- What comes to your mind when you hear the word failure?
What kind of emotional response do you get
to the concept of failure?
When I was younger, man, I loathed failing.
Whether it was losing at a sporting event
or whether it was getting a bad grade on a test
that I had poured my heart and my soul into.
That feeling of failure could be so gut wrenching.
And over the years I've learned a concept
that's helped me redefine my relationship with failure.
Because your relationship with failure
is the thing that stands
between you playing small, keeping reserved,
and not having what you want.
And you going big, shining your light,
and having the kind of life that you would absolutely love.
And that concept we're gonna look at today.
Check it out.
(upbeat music)
Hey there, my name's Mat Boggs
and I'm the founder of the Love & Relationship division
of the Brave Thinking Institute
where our mission is increasing love in the world
one heart at a time.
And so if you're not part of this community,
hit that subscribe button and click the bell
because every week, we bring you videos to empower you
in your love life.
(uplifting music) So I'm gonna share
with you the principle that can transform failure
into something empowering in your life.
And to set this up, let me give you an example.
When I was in my early 20s, I started a new career in sales
and I was selling these vacation packages down in Mexico.
And having come out of a teaching background,
I was horrible at sales.
I didn't know the first thing about sales.
And yet, I set a goal to sell a million dollars worth
of these vacation packages
because the people who are the best at that resort,
that's what they did.
And if you could sell a million dollars,
you would enter the Million Dollar Club.
And I thought, man, that'd be cool.
So I set that as my goal and I got to work.
And I studied and I practiced and I got better.
And I started making some sales here and there.
And then the pace picked up
and I started making more and more and more.
And with six weeks left to go before the end of the year,
I had sold $900,000 of this product.
Now I was selling about $100,000 a month
and I had six weeks to go.
So I felt super confident.
I felt ready to achieve this goal.
And then something happened.
I went to work, I didn't make a sale.
The next day, didn't make a sale.
The next day, didn't make a sale all week.
I went to work that week.
Didn't make a sale.
The next week, went to work expecting,
okay, well, for sure.
Now I'm gonna make a sale.
I just went all week and blanked that entire week.
The next day, didn't make a sale.
Tuesday, no sale.
Wednesday, no sale.
The second week, I didn't make a sale.
And I don't know if you've been
in that situation where you start to feel
like you're in a slump.
You start to feel like you're powerless.
I felt my stomach turn into knots and driving to work,
I was like, I don't know what's going on.
Like I'm somehow sabotaging this.
I don't know.
I just felt so powerless.
I felt scared.
And I felt this fear rise up in me that
I've worked all year for this goal
and it's slipping through my fingertips.
Well, I have four weeks left
to sell $100,000 worth of this product.
I'm gonna get busy.
The week after that, I don't make a sale.
The week after that, no sales.
I went 26 days with no sales.
And so I've got two weeks left
to try to sell $100,000 worth of this product.
And I'm feeling helpless and I'm feeling defeated.
And I'm feeling filled with fear
that I'm gonna have this failure
and then it's gonna be with me forever.
So it was in that dark place
that I really started searching.
You know, it's fascinating, when we are at our darkest,
when we are at our lowest,
that's when we will search and motivate
and try to climb and claw our way out.
And so I started searching for what was going on in me.
And I came across a couple of really powerful ideas
regarding failure that transformed my relationship
with failure and led me to an insight that changed my life.
The first idea was this.
Failure isn't a stop sign.
It's a qualifier.
Failure isn't a stop sign.
It's a qualifier.
In other words, any failure we have in our life,
it's not meant to say, well,
you need to quit or you need to stop.
It's meant to cause us to say, how can I grow?
How can I become more than this circumstance?
How can I raise my game?
How can I become better?
And so redefining failure as, this isn't a definition of me
but this is a calling for me to say,
how can I become better and improve myself?
Was a major transformation for me.
And so in that search for becoming better,
it led me to a discovery that's changed my life.
And the discovery was this.
Anytime we're feeling like we're failing at something,
we've either failed at it
or we're on our way to not achieving the goal.
The question becomes what internal resistance
do I have to achieving this goal?
What internal.
If you've been struggling,
with attracting the love of your life,
what internal resistance, maybe hidden barrier or block,
do you have to actually creating that result?
And so I hired a coach and a counselor
who could help reflect back to me
what my internal resistance was.
And it was profound.
You see, I had hooked up in my mind
that if I achieve the million dollar goal,
that I was gonna lose my closest friendships down in Mexico.
'Cause those guys weren't anywhere close
to selling a million dollars.
And so I had hooked up this belief
that they were gonna reject me.
They were gonna become jealous of me.
And that achieving that goal
of a million dollars would cost me these relationships.
And yet what I valued most was the relationships.
Way more than that goal of a million dollars in sales.
And so I was subconsciously sabotaging myself
because those two goals of having the relationship
and having the success were in conflict with one another.
So anytime you are in resistance to achieving a goal
that you want in your life,
ask what kind of internal resistance do I have to this goal?
When I got that resistance aligned.
When I broke through that resistance and said, no,
that goal is not gonna cost me these friendships.
Something amazing happened in my life.
The next two weeks, I went to work.
I didn't just sell $100,000 in that product.
I sold $200,000 worth of that product
right before the end date of that goal
and soared past the million dollar mark.
I was able to be in the Million Dollar Salesperson Club
and have the friendships that I wanted.
And then, throughout my life,
that's been such a valuable aspect.
Another example is when I was trying
to hire someone to replace the role
that I was doing at a company
so that I could go to the next level of leadership
I could not find the person that I wanted to hire.
And I began to ask myself,
what internal resistance do I have to this?
And the thought dawned on me.
Well, if I bring someone in this better than I was
so that I could go to the next level leadership,
then it's gonna make me look bad.
I'll be perceived as less than
because this other person came in
and did an even better job than I did.
And that was a part of me that was based in fear.
And I thought, well, that isn't serving me.
And so I was able to heal that part of me, release it.
And within two weeks literally found that next person
who's still running that department
for us today and is crushing it.
I'm so grateful for the amazing work that that person does.
And so if you would love support
in finding the internal resistance in you
and dissolving that and breaking free from that,
we've got an amazing program called Break Free
where you can learn
and identify what are the hidden blocks preventing you
from having what it is that you want.
We'll put a link in this video.
You can check it out.
And I think it's really gonna serve you
if you're struggling with that.
It's an amazing program.
And the important point to remember is this,
just like the Napoleon Hill quote said,
"Hidden within every adversity, every heartache,
every failure, is the seed of an equal or greater benefit."
When you redefine failure in those terms
and you fail at something,
know there is the seed of an equal
or greater benefit embedded within this circumstance.
This failure is not a stop sign.
This is a qualifier.
How can I find that seed of good?
How can I become more of myself.
Be called to the higher version of me and move forward.
When you redefine failure in that way,
it takes on a whole new relationship
and propels you to a life that you would love living.
And my question for you is this.
If you had no fear of failure,
if it were impossible to fail, what would you go after?
What dream would you love to achieve?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)