Don't go too deep. Ask me some shallow questions.
Ask me a child's question.
[Questioner] I have one. [Mooji] OK, very good.
[Q.] The little girl next door,
her dog was just killed by a car.
She is grieving. What would you say to her?
[Mooji] I would leave her alone to grieve.
I would not be in too much of a hurry to say something.
Sometimes we cause much more trouble
wanting to say something to alleviate grief.
And by doing that we're showing that
grief should be cut short, that it's not good.
But it is great to grieve.
Sometimes it's necessary, important to grieve.
It's also healing. Something gets ...
Whoever grieves knows in that moment,
it's a very private affair,
a deeply private affair.
Maybe for the first time you want to be absolutely alone
and enjoy this aloneness.
Sometimes I've had the privilege of going to funerals
where maybe a young person's been shot.
And many young people go to this funeral,
to look at the corpse of a young person their own age.
Thirteen years old, lying in that box, unmoving.
Maybe their first opportunity to look at death,
to look at a body, so still ...
And they themselves become still.
I call it the darshan of death itself.
And it is a very private moment.
Because many of these young people,
their minds are constantly into what's going to happen next,
'Weekend, we're going to rave, we're going to do'.
They are constantly in a state of some agitation, some excitement.
And this is a wonderful opportunity.
My own children ...
When my eldest son died, I said, Come let's go.
You have to go and visit this place
to see the body of your brother.
And they said, 'No, dad ...'
I said, No, no. I'm not going to force you to go.
But I'll encourage you to go and to take a look.
And so they came of their own volition.
They came and they looked.
And this outpouring came. Yes.
And I didn't try to stop them.
I said, No, it is important for you to grieve,
to have this moment.
Because we don't know when another opportunity will come.
This is a great opportunity!
To be alone, feel that grief,
and when you're emptied of grief,
then the grief is over.
So, I would not want to find something.
I know many people are itching to say something like,
'Nevermind, darling, you'll get another one'.
Bad news!
We say sometimes the most inappropriate thing, trying to help.
'Nevermind, darling, I'm going to get you a goldfish next week.'
It's the most inappropriate thing.
Better to stay out of it and let them grieve,
and empty themselves of grief.
Yes. This is what I would say.
Actually, it's a very good question you've asked.
Because over my life I've seen it.
Where someone rubs your shoulder,
takes you away, puts a Coca Cola in your hand
and says, 'Hey, come on, let's go for a walk',
to distract you from grief.
I would say, No, be very much in that moment of grief
and grieve!
If it takes you all day, all week, all month, allow it.
It's a friend. It's also an expression of grace, to grieve.
Grieve entirely, wholeheartedly!
Cry buckets of tears, if that is what's to come.
Be emptied of it.
And something is deeply alive in this grief.
Yes.
[Q.] Thank you. [Mooji] You are welcome.