[Inaudible].
Hi, I'm Dr. John Demartini.
I'd like to take a moment to share with you some insights that may have never
been conceived of,
or thought about relating to the movement called self improvement
and the difference between that. And self-development.
Now I'd like to make a distinction here. There is in self-improvement,
there's a moral language.
You're assuming that you're making it better or more positive or more good,
or some sort of a morally better place. And in self development,
you're just being objective.
And you're understanding that there's an expansion in your sphere of awareness
and influence,
not labelling it good or bad or better or worse just of development,
like to make the distinction because there's a literally a multibillion dollar
industry called self improvement.
There's also the same thing with self development,
but I'd like to make the distinctions and why I'm a promoter,
more of the self development than the self-improvement.
Let me give you an example.
I was doing a presentation probably a decade ago on how to be more effective and
efficient in business and how to be able to have priorities and get things done
by priority and delegate things, et cetera.
There was a gentleman there that attended the program and he literally was
diligent and focused and he took the information and put it right back into his,
his business, the following week.
And he was working in a company and his superiors, if you will,
in the company,
acknowledged him for the amazing transformation and acknowledged him and
actually gave him a promotion and an opportunity to take on more accountability.
And they said to him, 'Ever since you went to that seminar, without a doubt,
it catalyzed amazing increase in productivity and
whatever it was, it really made a difference.
You can see the difference from that day forward.' And so his boss,
his superior was acknowledging him that he really had made an improvement since
that seminar.
And so he was being praised at work for the change that occurred
because they gave him skills that are associated with the values of the leader
of that company. So in other words,
the values of the leader were perceived as being supported by his new behaviors.
But what was interesting is, the gentleman called me and he says,
'I'm very inspired by that. I got a promotion,
I made more income and everything else, but here's the,
but ever since I've done that, I've had a desire to be more at work.
And I've been less focused at home with my wife and my kids.
And my wife has been really bitching at me and she's really upset with me.
And she says that ever since I went to that seminar,
you've been basically sidetracked and you've been not focused at there and
you've lost your priorities.
And you've got away with what's really important.' And in her values,
which were the kids, he had dis-improved,
he'd actually deteriorated in her mind.
And so her values saw dis-improvement.
The boss's value saw improvement. So the net was that he was,
he was developing a support over here and praise over here and over here,
at home, he was getting reprimands. So which one is it?
Is it improvement or dis-improvement? I gave information.
I helped him develop a skill. One person labeled it good.
One person labeled it bad. The real truth is it's neither.
It's just a skill. That's a distinction between self development,
he's developing new skills and self-improvement,
which is an assumption of supporting some individual's value system.
Yale university showed,
and many others in history have shown that for every person with a set of values
in the world, there's somebody with an opposite set.
That's why we have pro this and anti this, pro guns and anti guns,
pro life and anti life kind of things. There's always a,
what they call a law of eristic escalation, a pair of opposites in nature.
And for every person that has a value, those set of values,
there will be somebody with an opposite set. You see this in your own family.
You probably have a brother and sister that's quite different than you with a
totally different set of values. What you think is important.
I think it's not important. So as a result of that, no matter what you do,
no matter what you develop,
you're going to have people label you as improved or dis-improved,
better or worse.
I don't pay much attention to those because you're always having a pair of
opposites. I want to be objective about the information and say,
I'm developing a skill. I'm training you on how to have a skill,
and you're going to develop those skills, but to put a moral language on it,
better or worse, good or bad improved or dis-improved, I think is futile.
So I'm not in the self development. I'm in the self development industry,
more so than the self-improvement industry,
but I will have people thinking what I've done in the development process is an
improvement or dis-improvement based on whether it supports or challenges their
individual values. You're going to be supported and challenged in your life,
no matter what you do,
you will see that all you have to do is look careful and you'll see all the way
from childhood all the way through your life,
you're going to be supported and challenged,
people are going to like and dislike. Agree and disagree, cooperate,
and compete. You're going to have both sides.
You have a brain set up with an autonomic nervous system, prepare for that.
You're designed for that,
but I don't use the term self-Improvement because they think that's implying
that you're now going to build pride and you're going to get better and this,
but that's only in some individuals value system and it may not even be in your
own value system.
So I'm a firm believer in developing objective data and basically increasing the
development of a human being more so than putting a moral language on it,
which I know is self-defeating because the second you do,
you're going to feel proud of one.
And then you're going to get hurt when somebody challenges you and you end up
creating almost a bipolar response. I'm proud when I,
and I want to hang around with these people.
And I feel shamed if I hang around these people, to me,
don't get attached to those and don't use the language that,
just say that I'm developing a skill.
It's assisting me in accomplishing these things.
I'm going to have different perspectives around it,
they're going to project their values onto me,
and I'll be labeled good or bad and supported or challenged accordingly.
So the distinction between self-improvement,
which is a moral language and self development,
which is an objective observation of the change in skills and behaviors,
I'd rather make that distinction.
So I'm not really in the self-improvement business because people come out of my
seminars with people liking it.
And some people disliking the outcomes because they may go out and achieve
something. And friends may,
all of a sudden be left behind because they're no longer having time for that
because they're achieving on new levels. And these people may label, 'ah,
ever since you went to that seminar,
you've gotten too good for yourself' and other people over here. It says, 'man,
you've really grown and expanded'.
I don't put the attachment again to the moralities of it.
I just go into develop the individual and help them achieve their inner most
dominant thought.
So there's a self development industry and a self improvement industry.
I'm part of the self development industry.
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