The following trailer is rated 'S' for 'Spoilers'.
In a cinematic universe known for it's huge casts,
CGI,
and mixed up timelines,
an X-Men movie will rise above it's peers,
by saying:
F*ck that! We're doing our own thing!
LOGAN
Wow! They didn't put X-Men or Wolverine in the title.
You're getting some big cojones these days Fox,
and I like it!
Enter a sun blasted dystopia,
where the last surviving X-Men have been screwed out of their comic book royalties,
"You gotta be f*cking kidding me!"
and ride along with Wolverine,
once he was a hero,
now he's one of those Uber drivers you cancel,
because it looks like he's going to murder you.
Hugh Jackman returns in his ninth go at the character,
and the man who took on Sabertooth, Magneto and Silver Samurai
is fighting all new villains like:
Bloody coughing fits,
Fading eye sight,
"You can't read the label on that bottle."
Alcoholism,
Claw pus,
Suicidal depression,
"I was thinking of shooting myself."
Mel Gibson facial hair,
and the constant urge to nap.
And if you think that's depressing,
Professor X is even older and sadder than he is.
"The new quesalupa from Taco Bell."
I guess it's rated R for... realization,
that we all get old and die.
[ Honest Trailer singing the X-Men Theme Song with a sad voice ]
Everything will change, when Logan meets his cloned daughter Laura,
A miniature version of Wolverine,
an español,
[Laura/X-23 speaking in Spanish ]
"Okay, shut up! Shut up!"
Together, Logan and Charles will drive her to the lost boys clubhouse in North Dakota,
and.... That's it?!
Wait, I thought all X-Men movies had to cram in in the Phoenix saga
or time travel to recast someone.
I mean, whose side is Mystique even on in this movie?
They don't even bust through a fence after someone says: "hold on!".
"Hold on!"
That never happens!
The mutants of the United States had been wiped out by corn or something.
"Clones of a super corns."
Now, thrill as the last remaining Mexican ones are hunted across America,
by a man, named Donald. *ahem*
A cyborg doing his best impression of Val Kilmer in Tombstone.
"The Wolverine."
"I'm looking for someone, who's looking for you."
"I'm your huckleberry."
Learn about his evil plan from Laura's guardian,
A nurse and the best cellphone documentary maker EVER.
"They have never seen the sun or the ocean..."
There's like, fifty different shots in this thing.
I mean, check out that audio quality.
What'd she do? Read a voiceover booth?
"They could not to be controlled."
Who's even holding the camera?
Man, iMovie must be sick in the future!
So enjoy Hugh Jackman's final performance(?) As Wolverine,
That makes the last seventeen years of X-Men movies look meh by comparison,
and even pays off the prophecy from The Wolverine.
"I saw you die."
"You were holding your own heart in your hand."
See....
cause Laura's..... holding his hand.
And she's his heart.... y'know?
[ Crying ]
and uh....
...Augh! [ clears throat ]
Damn! This movie is hard to make fun of.
I gotta call in some help.
Let's see here, Michael Bolton uhhh, Mr. Plinkett..
Oh, here we go!
[ Dialing ]
-Yello!
HT: Hey, Deadpool, buddy!
It's honest trailers!
-Who? HT: Hahaha! Good one!
-No, seriously who is this?
-I have you saved as "Fat Betsy, don't pick up".
-Not sure why I picked up.
HT: So, we're live right now in the middle of out 200th honest trailer for Logan,
and we were having troubles.
Hoping we could call you for something edgy or mean to say? Hmmmm?
- Are you high? I'm not gonna sh*t on Logan.
- That film is a f*cking masterpiece. And Jackman doesn't get an Oscar nom,
- I'm setting every VHS copy of Crash on fire!
HT: You're not threatened by another R rated super hero movie?
Full of violence and cursing?
Where the hero lives with a senior?
Has a kickass girl sidekick? Huh?
- Oh you motherf*ckers!
- You're not gonna bait me into this!
- I do the baiting around here, mister!
- I do not endorse this weak attempt to take down the Jack Man,
- just to goose your views.
- It's not my fault Youtube keeps unsubscribing people without telling them.
- But I do endorse James Mangle to make old man Deadpool in 2038.
- Oh man! How good would that be?
- Just 90 minutes of Cable and I, changing each others'... space diapers.
HT: That's sounds... terrible.
- And what would you know, Fat Betsy?
- this is exactly why I don't take your calls anymore.
- Good day, sir.
HT: Oh wait! Please let me be in Deadpool 2- [ End Call ] Awww!
Starring:
Logan's Run
The Nutty Professor
Snikt Girl
Young Man Logan
Steam Punk Colonel Sanders
Mex-Men First Class
And Yelling
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The Last Of Us
"A new mutants, young one."
"They want help."
"There no new mutants."
Ahhh.... Fox would like a like a word with you.
Thanks to special guest Ryan Reynolds,
and thanks for your support for getting us to 200 trailers.
Seriously, make sure you've clicked the subscribe button
and the little bell icon below.
Epic voice guy can't get it enough without the views.
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