-Welcome to "The Tonight Show"!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
Welcome, everybody.
Well, guys, Russia's invasion of Ukraine continued today.
In a controversial new interview,
former President Trump said Vladimir Putin is very savvy
and called his strategy genius.
[ Laughter ]
Keep in mind, Trump also used the word "savvy" and "genius"
to describe McDonald's dollar menu, so...
[ Laughter ]
Honestly, I'm not sure you want to be called a genius by the guy
who clogged the White House toilet
with classified documents. [ Laughter ]
"Just flush it." [ Laughter ]
Well, everyone's been talking about this.
Buckingham Palace announced that Queen Elizabeth has COVID
and is dealing with mild symptoms.
When asked how she was feeling, the Queen said,
"Well, we're not talking about Prince Andrew, so a lot better."
[ Laughter ]
So far, the Queen said the worst symptom
is Prince Charles coming in every four seconds
to see how she's doing. [ Laughter ]
"You doing okay, Mom? Okay.
I don't think you need that booster, mum.
I think you can really tough your way through this one."
[ Laughter ]
Some entertainment news. This year, the Oscars
are planning to pre-record some awards before the ceremony
and air them during the live broadcast.
[ Audience groans ]
Even more insulting, before the awards are presented,
the announcer will say, "And now the categories
nobody cares about." [ Laughter ]
If they really want to shorten the broadcast,
maybe just skip the part where someone explains
what an actor is. [ Laughter ]
"An actor acts."
Some business news -- I read that Peloton
had a secret initiative called Project Tinman
where they hid rust on bikes that were sent out to customers.
And somehow this has been the best news
about Peloton all year. [ Laughter ]
It's actually good news because it means
Big didn't die of a heart attack.
He died of tetanus. [ Laughter ]
Yeah, come on. He looked healthy.
Now I get it.
Hey, I heard that IHOP just launched its first
plant-based sandwich at one location in New York City.
Yeah, it's for all the people who sit down at breakfast like,
"Do I want the fudge pancakes or the mung-bean sandwich?
Uh..." [ Laughter ]
Can't be fun eating a vegan sandwich while the person
across from you sprays whipped cream on his breakfast.
You know what I'm saying? [ Laughter ]
Speaking of plant-based food, Kraft Heinz just announced
that it wants to make plant-based
Oscar Mayer hot dogs.
[ Audience groans ]
Oscar Mayer said they care about the environment,
then they kept driving across the country in a giant hot dog
that gets 3 miles a gallon.
[ Laughter ]
Well, this is going viral. A news reporter in Ohio
was out in the field reporting when he was surprised by someone
he knows pretty well. Take a look at this.
-It's because of --
This is my mom. Hold on.
-Uh-oh. [ Laughter ]
-Hi, baby! -[ Laughing ]
-I'm trying to work right now, and you over there
calling my phone. This is Deangelo.
You can say hi. -Hi, Deangelo!
-And don't be holding up traffic because you got cars behind you.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -That's not bad.
Then his mom threw it in reverse and was like,
"I got some breaking news! Mommy loves you!"
[ Laughter ]
Get this -- a new study found that dinosaurs
actually used to get respiratory infections.
I guess that explains the latest trailer
I just saw for the "Jurassic World" movie.
Watch this.
♪♪
-[ Cough ]
-Coming this summer...
-[ Coughing, groans ]
-...experience the epic conclusion.
-[ Coughing ] -[ Clears throat ]
-"Jurassic World: Dominion."
In -- [ Clears throat ] -- theaters -- [ Coughs ] --
June 10th. [ Coughing ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Now I -- Now I understand that.
And, finally, parking here in New York City can be hard,
but I think this guy found a new way to do it.
Look at this.
Look at this -- [ Laughter ]
Look at that photo. Oh, my gosh.
You know a third car drove by like,
"I bet I could squeeze in between..."
[ Laughter ]
It'll be even weirder in nine months
when the Toyota gives birth to a smart car.