• From Soup for Sluts to ¬¬¬¬¬¬Homo Sausage, we count fifteen unbelievable product
names that really exist!
15 – Noblice, • If someone asks you if you want any of
their Noblice, you should run straight towards the nearest exit – unless they’re referring
to this Serbian cream biscuit!
• While the name Noblice probably means something lovely in its native Serbian, it’s
hard to get past that in English it basically means pubic lice.
14 – Soup For Sluts, • Focus testing has revealed a gap in the
soup-buying market: To fix this, soup company Blue Q have released a brand of spicy vegetable
soup called Soup For Sluts.
• There’s also the spicy beef flavour (Wasted & Broke), chicken flavour (Hello Lazy)
and the Din Din Fuk Chow shrimp flavour. 13 – Spermies,
• Spermies are a novelty candy for the whole family!
Well, they’re probably not for children…
And I wouldn’t get them for Grandma, or your oral sex-hating ex-wife.
• But anyone else will have hours of fun!
They have ‘no added salt’, and their brilliant tagline says they’re the candy you’ll
love to swallow.
So open wide!
12 – Fart and Plopp Bar, • Fart Bar is a Polish chocolate bar that’s
name literally means ‘lucky bar’.
• No one is sure whether they induce farting or if they were made from distilled farts.
Either way, don’t eat these in confined spaces, like buses or elevators.
• If Fart Bars aren’t your thing, try this Number Two choice: Sweden’s Plopp Bar!
11 – Faggotini, • Urban Dictionary defines ‘faggotini’
as ‘a person who is “beyond gay”, or “very effeminate”’.
Webster’s Dictionary … has no definition.
• Jokes aside, Splendido’s Faggotini is a variation on ravioli.
So if you’re a pasta fan, boil some water, bust out the white sauce and get some delicious
faggotini into you!
10 – Fourskin Store, • Fourskin – that’s ‘four’ like
the number – is a clothing store in Singapore.
It’s unclear whether the clothes they sell have pictures of dicks on them, but they all
proudly sport the ‘Fourskin’ branding.
• Local fashion fans wear this brand proudly – probably because they have no idea what
its name means in English.
• Oh, and I’m sure there are a few circumcised hipsters who wear them ironically…
9 – Mr Piss, • Mr Piss is a popular Indonesian food franchise
that mostly sells – wait for it – bananas.
I mean, if you’re going to call your business ‘Mr Piss’ you could at least sell a less
phallic product.
• They tried to open a few stores in America, but it didn’t take off.
I guess junkies kept thinking it was where you go to buy clean urine samples.
8 – Dog Jism, • There’s no sugar coating this one: this
pet food brand has ‘dog jism’ written on it.
• I know they say dogs will eat anything, but this is still pretty disturbing.
7 – Cock Soup, • Winter is coming!
So why not warm up with a big delicious bowl of Jamaica Sun Cock Soup?
Go on.
Slurp it up.
You’ll love it.
• Okay, so I’m pretty sure this is just a funny name for chicken soup, but do you
really want to take that chance?
Better check for any curly hairs floating in there.
6 – Homo Sausage, • Ah, Japan: the land of weird game shows
and vending machines.
And now – inappropriate novelty snacks!
• Most Japanese Seven-Eleven convenience stores sell something called Homo Sausage.
So, the next time you’re in the land of the rising sun and feel like a salty snack,
nibble on some Homo Sausage.
• Or try some, err, homo milk.
You won’t forget it.
5 – Urinal Hot Drink, • For most people, a urinal is a receptacle
for peeing into, but in Romania it’s a delicious hot cranberry beverage!
• Does this mean it’s brewed up in a big toilet bowl?
Who knows?
But at least it isn’t lemon flavoured…
4 – Barfy Burgers, • Food businesses, if there’s one thing
that will really kill your customer’s appetite it’s drawing a comparison between your product
and vomit.
• That’s the mistake Barfy Burgers make.
Is it made from barf?
Will it make you barf?
Who knows.
Just don’t ask what’s in the secret sauce…
3 – Finger Marie, • ‘Finger Marie’ sounds like a crude
instruction, but it’s actually a brand of Rich Tea Biscuit by biscuit company McVities.
• Finger Maries sell extremely well in Sweden, the land of tall blonde perverts, but they
aren’t for sale at all in their native land.
If they did, supermarkets would probably become full of schoolboys pointing and giggling at
them.
• It would also piss off a lot of women named Marie, so probably the right call.
2 – Fresh Cemen Dip, • Throwing a party?
Don’t forget the Cemen Dip!
It’s a spicy garlic spread that would go really well with some Homo Sausage.
• Cemen Dip can be found in Turkish supermarkets – with the refrigerated dips, not with contraceptives
and pregnancy products.
Its name translates to tomato, but no one cares about that because in English it means
jizz!
1 – Jesus Body, • Using a religious icon to flog your product
is bad enough, but the truly head-scratching thing about ‘Jesus Body’ Herbal Cinnamon
Extract is the description on the box.
• It reads: “New discovery to be kept secret from others.
I can lay it down because I am correct.
We will not make you sorry.
Pleasure to have the real thing.
I really long for this.”
• I’m not exactly sure what I’ll get if I buy Jesus Body, but I’m a little turned
on.