Hey, guys.
I'm Tracy--
Nope.
I'm Corey.
That's right, and I'm Andy.
And it's only the episode 2, and there's already so much
that went down.
There's a lot to cover, and we're one Tracy down today.
But Ellen's hilarious critic agreed to come help us out--
Kalen Allen!
[CHEERING]
What's up, homies?
We're twins!
I love it.
I need to get an Ellen sweatshirt.
I love it.
This is for you.
Thank you.
Why don't we take a big sip--
Yes, I was a little parched.
--to cheer for getting through another two hour episode.
Yes indeed.
All right.
This was a great episode.
Amazing episode.
It was.
It was really good.
At the beginning of the season, it's a little rough sometimes.
It takes a while to ramp up to get there.
There's a lot of guys, there's a lot going on.
You can't remember who everyone is.
But I actually remember who everyone is this time,
because I feel like we're coming in with-- from drama,
so then that makes the stakes a little higher.
So let's talk about the first group date.
First group date.
So the first group date is Groom's Day,
which is kind of like a throwback to the last season
when Becca had her first date, which was her getting
the dresses and the heels.
And she was being really pampered.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she is very clearly wearing a wedding dress
in this episode, that says "You're going to be pampered."
Yes.
But they really brought their A-game--
They did.
--because they're not being pampered.
They're all actually doing an obstacle course.
No,
But they didn't know that.
And who'd we run into?
Bachelor royalty!
Bachelor royalty.
Yes we did.
Rachel.
Rachel, looking good.
Yeah.
They're still rocking the whole Rachel.
They're just milking that.
Well she's good.
I love Rachel.
Very natural together.
She's such a straight shooter.
So, we do the obstacle course, which was messy, it was dirty,
it was intense.
It was awesome.
But--
I was mad that they was in them tuxedos.
I'm not going to lie.
That's a waste of money.
Then the first person they say was cheating was?
Lincoln, because he did.
He was cheating, right?
He was cheating.
He was shaking it.
Did you see him shake it?
Oh, for sure.
He kept looking and looking, and then he got to the point
where he was like, it's fine.
Yeah.
"It's almost done."
Yeah.
So then Lincoln wins, and then at the very end of it,
they take this really pretty photo.
Becca looks gorgeous in the white dress.
But then at the after party, Becca gives Lincoln the photo.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
And then he takes it back and puts it in front of everybody.
Connor--
Oh, Connor.
--takes it and launches it out into the pool.
Then, Lincoln goes to Becca--
Oh, no.
And in full audio--
Oh, no.
--and says that he felt threatened, physically
threatened.
Now that was too far.
Did you hear his voice?
Yes.
I though, oh, my goodness.
The dramatics.
Give the Oscar.
Yeah.
It was like a kid telling to his mom.
The accent's fake.
Sure.
Oh, the accent.
Do you think the accent is fake?
That accent is fake.
He talks so funny.
It goes in and out, and everything is so poetic.
You don't even know this woman.
This is the thing about Lincoln--
all he cares about is the competition.
Don't you think that--
That is exactly what he's in for.
--he feels--
This ain't got nothing to do with Becca.
So she gives Jean Blanc the rose.
Uh-huh.
I did not see that coming at all.
So then she has her first one-on-one date
with Blake, who was a real standout
from the first episode.
Another great date.
[INAUDIBLE]
Please welcome Lil Jon.
There's no tease.
Please welcome Jon.
Jon.
Jon!
He was like, turned down for what?
Back on a sledgehammer.
Blake was great.
He was sweet.
He was so romantic.
He opened up about his past.
He opened up about how after two months
he was in love with someone.
Yes.
Oh and then all of a sudden he sees a text where she's
like, yeah, I've gotta bounce.
So what did we learn from this date?
He's going to read her texts.
That's what I was taking away.
I was like, wait a minute!
Yeah.
Why would you like this guy?
If you're in the other room, he's reading your phone.
Yep.
If I'm in the room and the phone is right there,
it starts blinking and stuff, I'm
going to be like, oh, who's that?
Blake gets a rose.
They have a really romantic kiss in that street.
And it was super passionate and, you know, he might be the one.
We don't know.
We'll see.
To me, that was the first time I had
seen a bachelor or bachelorette take the initiative.
She was so aggressive.
Yes.
I said, oh, she likes him.
So then we move on to the next group date,
and they show up this gym.
And then there's three pint-sized kids.
I was like, look at the Disney Channel.
Oh, yeah, right?
I know, right?
So ultimate dodge ball was next.
Right.
Yeah.
And who was the star of ultimate dodge ball?
Leo was Tarzan out there.
But he's a boss.
Don't forget, he's a stunt guy.
Yes.
He's a stunt guy.
But, I mean, I was impressed.
Yeah.
Yeah, he did good.
So this is the time where we have
a real moment about Garrett.
Right.
So Garrett on social media--
A while ago.
A while ago, he liked a couple posts,
he retweeted a couple of things maybe.
And things that are like, not great.
People can find that stuff, everyone.
Honey, everything is trackable.
It goes out there and it stays out there.
Yes, indeed.
It questions how great I thought he was.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But they had a really great conversation.
She was super excited about him.
He seems like he might be a front runner.
Then we get to [SIGHS].
It was [SIGHS] and now it's like, I don't know.
That's Colton.
Yes.
Oh, what a great nugget.
Another great nugget.
So what also came out online is that Colton dated Olympic gold
medalist Aly Raisman.
I know!
So when he said, I have something to tell you--
You thought it was going to be that?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
You thought he was going to say that he dated Aly Raisman?
Then he drops Tia, who I love.
I love Tia.
We all love Tia.
So then the group date happens, and then Wills
gets the rose out of--
to me, out of nowhere.
Another-- another, like--
It was random.
And then she's talking about his clothes and stuff,
about how he's so styled.
I was like, that all came from Zara.
We go to the cocktail party--
Oh, gees.
--and Jordan is there.
Who, by the way--
Jordan, by the way, if you didn't know,
Jordan's a male model.
Give me suave.
Suave?
Yeah, like, give me debonair.
Give me a look.
Now give me, like, give me, like, 007.
Give me, like, private jet, travel, luxury.
You have a future at Wilhelmina!
Yay!
When he was [INAUDIBLE] with David,
and they were talking about-- they were trying to get out
their words and they couldn't.
Oh I wrote those down, too.
But I had to look them up, because I
was like, they're so stupid.
And then I looked them up and-- professionality.
They're not real--
I did, too.
And it's a real word!
It's a real word?
Darn it!
As soon as he said it, I was like, is that a real word?
Well, here's the thing.
I'm not an idiot, because I don't, on a group date
on The Bachelorette, just take off all my clothes
and strut around in my undies.
But say that you're doing it so people can see your body,
even though you're in a house full of football players who
clearly have better bodies than you,
and you have no back muscles.
He said he wanted her to know that he's more than just hair.
So the rose ceremony happen.
There wasn't, like, a ton of drama when she actually
gave out the roses.
You kind of knew.
We kind of knew--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Yeah, but there was lot of people
that didn't get screen time.
So we say goodbye to Alex, super handsome Ricky--
See you, Ricky.
--and she booted Trent, who I forgot who he was.
Bye, Trent.
Yeah, bye, Trent.
But then the tease.
Oh, the deep tease.
You know I love a deep tease.
Someone got attacked by a bear.
I know!
Ah!
Oh, no.
He's out on a stretcher, got neck braces on.
[LAUGHING]
And you couldn't see-- you couldn't see who it was.
But don't you think he probably just
had a really bad bloody nose?
No.
Deviated septum?
Not for no neck brace.
And then Chris, who started drama in episode one,
gets a one on one.
More importantly, more than the blood, more than the stretcher,
more than Chris, all of the girls from Arie's season--
Oh, yes.
Yes.
--show up.
The harem.
And Tia's there, and in walks Colton.
And here goes Tia.
Hey!
I've got to tell you, last season, meh, not so much.
This season, I'm am on board.
This is good.
A big thanks to you all and Kalen
for joining us in the cube.
Tracy, come home soon, and make sure to tune in to our recap
next week.
And be sure to tune in to my new weekly series, OMKalen,
on Saturday, or "SaturKay," call it what you want.
Bye.
Here I go.
Bye.
[THUMP]
Oh.