You got a silly ass couch.
Well, you've got to be careful with it.
I still owe $19.95 a month on that,
or they gon' come get it if I don't pay.
Who, Rent-a-Center? Yeah, what you think?
Man, we was just sitting here
talking about high school and everything. Man.
You was the perfect person to talk about.
Fuck high school, dude.
I hate that shit. [ Laughs ]
I'm just saying. It seems like you did so good in school.
It was just so easy for you. That shit was just easy.
I used to just play snake all day in the fucking class,
so I don't really know.
So you think you just smart?
You just a Smarty Arty?
Yeah, that's just pretty much what it is.
I'm just a smart ass nigga.
That's why my name is ScHoolboy, it just, like,
shit is just too easy for me.
You was an athlete, right?
You played football, baseball?
Played receiver.
I played kick return, punt return, cornerback.
Was you any good? Yeah, I was the nigga.
So you went to all the, like, homecomings,
and, like, prom and all that?
Yeah, man, I went.
I went just to get some pussy, you know.
I was just trying to get laid.
What made you choose rapping over football?
I mean, shit, I had no choice. All right.
So I played my last 2 years of junior college football.
Then I fucking went to jail right afterwards.
For what?
So I couldn't, like, make... I mean, robbing shit.
[ Laughs ] You know what I mean? Like...
That's what happen when you play cornerback.
Always want to steal and shit, you know what I'm saying?
[ Both laugh ]
Yeah, bro. I mean, it finally caught up to me,
the street life shit. But you was already rapping by then?
Nah. So when'd you start rapping?
Like, 21, when I was 21.
But that was already... Football was over with?
Yeah, it was over.
And you got lucky, man. Nah. I...
Like, that don't really happen for a lot of people
because a lot of people always get this one dream.
They be like, "I'm gonna be a football player.
I'm gonna be a basketball player,"
then, when that don't work they just end up
working at UPS or something.
So that's a real lucky case, you get what I'm saying?
For real? Nigga stop, UPS.
[ Laughs ] What you gonna do?
That be the first place a nigga go
soon as the football career over.
I don't know. I got lucky with TDE, man.
Look what we doing now.
We kicking it in Danny's house.
Exactly. Yep. [ Laughs ]
Was you, like, super big into clothes in high school, too?
Yeah, I was kind of into that shit,
but I had all, like, the Akademiks shit.
Akademiks! I had all that shit, nigga.
I think my daughter was already 10 when that came out.
I was more of a Polo, Tommy Hilfiger.
Yeah, that was going up, too, but I...
I'm not 65 years old. [ Laughs ]
That was elementary for me. I'm just saying...
That was high school for your old ass.
I started high school in 1995.
Nigga, you started way before Ruby Bridges
crossed that damn main line.
[ Both laugh ]
All right. All right. All right.
So would you say you was a bully in high school?
Nah, I was... I was the bully stopper.
You wasn't gangbanging in high school?
Gangbangers ain't bullies, bro.
I mean, I would think so.
Every time I was in there, the lady talking about,
"Where you from, cuz?"
I mean, yeah. I'm from Detroit!
I ain't got nothing to do with none of this!
"I'm from the D!" I'm from the D!
I don't got nothing to do with none of this.
But anyway... Yeah, I never had to encounter no bullies.
[ Laughs ]
You went through high school, you know, gangbanging,
you know, sports and all that.
Do you ever think now you'll be a golf-playing dad, though?
Hell, naw, I used to look at that shit
like some white boy weirdo shit.
Next thing I knew, this bet turned to me playing golf
every fucking day, into having three country club memberships.
That's crazy.
So what you think is harder, like, high school rules
or, like, country club rules?
Country club rules. What?
Because white people have the nerve
to actually tell you something.
Like... What?
I thought we got past that.
Like, you white motherfuckers, if we leave out here
you wouldn't even say two words to me, your scary ass.
But you on they territory, now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, boy.
You on they set. You got to abide by the rules.
I mean, it's...
The country club rules is weird, bro.
And then, it's some corny shit
because motherfuckers really be snitching.
I got a bad habit of hitting the ball
out of the sand bunker and not raking.
Oh. Yeah. It be a motherfucker that ride right by you.
You see him look at you funny,
and you know you doing something wrong, like...
Look at the type of shit you going through.
Now, I'm just saying, man. [ Laughs ]
You went from gangbanging to worrying
about raking the sand right on golf clubs, man.
Come on now.
So you know what, I want you to give me some help, man,
and I want you to give some advice
to a young Nikki Glaser about high school.
What if I just twist up while we doing that?
I mean, you can. [ Laughs ]
Come on, Little Nikki, come down here.
Little Nikki.
What's up, Little Nikki?
But the young ScHoolboy Q ain't show up,
so I want you to give advice to a teenage Nikki Glaser.
[ Laughs ]
Just give her, like, you know,
some words of encouragement, man.
Man, high school.
It's tough, but you can make it easy.
Follow my lead. Right here. [ Laughs ]
You know what I'm saying?
You can be the square in school,
or you can be the cool kid in school.
It's called a Fronto leaf. Okay.
All the other kids gonna be smoking Swishers and Backwoods,
you going to pull out the Fronto leaf.
It's gonna be way more cooler.
You break it down.
Is studying important in high school?
Fuck no. Oh.
The answers is in the book,
so basically, just look in the book.
I think that's called studying, when you look in the book.
What should I do if someone is bullying me in high school?
You cuff that part.
I mean, just go get you a little gangbanger boyfriend,
and he gonna fuck that bully right up.
Don't tell her nothing like that, man.
We trying to get words of encouragement right now.
I was told I should tell the principal
if someone is bullying me.
Fuck the principal. He's a bitch.
The principal used to get bullied,
so why are you gonna tell the dude
that used to get his ass kicked
that you getting your ass kicked?
Fuck the principal.
Go get that boyfriend I told you about.
He gonna kick the principal ass too, shit.
He ain't gonna fuck with that nigga.
What do you think, Danny?
Yeah, Danny, what would your advice be for Nikki?
Just take track.
Then you learn how to run fast, hurdles.
You can jump fences, you know what I'm saying?
The best thing to do with a bully,
just run as fast as you can.
Your advice is the pussy route.
You know, no one likes physical altercation.
Your old ass is too old to keep running from motherfuckers.
You got to sit there and square up, dude.
Don't be telling her that shit.
Fuck what Danny is talking about.
Man, look, boom. Boom.
And there you go.
You the coolest motherfucker in high school,
and the rest of the years, 9th through 12th
or however long you get held back,
it's gonna be a breeze, I'm telling you.
You know what I'm saying?
My nigga, Nikki, yeah.
You'll get real far in life, Little Nikki.
[ Laughs ] Little Nikki! You gonna go up, watch.
I think we confused her enough.
You can go, Little Nikki.
Bye, Little Nikki.
You gonna be fucking cool as shit, bro.
I'm telling you.
So you're just trying to create anarchy, man.
The children are our future, man.
What are you trying to do? [ Laughs ]
All right, man.
Thanks for coming through, hanging out with me.
Shit, I hope my nigga get a second season.
[ Laughs ]
There's no fucking way, dog.
There's no way.