When you were growing up you were sold an overlay by Society. A pretend reality that sits over the
top of actual reality. And the overlay that you were sold is the fantasy that there is such a
thing as a relationship with no contrast. So that you can understand what I mean when I say contrast
let's define it it's one of the integral elements of this time space reality contrast is the
existence and the perception of polarities such as positive and negative wanted and unwanted dark and
light pain and pleasure the lie that you were sold is that it is possible to find a relationship any
relationship that will not come with negatives unwanted elements and downsides in fact you are
led to believe that the right relationship for you is right because it's a relationship that
has no contrast in that it is only positive and that it only feels good instead of just hearing
me say that right now I want you to stop for a moment really think about it try to recognize this
overlay within your own expectations and within your own quest to find the right relationship
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As a result of being sold this lie, many people on Earth are in a disappointing Perpetual search
mission that grows more and more painful with each relationship that they have
and for many people the minute that they run into contrast in relationships they decide that
that's the indication that the relationship is not right for them, because if it was the
right one, there wouldn't be any contrast, right? Or that if they run into contrast, the other person
shouldn't be the way they are and therefore, needs to change. Overlays are very very dangerous because
they are essentially a game of pretend, they prevent you from living an empowered life and
they're one of the biggest problems when it comes to relationships. If you want to understand
more about this by the way, you can watch my video titled "overlay" what prevents you from
having a real relationship so what's the truth buckle your seatbelt there's no such thing as
a relationship without contrast every person and every relationship comes with contrast this means
every single person and every single relationship will have upsides and downsides positive is
negatives benefits and drawbacks wanted elements and unwanted elements essentially the same thing
is true of relationships that is true about life itself in case you want to learn more about that
you can watch my video titled the biggest lie the self-help spiritual industry sells you
while dismantling an overlay is painful this truth about relationships doesn't mean that you should
sink into doom and think that this means that you have to settle for what you don't want in
a relationship you shouldn't simply give up on relationships being good and give up on aiming
for improvement within your relationships there's a great many things you can do while
still operating within the acknowledgment of this truth to maximize your ability to find a feel-good
relationship and here are some of them one you can consciously choose your contrast we can take
a serious look at what negatives and downsides we can genuinely say yes to and what negatives
and downsides we can't say yes to the beauty of us all being different in many ways is that
some of us have deal breakers that others of us don't have some of us experience real pain with
certain things and other people really don't experience pain with those very same things
let me see if I can come up with an example yes okay for example let's imagine that you fall in
love with someone who is committed to living and working in a place that you don't like
one person could choose the contrast of being in a place that they don't like
their expansion would then be about finding wanted things and making positive changes that in essence
accommodate for that contrast that they chose to the other side another person could not doing so
would cause so much resentment and unhappiness that the relationship itself would unravel
when your free will is involved in the process of choosing the specific contrast that you can and
cannot say yes to you will not feel like a victim to the negatives and the downsides within your
relationships you will instead be approaching relationships from a very mature and empowered
place to learn more about this you can watch two of my videos the first titled why you should
consciously choose consequences and the second titled wanna succeed what pain will you say yes to
two with the contrast that you did choose become as aware as possible of what that contrast means
for you and become empowered around that for example let's say that a woman actually
does choose into a relationship with a man who plays a lot of video games this is not
somebody who wants to play video games with her this is somebody who quite frankly wants
to be unavailable for stretches of time so we just saw the contrast is him being unavailable
four blocks of time becoming empowered around that might look like filling up
that time with other interests or establishing a relationship with somebody else who is available
or maybe potentially her asking him to take action to create quality time for
them both so that there's more security and more of an emotional tolerance for autonomy
Etc the goal here is to get on top of and ahead of the contrast that you choose except in the
contrast doesn't mean passively succumbing to it and just letting it be the way it is
three you can focus on consciously seeking out compatibility in each of your relationships
compatibility is when two things are able to exist or occur together in a state of
Harmony and without conflict if two things are compatible their coexistence is beneficial and
it adds to the well-being of each of them whereas incompatibility is when two things cannot exist
or occur together without creating conflict or without being a detriment of one or both of them
when we focus on compatibility as the necessary foundation for our relationships we are forced to
naturally accommodate for the reality that every person in every relationship comes with contrast
if there's a high degree of compatibility in a relationship you're going to experience much
more pleasure and much less pain the specific contrast that you will choose will be ones
that you can sign up for and can deal with they won't be ones that will diminish your well-being
essentially you will perceive the positive to be what is dominant in the relationship if you
make your relationships about compatibility to understand more about this you can watch
my video titled incompatibility a harsh reality in relationships four you can focus on having
many relationships and resourcing many different people and you can establish creative arrangements
with those people you can operate from the perspective that there is a place for every
person in your life the question is what place this might just require adjusting the structure of
your relationships and the way that you think that specific relationships should and shouldn't look
because the current relationship Paradigm is restrictive when it comes to designing a life
for yourself that is actually going to work for you humans are a tribal species people were never
meant to get all their needs met by one primary partner when we stop limiting ourselves by needing
one person to do and be everything in our life we have more room within us for the negatives
and for the downsides of each person we also have more room to get creative with where people do
and don't fit into our life because there's more wiggle room when it comes to incompatibilities
we fixate on changing that person into becoming exactly what we want them to be and this leads
to lots of pressure and pain for both people this is very different than Healthy Growth we start to
slip into deprivation patterns as well as patterns where love means suffering knowing all of this I
want you to ask yourself the following questions if I accept it that there will always be contrast
in every relationship that there will always be both negative and positive wanted and unwanted
and inherent within each person and within each relationship what would I do differently
if there will be contrast in every relationship what contrast can I sign up for
have a good weekend if you liked this video be sure to hit the like button subscribe to
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Bell icon to be notified of the next time that I post a video I want to thank you personally
for The Bravery that you have to step into awareness I'll see you in the next video [Music]
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