- (FBE) Today, we will be reading some interesting
and slightly awkward text messages. - Oh, okay.
This is really bad because I get secondhand embarrassment really quick.
- Ooh, I've done this before, yes, but I wonder what kind.
- (FBE) This time, we'll be having you read
through 10 different funny and awkward dad text combos.
- Wait, between dads and their sons?
Oh. Oh. This should be interesting.
- Dads are the funniest people.
They're like in a mix between if they know
if they're still a little kid or not, or if they want to be a grown man.
- I've seen them on those really cheesy Instagram meme accounts.
- I haven't experienced that, so we'll see how this goes.
- (as dad) "Hey, honey, did you pick up those assholes yet?
(as son) Wrong person, dad.
(as dad) Sorry, that was for your mother.
(as son) Wait, what asshole? Do you mean me and my sister?
(as dad) Yes."
- Wow, that's so mean. My dad would never call--
oh, I take that back.
- If you're just being horrible to your parents
and a pain, then I get it.
- At least he was honest.
He could've been like, "Oh, no, no, no."
He was like, I can't lie.
Like, good for him, you know?
Honesty is the best policy.
He might as well just tell them, "How are you assholes doing?"
- That's probably going to be me as a parent.
- Classic dad.
Are these even real, though?
If my dad said that about me and my brother,
I'd be, like, hurt.
- Honestly, I could see myself doing this in the future.
- (as dad) "You left your phone at home."
(laughing)
This is always so funny.
How is she gonna see that text?
- (as dad) "You left your phone at home."
(chuckling) That's a very dad thing to do.
- Oh, ho-ho-ho, what the heck?
- That's something my dad would do, actually.
He'd just say something and I'd be like,
"What are you talking about? What are you on?"
- Knowing parents, they're gonna be like,
"Why didn't you respond to my text?"
- He left his phone. He texted him,
but he won't respond since he left the phone.
Get it? 'Cause it's-- 'cause it's-- it's funny.
- (as dad) "What's the difference between
a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?
(as kid) I don't know.
(as dad) You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
(scoffing) Who laughs like that? "Hehehehehehe."
- (as kid) "What about the glue?
(as dad) I knew you'd get stuck there.
(as kid) Oh god."
(laughing) Oh god. That's such a dad joke.
Except I kind of want to recycle it.
- "Hehehe." That's the fake laugh.
- My dad does this shit a lot.
It's like, dad, please stop.
And he's like, "Who's Stop?"
- That was bad. That hurt me.
- My dad hasn't said a dad joke in forever,
which I was spared, but that was good.
I'll give you that. That was good.
(as kid) "What about the glue?
(as dad) I knew you'd get stuck there."
(chuckling) I hate myself.
- "Dad: Hey, do you want me to buy you something
from the store?
(as son) Some con--" Oh, I've seen this one before.
This is beautiful.
(as son) "Some condoms.
Going out with some girls. I need protection.
(as dad) Son.
(as son) Yessssss?" Like, six s's question mark.
(as dad) Your face is enough protection."
Boom!
His dad's a straight savage.
- I like how he put "son." He's about to let him know--
(laughing) this is a serious matter, so I gotta let you know
before they tell you themselves.
- That's a pretty clever dad.
- That person's also really bold to tell their dad that.
I guess, honestly, father/son dynamics are a little different.
- But wouldn't that be a backfire on him
because it's like I helped make you, so you being ugly as protection
so you won't get any girls to smash, you're basically calling yourself ugly
because it's like, wow, he probably got those looks from me.
- (laughing) That is not cool, dad.
Not cool at all.
You need to talk with your son.
- (as kid) "Dad, there's a moth on the outside of our bathroom door.
Can you get rid of it?
Please, hurry. I'm going to cry.
Dad! Dad!
(as dad) Dad is dead. You're next. Love, Moth."
That was creative. That was cute.
That's how I would be as a dad, too.
I like that one.
- If I have a girl, I want to be the protective dad,
or just mess with her 24/7.
- (laughing) I hate this.
These dads are so cruel, but it's funny.
- Oh my god, that's so mean.
The other day, I was scared there was a bug in the shower
and I was, "Dad, you need to check every corner."
The only thing dads are good for.
I'm just kidding. That's so--
I'm kidding to all the dads out there.
- (as kid) "Dad, how long have you been sober for?"
(as dad) 25 years for alcohol and 17 minutes for porn.
(as kid) Okay, thanks for the added bonus detail, dad."
I knew if my dad said this to me, I would want to go
and jump off a cliff.
- I don't need to know that. At all.
Why would you tell me that?
- You think your parents are so pure, and then you just realize
they're not and they've probably been through
way more than you have.
- Ew. (chuckling) That's so gross.
- I know that "everyone watches porn" and whatnot,
but I do not need to know that my father--
from my father-- that he watches porn.
That's disgusting.
I don't want to know all that.
TMI, dad. Blech!
- (as kid) "Good job! And now you're text messaging.
Welcome to 2014.
(as dad) I'M A NATURAL." In all caps, that's-- okay.
(as kid) Ha ha ha ha ha.
(as dad) Voice message 2--"
(laughing) That's actually so funny.
I could just picture him going, "Voice message 2 Mellissa."
- Yeah, I like how the "2" is there too, dang.
(laughing) Was he typing that? I'm so confused.
- The classic old people can't use technology joke.
- My dad still types like this.
[Inaudible] do this or this?
It's funny, but I feel like my dad's getting better
at technology.
- (laughing)
(as dad) "In a meeting. In a meeting.
In a meeting. In a meeting.
In a meeting. In a meeting. In a meeting.
(as kid) Are you in a meeting?"
(as dad) No, why?"
Why would you ask such a thing?
- I'm guessing it was one of those things
where, you know, when you call someone
and they decline it, then you can have the automatic
message that says, "I can't talk right now, sorry."
That's probably what he was doing.
- At a certain point, parents just like to mess with their kids.
- (laughing) These are just-- I've had more entertaining
conversations with my dad than this.
- I haven't really had that problem.
My dad butt dials me all the time, though.
- What? Dads are so weird.
They have their own little sense of humor
or just their own way of doing things,
and I don't think I would ever understand that.
- (as kid) "Hi, daddy, everything okay?
(as dad) I just spent the last three hours
in a bra, so yes, everything is great.
(as kid) In a bra? Does mom know LOL?
(dad) In a bar, definitely not a bra.
(as kid) That's a relief, dad."
- Dads and autocorrect, they don't go together.
They always mess up somehow.
- Oh, hey, I even noticed that it's called "Pop."
They're rolling dice except for this one.
I wonder what kind of people they are.
I haven't seen that in a minute.
- Still, does mom know he's in a bar?
That's the real question.
- I was over here thinking that dad was in a bar,
in a bra, and it's like, "Whoa, dad.
Is there something you need to tell us all?"
- (as dad) "Don't come home.
Me and your mom are getting it on tonight.
(as kid) Ha ha ha.
Gotta hate auto-correct, right?
(as dad) What do you mean?
(as kid) You made a typo, right?
Look at your last text.
(as dad) No, I did not make a typo.
Dot, dot, dot."
See, put a "Don't disturb" sign or something,
or put a sock on the door handle.
I think I'd get the message from that.
- Disgusting!
Disgusting.
I don't need to know this stuff.
And then they'll be like, "It's okay.
When you find a man, you'll be able to do
the same thing."
And it's like, "No. No, no, no, no.
Don't bring that up."
- Why don't you just give them a different excuse,
like don't come home because there's construction going---
I don't know-- something.
See, I would be a good parent because I know these things.
- I would throw my phone into a body of water
if I received that text.
- (FBE) So overall, what do you think about
all these texts? - They're embarrassing!
It made my stomach bubble, and now I do realize
that dads, in a unison, are their own species.
- I feel like it's very accurate and stupid.
Dads, get with the program.
- They're definitely awkward.
I mean, some of them actually made me laugh,
like the ones where it's just really random,
dads are clueless to technology.
- My favorite one was actually the moth one
because I could see myself doing that.
- Dads are so crazy. (laughing)
- Thank you for watching this episode on the React channel.
- Let us know in the comments what we should react to next.
- Bye guys.
- Hey guys, I'm Zach, one of the producers
of the React channel.
Thank you so much for watching.
Sorry, one second. My dad's texting.
That's nice of him. He never texts--
Yeah. He doesn't need to text me anymore.
That's fine.