♪♪
[serious music]
♪♪
[beeping]
♪♪
- Everybody on the ground.
[screams and gasps]
Nobody moves.
Bank man, come with me.
- Gonna kick the bad guy's trash, Superman?
- Oh, yeah, totally.
Totally.
It's just that today was kinda supposed to be a me day.
- Huh?
- Oh, look, a security guard.
[snorts awake]
- Everyone's safe now.
- Stop messing around!
It's go time!
- Let's not give up on the guy, maybe he'll pull through.
[taser jolt]
[groans of pain]
- Take off the disguise and man up!
- My therapist said that Clark time is very important.
I need to save me before I can save the world.
- [grunting] Clark time, schmark time.
Now you go on and git and save the day.
Go on now.
- Bank robberies happen every day.
If I stop this one, there'll just be a hundred more.
- Shameful shame.
What do you do when you see a stranded starfish
on the beach?
Curb stomp it?
- I'm sure he's just gonna take a few hundred bucks.
Robber: [laughs triumphantly]
[thud]
Robber: [exhales with satisfaction]
- I bet this is an Ocean's Eleven situation
where he's trying to teach a lesson
to the greedy corporate banks.
Robber: I'm gonna take this money
and start a greedier, more corporate bank.
[laughs]
- Can I rename you Mediocre Man?
- People who don't take breaks get sick.
And if I get a cold, my sneezes literally reverse the rotation
of the earth.
- Dadgummit!
[indistinct] your infirmities.
It would take you two seconds to take that hopscotch.
Now get to hoppin' and get to scotchin'.
- I just don't want to encourage
an If-You-Give-A-Mouse-A-Cookie situation.
- What?!
- Mm, cookies.
- If I stop this robbery, then Miss Hair-do over there,
might ask me to rescue her cat.
- Why isn't Mr. Whiskers answering his phone?
- See?
- [grunts]
Hi guys. Hi. Hey.
Sorry, didn't want to interrupt,
but um, I was just kind of wondering
why you haven't punched me through a wall yet.
- We were asking him the same thing.
- Yeah, the same thing.
- I'm not the only one, right?
- Because I haven't taken a day off in ten years!
I'm pushing 40
and I haven't even opened my own checking account.
- Pfft.
- Okay, but I mean, is it my fault?
- No, don't do that to yourself.
- It's my fault, isn't it?
- No, no.
- I think you're doing a great job.
- Yeah, you're doing great.
- I mean, look, this isn't even a gun.
It's a stapler, okay.
I can, I can unload it for you.
Am I not worth beating up?
- No, no.
- Am I not good enough for you?
- No, it's not you.
It's me.
- Oh, don't. No.
We've gone through too much for you...
- What?
- Excuse me everyone, but does anyone else feel
that Superman is being super selfish right now?
- Disgraceful grace.
- This man is holding you all hostage.
- They say all that is necessary for the triumph of evil,
is that good men do nothing.
- Um, amen.
[scattered clapping]
- Thank you.
- You know what?
Fine! I'll fight him.
I hope you're all happy.
- Oh, how convenient, right when the news cameras show up.
- What? No.
I didn't know about that.
I swear.
- Reprehensible-hensible.
- Uh, can you rescue my cat?
He never lets it go to voicemail.
All right you guys, TGIFriday's on me.
You've earned it.
[clapping and cheering]
- Yeah.
- Whoa, you think that video was fun,
You should subscribe and see all the other stuff
and play Pattycake with me.
Okay, ready?
Patty--
[sigh]
This isn't gonna work.
Well, at least we have a bunch of other videos,
so go watch those and share 'em with your friends.