Alexandra Billings, I have a question.
Yes. We're going into the final
season of 'Transparent.'
What has this journey been like for you,
and now that it's closing how do you feel?
Those are two questions, A—
Whoops!
And B, I'm so happy and
filled with such gratefulness about being
involved in this show with this group of goofballs.
Oh, my God.
It just never occurred to me that this would happen in my life.
I thought, 'I just don't want to be
in jail.' Like, that was my M.O.
for the day: Don't get thrown in jail.
As long as I can remember, I had to be
somebody for somebody else.
So to be on this kind of a show— it's extraordinary, to be on any kind
of a show—but this kind of a show that was so groundbreaking.
And it afforded me a platform
that never would have existed.
It literally changed the trajectory of my career.
And as far as it ending, it doesn't feel like an ending.
You look good for being dumped.
Thank God.
Ok, a rebirth.
A rebirth, if you will.
For people now who are watching you on 'Transparent,' you know,
how do you think that makes them feel, the
kids transitioning now?
But that is quite different than
when I first began my transition.
And different from when the people who came before me.
You know, we all have to look back and remember our humility, so that change does happen.
I think that's what ignites it is when we
look back and we go, 'Oh, that's how things used to be.' Things are better now,
but they could still stand movement. So how do we ignite that movement?
And you've seen so much change, but what
still needs to change?
I think we have to talk to those people
who we think don't like us.
You know it's funny, I don't think that
Donald Trump hates us.
I don't think that's true.
I don't think he knows us.
All we are really to him is an idea.
This really scary, spooky idea of
all these queer people walking around with signs.
And ignorance is born of misinformation.
I think he needs education more than chastising and more than name
calling, which really doesn't do much of
anything, because it never did anything
for me when people did it to me.
I think it's more about information.
So hopefully this generation will start to educate.
You had so many hurdles throughout your life. What were some of the bigger obstacles you've faced?
I was the biggest obstacle in my life.
I was the one telling myself, 'No.'
Saying that I couldn't.
Saying that was impossible.
It wasn't until I stopped doing
that and harming myself with
drugs and with alcohol and with
sex and with self-mutilation.
And it wasn't until all of that shame
and humiliation I was able to actually live with and stand on and admire,
because of where it brought me.
It wasn't until I started to do that
that I got out of my own way.
How old were you when you learned how to get out of your own way?
I would say late 20s, early 30s.
I'm 57 years old now.
It's about right in the middle of my journey.
I remember the last drug I had was heroin.
And I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror, and I remember
looking—God—I remember looking
at myself and half my hair had fallen out and I had
sort of a purple tinge to my skin.
My eyes were beet red
and my hands looked old, they just looked really old and used.
I was looking in the bathroom mirror,
and I said outloud,
When you say that to yourself, and to
what I believed to be the divine, when you
say that out loud, I think
you shift something.
You've lived through being diagnosed as HIV positive.
What was that like for you?
So there's this huge billboard on 51st Street
in the New York on the Broadway of our first show, of our little skit.
So I took 95 pictures of it
with me in front of it, and I posted it. And people said, Oh,
a dream fulfilled, or how your dreams are coming true.
And I thought to myself that was never— it never entered my mind
that that would be true. It's remarkable.
I hope I don't have to bury another friend.
I hope one of my friend's parents
actually comes to claim the body
that we left at the Cook County Hospital,
because no one would bury us in the 1980s.
These were the dreams, once those— once that plague began to be dismembered,
Honestly, wake up in the morning.
So, everything that's happening now is ridiculous.
It's insane.
I have no idea whose life I'm living.
None.
It's unrecognizable.
We've talked about how much you've done,
what you've been through, what you've
seen. Where are going next, what
do you want your legacy to be?
Oh, to Burger King.
Oh you mean in the large picture?
Can I come, too?
Yes.
Thank you.
Because they have the new vegetarian Whopper now.
I want to try it so bad.
It's very tasty.