- Let's get outta here,
and I'll go back to my place
and you can go back to your place.
(smooth jazz music)
Wow.
You seem to be just as miserable
to be out in public as I am.
My friends call me Jeremy,
but you can call me tonight.
Actually, just text 'cause I probably won't pick up.
(telepathic energy buzzing)
You are so beautiful,
all the guys here are talking about you.
I know because I overheard them in the bathroom
while I was hiding in a stall for the last hour.
Are you stairs?
'Cause you take my breath away.
Are you a new Star Wars movie?
Because I'd leave the house to see you.
Probably.
Are you a venti coffee?
Because I'd sit with you silently for hours
in the corner of a Starbucks
while browsing Reddit on my laptop.
Oh, oh!
(sighs)
It's probably better that way.
Are you my phone?
Because I've been staring at you all night
instead of interacting with other people.
Are you fresh air?
Because I don't think we've met before.
Are you extreme loneliness and depression?
Because you seem familiar.
Stop right there, criminal scum!
Nobody breaks the law on my watch,
and you have stolen my heart. (dramatic music)
That's a reference to a very popular video game.
I don't know, are...
Are you a gamer?
You're not? Okay.
Then that probably made no sense
and instead of being charming was...
Aggressive and frightening.
So I'm just gonna...
Just gonna go. Okay, yeah.
I'm not very good at this,
so how 'bout you just pick me up instead?
Aw, crap!
(smooth jazz music)