Adam: I think we need music, you know, like they
have in the video game videos that you watch where something curious or funny happens,
and it goes like, (hums tune) (piano riff) All right, what are we playing today, chef?
Chef: Cooking simulator.
Adam: All right.
And then, ah, sandbox mode.
Chef: We can-
Adam: Pizza.
Pizza's fun?
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: Okay.
Oh, do I have to buy it?
Chef: I feel just like the people who show their
mother or something, games that they put that they play.
Adam: That's exactly what it is.
That's exactly what's happening right now.
Why is the game playing Christmas music?
It's June.
Chef: Yes.
Adam: All right.
Welcome to Papa Pepe's Pizzeria.
We've been hired here, I suppose to make the base you have to roll out the pizza dough.
That is, this is true.
Whoa.
There's like the mixer.
Chef: Yeah, it's the dough.
Adam: That's a big mixer.
Chef: Yeah, I know.
Adam: Such a pretty kitchen.
No real kitchens are this pretty.
Chef: Yeah.
And have an ocean beside them.
Adam: Wow.
Look at that.
Chef: But sadly, you can't go out there.
Adam: I know.
Chef: But there is a glitch to get out there.
Adam: There's a glitch?
Chef: Yes.
Adam: All right.
Chef: Napoleon dough.
Adam: Neapolitan dough, there you go.
All right.
Where does he want it?
Chef: On the bake board.
Is that-
Adam: What's the bake board?
Chef: I'm pretty sure that the bake board is right
here.
Adam: That's the counter.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: Why would he not just say counter?
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: All right.
Well, I'll just put it down.
Should I put it down?
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: Okay.
Oh, creation view.
Oh, it's like overhead.
Oh, that's like when I do my shots where I'm like overhead.
Chef: Okay.
Adam: God's eye view, they call those in the filmmaking
business.
Chef: Roll the dough into a pizza base by pressing
left click.
Adam: I'm rolling it.
Chef: And that's a-
Adam: How is there like a cornice on it?
You don't get those when you roll it with a rolling pin.
That's the whole reason that you roll it in the air.
Chef: Yeah.
Daddy, by the way, this is games, so games don't really make sense sometimes.
Like Mario, it's not real.
Adam: I'm with you.
Okay.
So we have to find the sauce.
Chef: The highlighted area.
Adam: Could I over-pour at this phase?
That would be a tragedy.
Oh, okay.
All right.
I don't want much more than that.
Can I do the thing at the back of the ladle?
It's just spinning.
(piano riff plays) Oh, hold to spread.
Okay.
Got it.
Come on.
Okay.
All right.
That looks like an appropriate amount.
Chef: Yeah.
Let's click on highlighted G.N.
Container.
Adam: Okay.
Why?
What is that?
Chef: I don't know.
Adam: It looks like potato slices.
Chef: Mozzarella, cut.
Adam: Oh, mozzarella.
Got it.
Cut mozzarella.
Sure.
Chef: Okay.
Adam: Oh, it looks like jellyfish.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: It's going to be a jellyfish pizza.
Chef: Jellyfish pizza.
Adam: Oh, look at the pretty basil.
Chef: It's amazing.
Adam: Look at that.
Okay.
So yeah, you don't want everything facing the same direction.
That's a little matchy-matchy.
Chef: Left click to pick up a log?
Oh.
Adam: Oh.
I guess you need fire to make food.
Yeah.
All right.
I'm picking up a log.
Chef: Just go a little closer.
Adam: Can I just throw it?
Chef: I think we have to get a little closer.
Adam: Oh, does it go in the door?
Oh, the door.
Chef: The door!
Adam: The door is where you put the fuel for the
oven.
That's something that we should probably have known.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: All right.
Oh.
Oh, that's embarrassing.
Chef: When we do this again, we're definitely going
to not show that.
Adam: Oh, we're going to cut that out, yeah, good
call.
Chef: And then act like we actually know what's
going on.
Adam: That's totally what we're going to do.
(piano riff) get the pizza peel.
Sure, yeah.
Chef: And then we-
Adam: Oh, it's on the wall.
All right.
Do I have to walk all the way over there?
Aw.
Chef: Daddy, is this not how we do it in this kitchen,
Daddy?
Adam: Yes.
We have to handle ourselves very precisely in this kitchen.
But that's for real life, that's for work, this is supposed to be for fun, so shouldn't
it be easier if it's for fun?
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: (piano riff) You know how they talk about
movies are like reality, but with the boring parts edited out, this game is like reality,
but with new, boring parts edited in.
But you play games like this all the time where you're pretending to work at an office
or something like that.
Chef: Yeah.
I just think it's fun.
Adam: Well, I guess I play house and stuff when
I'm a kid, right?
Yeah.
Right?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
You pretend to do what the adults do when you're a child.
Okay.
Duh.
Take that and that, that, and that!
Chef: Take that, fire extinguisher!
Adam: I know.
Okay.
Right.
Let's just get this pizza in the oven for God's sake.
So do I just slap it?
Chef: No.
Adam: And then it would be on?
Chef: I'm pretty sure you just click it and then
it'll go on.
Adam: Okay.
All right.
Okay.
If this was real life, this pizza would be so hopelessly stuck to the counter at this
point.
Chef: Yes.
Okay.
Now we just put in the-
Adam: Now, I throw it, right?
Chef: No.
Adam: It's a salvageable situation.
I mean, the school bus is on the precipice, and the pencil is rolling to one end of the
school bus, and it's going to tilt the whole school bus over, and all the children will
die.
Chef: Wait, it's kind of in there.
So I think if you just put-
Adam: Wait.
What if I just click on it?
Okay.
Oh, God.
What happened to the pizza?
Chef: What happened to the pizza?
Adam: Where is it?
Chef: There it is.
Adam: Oh, it's on there.
Okay.
All right, all right.
Okay, okay, okay.
Hold on.
Back up.
Chef: Beep, beep, beep, beep.
Adam: Beep, beep.
All right.
Going in for it.
Chef: Okay.
Adam: Okay.
I just click on it.
Chef: Click on it.
Adam: And bang.
Look at that.
Chef: Look at that.
Adam: Okay?
Chef: It's kind of-
Adam: All right.
And then I just don't want to get in the oven.
Oh, oh.
Chef: Oh, oh.
Adam: What?
Chef: Do we click it?
Adam: There's a green alien pizza.
Got it, all right.
Bang.
Neapolitan style pizza base.
Base of what?
That's all a Neapolitan style pizza is.
What else would it have?
Chef: Oh, yeah.
Adam: Little guy had to go take a break.
That's fine.
I'm hungry.
I'm going to have some breakfast with Magic Spoon, sponsor of this video.
You can save $5 on your magic spoon variety box right now at magicspoon.com/ragusea.
Use my code Ragusea, or use that QR code you see right there.
You know, he's always asking me, "is this food good?
Is that food good?"
And I always tell him that it doesn't work like that, that a food is either good or bad,
depending on what you need.
And for me, I could probably use a little fewer carbohydrates relative to the protein
that I eat.
Hence, delicious Magic Spoon cereal, which is entirely grain free.
All these little O'S are made chiefly out of milk protein, it's basically protein powder
turned into a cereal.
Still tastes like a child's cereal.
So this is oatmeal cookie.
Oatmeal cookie.
Things that taste amazingly like cereal, as you remember it from when you were that age,
right?
But because we don't have the body of someone that age anymore, or at least I don't, I need
proportionally more protein, fewer carbs in my diet, and there you go, Magic Spoon.
Zero total sugars, four net carbs, 14 grams protein, really smart use of low calorie sweeteners
like Allulose, Monk fruit extract.
You know, his mother has trouble digesting alternative sweeteners, but she can digest
Magic Spoon just fine.
Click that link in the description, or hit that QR code,
To start building your very own variety box.
Get $5 off that box.
You got your cocoa, your fruity, frosted peanut butter, cookies and cream, maple waffle flavors,
all kinds of other things to choose from, like this awesome oatmeal cookie one.
Love it.
If you're not happy, they have a hundred percent money back guarantee they ship here in the
US, and to the UK and Canada now too.
There's my QR code.
Or just go to magic spoon.com/ragusea.
Use my code Ragusea.
Save $5 off of your custom variety box.
Thank you, Magic Spoon.
So while we're waiting, Chef, why do the kids like watching other people play video games?
Chef: Because I want to see the people's feelings,
and see if they like it or not.
Adam: Well, because I guess because you've played
it, right?
Chef: Yes.
Adam: And so you want to know what I would think
of this thing that you have experienced?
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: Yeah.
Okay.
Well, cooking simulator, it is then, pizza.
Chef: That's so slow.
Adam: That's actually relatively realistic, like
a Neapolitan style pizza, like this in our wood-fired oven should.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: It should be like a thousand Fahrenheit.
Chef: I just think that the game should speed it
up, because it's a game.
Adam: Yeah.
Yeah, but so far, this is both harder and more boring than real life.
All right.
Chef: Look at that.
Adam: Okay.
Angry Italians, please note that that is not my idea of a Neapolitan style of pizza.
That is their idea of a Neapolitan style pizza.
Chef: That just looks like a cheese pizza with basil.
Adam: Exactly.
The cheese should be far more splotchy.
And then the basil, well would you put the basil on before or after it goes in the oven?
Angry Italians, let us know.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: I don't know why I had to invite you, you
will.
Whoa.
Chef: Whoa.
Adam: Oh God, I put it back in the oven.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Chef: Put it back.
Get it back, get it back.
Adam: Get it back, get it back, get it back.
Chef: Get it back.
Adam: Place it on a plate and serve it through the
serving window.
Okay.
Chef: There it is.
Adam: Okay.
That seemed kind of, why is it so rigid?
A pizza should not move that way.
It should not be so rigid.
(piano riff) Get rid of this, right?
Okay.
That seems like a good place to put that.
And then we take this.
Nope, that didn't, okay.
Chef: Pick it up.
Do we have to have the pizza peel to pick it up?
Adam: Oh, I think you're right.
Yeah.
Chef: And why is it even called a pizza peel?
Adam: Because I'm going to peel your face off if
you ask again.
Chef: Hey.
There, there.
Adam: There it is.
Chef: There.
Okay.
That just-
Adam: Okay.
And you're going to put it onto this plate right here?
Chef: If we can, put it on there.
Adam: Look at that.
(piano riff)
Chef: Bang.
Bang.
Adam: Look at that.
Chef: Look at that!
Adam: Okay.
All right.
Now get rid of the peel.
Chef: Bye.
Adam: All right.
Bye.
Speaker 3: Bye, guys.
Adam: Oh, oh, I click on the pizza, not the plate.
That's the key.
All right.
Chef: Okay.
Okay.
Adam: And then I-
Chef: There.
Adam: Bang.
Chef: Bang.
Adam: Okay.
Chef: That took 20 minutes?
Okay, turn around.
Adam: Okay.
Chef: This way or that way.
And then this is where all the ingredients are.
Adam: Down a weird cave?
Chef: Look, like turn around.
Adam: Oh.
Chef: Turn around.
Look at-
Adam: Wow.
Oh, this is one of those legit Italian larders, where they're built into the hillside to keep
them cool or whatever.
Chef: You'll see.
Adam: Hard-boiled eggs, who doesn't love hard-boiled
eggs on their pizza?
Chef: Yeast?
Adam: Oh, I guess that could be cheese.
Chef: Yeah, that could be-
Adam: Yeah.
Nevermind.
Chef: Yeah, that could be cheese.
I'm pretty sure you have to somehow tap, tap, tap.
Adam: Okay.
I am thirsty.
Think I'll order a Tab.
Chef: Boom.
Adam: Neapolitan style dough.
Chef: Yeah.
Flour.
Adam: Oh gosh, there's proportions, and I have to
know.
Chef: Well, it doesn't matter how much or how less
you put in it, you just don't get as much money if you put the wrong amount.
Adam: Oh, so if I put in too much salt, the customers
get upset and they don't pay me as much?
Chef: Well, if it's a little too much salt, you'll
still get the amount of money.
Adam: Got it, okay, all right.
Well, that's very realistic.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: Launch the highlighted Questadilla app?
No.
Questvilla.
Chef: Questvilla.
Adam: Questvilla app.
Chef: We have Questvillia.
Adam: Hmm.
Chef: That sounds like something from "Game of Thrones"
or something.
Adam: No, this is the gambling portion of the game.
Chef: What?
Adam: Yeah.
Where they give you rewards and stuff.
Chef: Oh.
Adam: Designed to stimulate the areas of your brain
that gambling stimulates.
Chef: Okay, I get it.
Just like when you get your daily award in like a ROBLOX game or something.
Adam: Boom, see, you're too smart, no, you're totally,
you're both smart and totally able to be taken in by such things because you like stuff.
Chef: I like stuff.
Stuff is amazing, because stuff is everything.
Adam: All right.
Chef: Tap to put down the smartphone.
Adam: All right, great, yeah, where's my tab?
He's watching "Simpson's," he gets it.
Chef: 3.5 kilograms of flour, follow the green line.
Adam: Okay.
Oh, follow the green line to the flour.
If only there was a green line to tell me what to do in my own kitchen.
All right, that's the mixer.
Chef: Yeah, that's the mixer.
This is not the flour.
Adam: There's no flour in the mixer.
Chef: There's no flour in the mixer.
Adam: Okay.
Chef: Are you saying we have to, oh, buy a bag of
flour.
Adam: I have to buy it off of my own shelf?
What kind of place is this?
Chef: Yeah, well, I guess the truck is, you need
to pay the truck.
Adam: Try not to go bankrupt, good advice.
Chef: Yeah.
Good.
Adam: Yeah.
Good advice for new food and beverage establishment operators.
Chef: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't go bankrupt.
Adam: Yeah.
Solid.
Okay.
Chef: Okay.
Don't-
Adam: So what do I do?
Chef: Click?
Left click?
Adam: I feel like something bad is going to happen.
Chef: Left click to tilt the bag.
Adam: Whoa.
No.
Chef: Oh my gosh.
Adam: Okay.
Chef: I feel like we're going to lose it.
Adam: Tilt the bag.
Oh, I see.
Chef: Oh, okay.
Adam: Oh, wait, no, no, no, how much am I supposed
to put in?
Chef: 3.5 kilograms of-
Adam: I don't know.
Metric.
Ah.
Okay.
Wait, wait.
Chef: Daddy-
Adam: No.
Stop.
Why?
How do I it?
Stop.
Make it stop.
Chef: Ah.
Adam: Ah.
Chef: Right click.
Adam: It's going on the floor.
Chef: Right click to go back.
Adam: I know, okay.
We need another kilo.
Chef: Okay.
I thought it was kilogram.
Adam: I know, but the cool kids say kilo for short.
Chef: Okay.
Adam: All right.
Water, water.
Chef: Daddy.
Adam: No, we need a vessel of some kind.
Chef: Yes.
Adam: Everybody knows you need a plate of water,
right?
Chef: Do we need, yeah.
Adam: No.
Chef: A jug.
Adam: A jug.
Chef: Jug.
Adam: Take my jug, accept my jug.
Chef: Do we just hit?
Adam: I mean, it is like, running a restaurant is
already extremely difficult.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: This is trying to run a restaurant, but also,
you're an octopus.
(piano riff)
Chef: Yes.
Adam: Apparently that's a real game, called "Octodad."
Kill me.
Chef: Right click.
Adam: It's just-
Chef: Where is?
Adam: I just need to take a moment.
Oh boy.
We've really done a lot of damage here today.
Chef: Yes.
Adam: And at this point, I've kind of determined
that I'd really rather just either cook and therefore have real food available to eat,
or you know, not.
Chef: We could do the sandbox mode.
Adam: Oh, what's that?
Chef: So we switch seats?
Adam: Yeah.
Chef: Okay.
Yes.
Take trout, 200 grams?
Okay.
A trout, there we go.
That's how we do it.
And just slap it on the table.
Seasoned with black pepper, thigh, dried, thime dried, what?
Adam: Oh, thyme.
Chef: Thyme?
Adam: (piano riff) Why do we pronounce it "time,"
but spell it with a TH as though it were "thyme."
Well, apparently the ancient Greeks had words, or had characters, to describe the TH sound
that we have in modern English.
The "th," and they also had characters to describe the "t", or maybe it's a little bit
closer to a "duh" sound.
Apparently, when the Romans transliterated ancient Greek, they used the same character
as TH for both the "th" sound, theta, and the "t" sound, or the "duh" sound that also
existed in ancient Greek.
And so you have lots of words that are spelled with a TH when in fact they actually supposed
to have a "t" sound.
And the ancient Greek root of thyme might have been one of those words.
That's the best explanation that I can come up with.
Plus also, when thyme first entered English from middle French, it was spelled "t-y-m-e,"
in the earliest known instances of this word in English, it's "t-y-m-e."
So that would indicate that French people at the time also pronounced it thyme and not
"thyme," even though they spelled it "thyme" and they still spell it "thyme" to this day.
Even though in France they still call it thyme or "teme" or whatever they pronounce it.
That would indicate that, yeah, I think I'm probably on the right track.
Anyway.
Chef: We need dill.
Adam: Don't call me that.
Chef: No, no, I'm not.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Adam: It's one of those, yeah.
Chef: I didn't know what you were talking about.
We're going to dill, dry there.
That's one.
Adam: Yeah.
Chef, we don't like having our ingredients on the floor.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: Okay?
Chef: Yeah, I know.
Adam: Can we be professional here?
Chef: Yes.
Five grams.
There.
Right click.
I'm powering it up.
Do you see the green thing?
Adam: I see it.
Chef: I'm powering it up.
Adam: You can do it.
Yeah, that's where that goes.
Chef: Yeah, definitely.
Five grams.
Adam: That seems good.
Okay.
Chef: Yeah.
And then back.
Adam: But it's all like on one spot of the fish.
Chef: Yeah, I know.
Adam: That's not good.
Chef: The customers don't care about that.
Adam: No, sure.
Yeah, they don't care about even seasoning.
They like heterogeneity.
Chef: Yeah, this is a game.
Adam: (piano riff) And, it'd be kind of funny because
we could cook it exactly the way that they say to, which probably won't be very good.
Chef: Well, maybe we should actually do that, so
people could see our reactions.
Adam: Yeah, exactly.
That's right.
Should I get-
Chef: I'm trying.
Adam: Yeah, delicious, all right.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: Keep going.
Chef: Okay.
Place on baking tray.
Baking trays, baking trays!
Adam: Oh, okay.
Chef: Put this on there.
Now what do you want me to do?
Bake for 90 seconds.
So which one is bake?
I think it's this one.
This the baker?
Adam: Yeah, that sure looks like the baker.
Chef: Oh, oh.
There we go.
Adam: There you go.
Chef: Then just-
Adam: All right.
Chef: Bake for 90.
Adam: What is it?
Chef: Bake-
Adam: Oh, it's on?
Okay.
Chef: Okay.
Adam: Now what happens?
How do we know it's been 90 seconds?
Chef: This is how you cook in real life.
Adam: Yeah.
Chef: You have to get thermal vision for three easy
payments of 1,305,695.
Adam: I think it's called a thermometer, buddy.
(piano riff) Exactly 90 seconds of cooking there, buddy.
Chef: Yep.
Adam: Sprinkle on the powdered horseradish.
Why would you put the horseradish on after you baked it?
That doesn't make any sense.
Chef: Yeah.
You want to the seasoning to seep into the-
Adam: Oh, so true.
That's good.
Oh, yeah, perfect.
This is not done after 90 seconds, so I don't want you to taste it.
I'll taste it.
Chef: Don't eat skin though.
Adam: Why, the skin's the best part?
Chef: I thought you couldn't eat fish with skin.
Adam: Yeah, kind of.
Mm-mm, Oh, it's so good.
Mmm.
I didn't actually eat that.
Well, this has been a lot of fun, buddy.
Thanks for doing this with me.
Chef: You're welcome.
Adam: "Cooking simulator," good game.
Chef: Yeah.
Adam: Bad recipe.
Chef: Yeah.
What do you think the people watching this are going to think?
Adam: They're going to think this is hilarious,
and that you're awesome, because you are.