TED CRUZ AND HIS MASTURBATORY PRACTICES
HAVE MADE FOR NEWS TODAY BUT WITH
GOOD CAUSE.
WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM JACKING OFF FOR ANY
REASON, NO, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS IN CONNECTION WITH HIS
CRUSADE EARLY IN HIS CAREER TO DEFEND A BAN IN TEXAS ON THE
SALE OF DILDOS AND OTHER
SELF-LOVE ACCESSORIES.
WE WANT TO GIVE YOU THE BACKGROUND ON
THAT CASE BECAUSE IT LEADS INTO WHY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HIM
WHACKING OFF TODAY.
ONE, I WOULD SAY, FUCK YOU, IF I WANT TO OWN
A DILDO I WILL OWN ONE.
I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE HIV, IF I WANT TO
HAVE A DILDO I AM GOING TO WANT
ONE.
WHAT RIGHT IS IT OF YOURS TO SAY I CAN'T HAVE ONE?
>> JOHN, YOU ARE FREE TO OWN A DILDO.
YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF IT.
>>THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL.
>> IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE ONE, I SUPPORT YOU.
>> IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP, YOU CAN STIMULATE YOUR GENITALS
ALL YOU WANT.
BUT NOT WHEN YOU ARE ALONE, WHICH IS WHEN YOU
NEED THEM THE MOST IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
THEY GO ON
AND GIVE A BUNCH OF OTHER GREAT
REASONS WHY IT IS NOT IN THE GOVERNMENT'S INTEREST TO
STOP DILDOS FROM BEING SOLD.
>> IS IT TED CRUZ'S INTEREST TO BAN ALL DILDOS WHEN HE IS IN
FACT A
DILDO HIMSELF?
WHAT KIND OF STRANGE LEGISLATION WITH A DILDO
DOES HE SUPPORT?
I FEEL LIKE TED CRUZ, FOR SOMEONE WHO CONSIDERS
THEMSELVES MORAL, SPENT A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT DILDOS.
>>HE IS THE LATEST WHO WANTS TO CONTROL EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR
SEXUALITY, ESPECIALLY THE SEXUALITY THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE
HAVING INTERCOURSE.
SANTORUM WANTS TO OUTLAW PORN.
HE DOESN'T
THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO RABBITS, OR DILDOS.
>>BUTT PLUGS.
ANAL BEADS.
WHAT ABOUT LUBRICANT?
>> WHAT ABOUT CONDOMS, OR FLAVORED CONDOMS?
>> NO SEX SWINGS.
>> SO, WHY IN THE END ARE WE TALKING ABOUT TED CRUZ'
PRACTICES?
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIS PRIVATE LIFE,
THANKFULLY.
BUT I WOKE UP TO THIS FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T
KNOW.
>>DAMN.
HE LIKES TO STIMULATE HIS GENITALS.
>>OH, SHIT.
HE WENT TO SAY THAT TED CRUZ USES HIS PILLOW FOR
MASTURBATORY REASONS.
AND THERE
IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
WE'RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF HIM,
BECAUSE TED CRUZ IS A BAD GUY.
BUT THERE IS ACTUALLY
NOTHING WRONG ABOUT HUMPING YOUR
PILLOW NIGHT AFTER NIGHT THE WAY TED CRUZ DID THROUGHOUT HIS
UNDERGRAD CAREER.
THIS IS THE EYEWITNESS TESTIMONY OF HIS
COLLEGE ROOMMATE.
TO BE FAIR, FROM WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE
NEWSROOM YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO
HAVE TWO SOURCES.
PRESUMABLY THE SECOND SOURCE WOULD BE THE
PILLOW, BUT IT TURNS OUT THERE
WAS NOT MUCH LEFT OF IT.
AGAIN, HE IS A BAD GUY SO WE GET TO MAKE FUN OF HIM.
>> IT IS JUST SO INCREDIBLE HOW MUCH CONSERVATIVES ARE OBSESSING
OVER OUR SEXUAL HABITS, ESPECIALLY HABITS THAT DON'T
HARM ANYONE AND ACTUALLY DO LEAD TO GOOD THINGS.
MASTURBATION IS
NOT ONLY A NATURAL THING, IT LEADS TO A LOT OF STRESS RELIEF,
IT HELPS PEOPLE SLEEP.
THERE IS A LOT OF RESEARCH ON THIS.
I
KNOW I AM TRYING TO REASON WITH
LUNATICS, BUT HOW DO THEY TALK ABOUT THEIR MORALITY AND
HOW GREAT THEY ARE WHEN THEY ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY OBSESSING OVER
THE SEXUAL HABITS OF OTHER
PEOPLE.
I DON'T THINK ABOUT THE SEXUAL HABITS OF OTHERS, UNLESS
I WANT TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL HABITS WITH THEM.
OTHERWISE I
DON'T CARE.
YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE?
GO-AHEAD.
YOU
WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A PERSON THAT IS THE SAME SEX AS YOU, BY
ALL MEANS HAVE A GREAT TIME.
IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
AS LONG AS
NO ONE IS BEING HARMED IN THE PROCESS, OUR LEGISLATORS SHOULD
NOT BE SPENDING ANY TIME DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT
THEY SHOULD OUTLAW THESE THINGS.
IT IS INSANE.
>> THE REASON WHY HE BRINGS IT UP IS BECAUSE HE IS A
PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER.
BUT
ALSO, IN A TOWNHOME HE SAID THAT I DON'T THINK THAT AS A
CHRISTIAN YOU SHOULD WEAR YOUR
RELIGION ON YOUR SLEEVE WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING.
BUT YOU ARE TRYING
TO ENFORCE LAWS THAT ARE BASED
OFF NOTHING OTHER THAN A PARTICULAR EXTREME THING THAT
YOU THINK IS IN THE BIBLE THAT
IS NOT REALLY IN THERE.
WHEN THEIR POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY IS
SUPPOSEDLY FOUNDED ON -THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD NOT GET
INVOLVED WITH YOUR PRIVATE LIFE.
WE OCCASIONALLY USE THE EXAMPLE
OF REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS.
I UNDERSTAND, SOME PEOPLE DON'T
FIND THAT CONVINCING BECAUSE THEY THINK MORALY THE BABY
REPRESENTS ANOTHER PERSON.
I GET IT.
IN THIS CASE, FROM THE
INITIAL DESIGN OF A NEW BUTT
PLUG, TO ITS MANUFACTURE, TO ITS DISTRIBUTION IN SALE, TO
TRANSPORTING IT HOME, AND TO SHOVING IT INSIDE OF YOURSELF,
AT
WHAT POINT DOES THE GOVERNMENT HAVE ANY NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN
THAT PROCESS?
IF THEY ARE INVOLVED IN THE CONNECTION BETWEEN YOU AND
YOUR
SEX TOY, THERE
IS
NOTHING
THE GOVERNMENT CANNOT GET
INVOLVED IN.
>> I'M CURIOUS ABOUT THEM SPECIFICALLY GOING AFTER SEX
TOYS THAT ARE USED BY WOMEN,
DILDOS,
ñ IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THESE LAWS ARE GEARED TOWARDS WOMEN.
>>OR GAY MEN.
>> SO, WAS THERE ANY LANGUAGE IN THE LEGISLATION PERTAINING TO
MEN?
WAS THERE A BAN ON COCK RINGS FOR INSTANCE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THEY REALLY CARED SO MUCH ABOUT MALE
MASTURBATION.
HOW COULD HE IF HE WAS MASTURBATING HIMSELF WITH
OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM?
>> THAT IS JUST RUDE.
>>EXTREMELY, AND DISGUSTING.
I HEAR GUYS DO THAT THOUGH.
>>YOU MEAN YOU HEAR TELL?
I HAVE NOT HEARD THAT SAME THING, BUT I
GUESS I WENT TO A STRAIGHT EDGE
COLLEGE.
>> THE MALE CIRCLE JERK HAPPENS DURING THE FIRST HOUR OF THE
POWER PANEL ON FRIDAYS, BUT ANYWAY.
I AM SERIOUSLY JOKING,
SORT OF.
I DO WANT TO BRING UP, THE WAY THAT THIS MAKES THESE
LEGISLATORS SEEM OR LOOK IS THAT THEY FEEL AS THOUGH SEX TOYS ARE
COMPETITION, AND THEY ARE AFRAID BY IT, AND THEY WANT IT
OUTLAWED.
WHY WOULD I ALLOW THESE WOMEN TO HAVE VIBRATORS WHEN THEY WILL
GET OFF BY USING THESE
VIBRATORS?
>> WE DON'T WANT THEM TO BE ABLE TO JUST ENJOY SEX OR THINK THEY
SHOULD ENJOY IT.
OBVIOUSLY WE LIKE TALKING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE
IT IS FUN TO MAKE FUN OF TED CRUZ.
THEY RAN UNDERCOVER
STINGS BECAUSE WOMEN WOULD HAVE THESE GET-TOGETHERS, LIKE A
TUPPERWARE SALE, CALLED PASSION
PARTIES, THEY WOULD GET TOGETHER AND SELL EACH OTHER THE SEX
TOYS.
THEY WOULD ARREST AND LOCK
PEOPLE UP BASED ON THIS.
MY LAST POINT IS, I LOVE THIS PICTURE IN
THE BACKGROUND.
IT IS LIKE, GET OUT.