Today I want to talk about one of my favorite topics in one of my favorite places my greenhouse.
So let's talk about self-compassion. When I first heard about self-compassion I was
like this is idiotic this is so dumb I don't think I could even grasp the concept of being
compassionate towards myself in a way that would work like I just didn't know how to do it and it
wasn't until I had two kids I was completely exhausted I was stressed out and yelling at my
kids and and you know not being the kind of mom that I wanted to be. And one day I just got the
kids to bed I was sitting in my daughter's room leaning my back against the wall and I was just
completely distraught. I felt like a terrible mother I was you know making these mistakes and
saying things to my kids that I'd never wanted to say and I felt like beating myself up I felt
like chewing myself out and punishing myself and telling myself how bad of a mom I was,
and I remember that night I sat with my back against the wall and I just imagined giving myself
a little hug and saying you're doing the best you can keep trying. And instead of being harsh
with myself I was gentle with myself and I felt a little bit of comfort and a little bit of hope and
a belief in my ability to try again tomorrow, and I went to bed the next morning I woke up
feeling a little bit more loving both toward my daughters and toward myself. I don't think
it would have done them any good for me to beat myself up that night and it certainly didn't do
me any good to punish them when they were making mistakes I mean they were like 2 years old and 6
months old or something. So in that situation self compassion helped me be a better mom.
First off how do you treat yourself when you make a mistake or you fall short like what do
you say to yourself? Do you say things like I am such an idiot or what's the matter with me
and we tend to be harsh or really punitive with ourselves when we make a mistake. How we respond
to our shortcomings our mistakes our flaws and our intense emotions is more important than if we make
mistakes or if we have intense emotions, and we often treat ourselves with harshness punishing
ourselves with anger or self-hatred. And most of us do this as a habit but berating yourself
doesn't help you improve and it can make all of us feel fearful and depressed. Would you ever
talk to a friend who messed up the way you talk to yourself? Probably not. Instead of
beating yourself up we can train ourselves to respond to mistakes in a way that's courageous
and it helps us accept what we can't change and change what we can. In order to do this we must
practice compassion towards ourselves. Compassion and self-love are the best sources of long-term
sustainable courage and while it's easy to see that when we're interacting with others
it's often harder to apply that to ourselves. But compassion is a skill that can be practiced. So
this video is a guided self compassion exercise. A way to strengthen your ability to respond to
painful emotions and experiences with love. So let's begin. First notice that you're suffering.
Instead of just ignoring your pain with a stiff upper lip notice that you're hurting you could
say this hurts or this is stress. Maybe you made a mistake you might feel frustrated and angry or
sad. Just take a minute to notice what that feels like allow yourself to sit with those feelings
without judging yourself or those feelings as bad. Number 2, acknowledge that pain imperfection and
failure is a normal part of the human experience. We all mess up sometimes, self compassion doesn't
pass judgment on those mistakes calling them good or bad and instead it says it is what it
is. The reality is sometimes I make mistakes and that's normal. Or you could say that's
human. Other people feel this way I'm not alone. And number three, imagine how you would speak to
a friend who's going through what you're going through. What would you say to them? Practice
saying compassionate things to yourself like, be patient may I forgive myself keep trying you can
do hard things or I love you. It may be helpful to put your hand on your chest and feel your heart.
Some people may be afraid to try self compassion because they think that it's just an excuse for
bad behavior. Or they're afraid that being compassionate toward themselves might stop
them from trying to improve but self compassion isn't just kind it also helps us do better than
next time. Self compassion doesn't replace or interfere with change it's not an excuse
to make more mistakes, instead it's the gentle forgiveness that gives us the courage to try
again even if we might fail. Self punishment on the other hand makes us more fearful and
perfectionistic anxious rigid and closed off to trying again. Self compassion makes us more likely
to grow and do better next time. So give yourself a break, give yourself some love so that you can
build up the courage to try again next time. Thanks for trying this little exercise with me,
please subscribe if you like these videos and you'd like to see more, and take care.