notorious?".
They want more supply, at any cost, and that stress is going to force them into making
stupid mistakes.
It's like narcissistic social media influencers who make increasingly outrageous videos to
get more views and more exposition until that need for supply just drives them into making
really bad and stupid mistakes that wipe their whole careers in a matter of days.
That's one of the greatest weak spots of any narcissist.
And as they keep on trying to top that achievemnt they had, you can always add some fuel to
the fire.
"I remember that time you made that ten million views video.
Haven't you figured out how to make something similar? and you being so talented!
I think people don't appreciate your talent."
That's how you make narcissists fight with themselves.
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