Hey guys, Practical Psychology here,
and I'm super pumped to bring back
a previous collaborator
due to some amazing feedback.
I hope you guys enjoy!
- Hey, Improvement Pill here.
And for those of you guys who don't know who I am,
I run a channel very similar to Practical Psychology's.
And today we're going to be talking about something
that I'm sure a lot of you guys have problems with.
Let me ask you a question:
Have you ever had a hard time
coming up with things to talk about?
Your brain ever just freeze and you end up with
a long, awkward silence?
Well today I'm going to be sharing with you
four extremely powerful topics
that you can talk to just about anyone.
Learning and using these four topics will allow you
to build large amounts of rapport with just about anyone
and will also allow you to create long lasting friendships.
An easy way to remember these four
is through an acronym I like to call "FORD."
So let's jump right into it.
F stands for Family.
Everyone has some sort of family.
They are an integral part of our lives.
They are the first people that we get to know,
and for that reason, we hold a special place
in our hearts for them.
Studies have found time and time again that
when people share family related matters with strangers,
they feel significantly closer to them afterwards.
Now, the main problem with speaking about family
is that it can sometimes come off very strong
if you ask someone about their family upfront.
What you need to do instead is branch the conversation
in a way so that the topic of family naturally pops up.
Here's two way to go about doing this:
The first is by talking about your family first.
Let's say, for example, you're at a party
and you're talking with some girl,
and you notice there's a very loud, excited guy
on the dance floor.
You could say something like this:
"You see that guy over there?
He really reminds me of my older brother,
who's always energetic and not afraid to let loose.
I feel like older siblings are always like that.
Do you have any siblings?"
By saying something like this,
you direct the converstation towards family
and you also make the initiative to open up first.
This gives her an opportunity to talk about her siblings
without having to have her guard up.
If she doesn't have any siblings,
you could say something along the lines of,
"Oh, do you ever wise you had one?"
Again, the conversation is re-directed towards family,
and the transition seems smooth.
Now the second way to get someone
to talk about their family
is by using what are called "non-sequiturs."
Basically, assumptions that you make about someone.
For example, let's say you meet someone new
at the bar.
You can say something like,
"You know, you look like you come from a big family."
Non-sequiturs like this accomplish two things:
They create a sense of curiosity,
leading to questions like,
"Uhm... why do you think I come from a big family?"
They also sometimes cause the listener to correct your statement.
Maybe they don't come from a big family,
and they start talking about it.
Maybe they do come from a big family,
and they go into details about it.
The second topic is O,
which stands for "occupation."
They say that 45% of our lives
are spent on our occupation.
Whether it be at school, or at work,
it's definitely a big part of our lives.
Speaking about someone's occupation
is actually very common.
It's considered surface-level conversation.
You've probably heard lines like,
"What's your major?"
dozens of times before.
The key to speaking about occupation
is not to dwell on these surface-level questions
and instead quickly jump into a deeper conversation.
For example, let's say you're on a date,
and you ask her what she does for a living.
She says, "I'm a schoolteacher."
A lot of people make the following mistake;
they go, "Okay,
what subject do you teach?"
"Okay, what school do you teach at?"
"Okay, how old are the kids you teach?"
When you ask question upon question,
you enter what's called "interview mode,"
and it's very uncomfortable for the listener.
What you want to do instead
is to add a comment before asking another question.
For example, let's say she says,
"Oh, I'm a teacher."
You could say something along the lines of,
"Wow, you know, when I was younger,
I always wanted to be a teacher.
There's something about inspiring others
that's very fulfilling."
By saying something like this,
you're adding a little bit about what YOU feel
about her occupation before asking the next question.
This leads to significantly deeper topics than,
"Oh, what school do you work at?"
When meeting a stranger,
talking about occupation first
is usually the best bet.
This is because out of the four topics,
occupation is talked about the most.
They feel extremely comfortable talking about it.
The next topic is R,
which stands for "recreation."
Everyone has some sort of recreational activity.
It could be an interest, or a hobby,
sometimes it's even something that
they're very passionate about.
Similar to talking about occupation,
you want to ask surface-level questions
while adding comments in between.
An easy way to lead a conversation
into talking about recreation is by simply asking,
"What do you like to do?"
Yes, I know it's cliche, but it works very well.
Recreation can sometimes be
a little bit harder to talk about than occupation,
because oftentimes, you'll meet someone
who likes to do something you know nothing about.
Don't worry, because in these cases,
all you have to do is approach the conversation
with the following mentality:
Why is this activity so exciting for him or her?
Let's say for example
you meet someone who tells you
they like rock climbing
and you've never done it before,
you could say something along the lines of,
"Oh, that's cool, I've always thought
rock climbing was an interesting sport.
Why do you like it so much?"
Questions like these really make the other person
feel like they're being listened to.
They also allow the other person to really dive deep
and explain to you why they enjoy
their recreational activity as much as they do.
The final topic is D,
which stands for "dreams."
Without a doubt, this is the most powerful topic
you can talk to someone about.
Everyone has a dream that they are pursuing
or wish they could be pursuing,
and this topic is especially powerful nowadays
because the average person does not
get to pursue their dream.
Oftentimes it's because there is very little support
found in our society.
Most people are told to just get conventional jobs
instead of pursuing their passions by everyone around them,
including their parents and friends.
So if you step in and show that you are supportive
of their dreams, they begin to think very fondly of you.
Dreams are oftentimes the hardest things to
get people to open up about,
and this is why it's the last of the four topics
I like to bring up with someone.
You want to make sure you've built
a sufficient amount of rapport before
leading the conversation towards dreams
in order to get truly meaningful responses.
So I'll share with you guys
two tricks that I personally use
to redirect the conversation towards dreams.
Number 1:
Sometimes you'll get an idea
of what a person's dream is, by talking
about their recreational activity.
If they mention that they like to draw,
their dream might be to become an artist one day.
So the first trick is to use this information
and make an educated guess.
So for the person who likes to draw,
you might ask,
"Have you ever thought about becoming an artist for a living?"
And as you can see, this can easily lead
to deeper conversation.
Now, the second way - my most favorite way -
to get someone to open up about their dreams,
is to talk about the bigger picture.
Now, what does that mean?
Well, sometimes I'll be on a date,
and I'll be walking with a girl through a park
and I'll just look at the night sky and say,
"Just look up there, the universe is so vast.
It's so big. I feel like our lives have more meaning
than just working a 9-to-5.
You ever dream of accomplishing something bigger
than what you're doing right now?"
Yes, it's super cheesy, but again, it works.
It redirects the conversation to dreams.
I also like to ask questions like,
"What's something you want to do before you die?"
I like to make the question relevant
to the things happening around me.
Maybe I'll be at a bookstore with someone,
and I see a biography of someone who's passed away.
Or maybe I'll be on the bus with someone
and we'll drive past a cemetery.
And there you have it,
these are the four topics that you can talk
to anyone about.
These are the same four topics I used
back in the day when I was a door-to-door salesperson.
In those days, I was forced to build
a large amount of trust with absolute strangers
in under an hour,
and convince them to give me
their social security number for credit checks
and their credit card information for the actual purchase.
So I can swear by these four topics.
If you guys enjoyed this video,
please check out my channel Improvement Pill
for more similar concepts and ideas.
- Leave a comment below if you'd like more of
Improvement Pill's stuff on this channel.
And go check out his videos if you haven't already,
they're freakin' amazing!
Thanks for watching, and subscribe for more.