- Boy, it is crazy.
There are only seven more days until Christmas.
That's-- [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
How many of you started your holiday shopping already?
Okay. [cheers and applause]
And how many of you are gonna wait for, like, six more days?
[cheers and applause]
Holiday shopping can be expensive,
so I thought I would share some tips
for holiday shopping on a budget.
Tip \#1: Everyone's talking about the new "Star Wars" movie,
and a lot of kids and full-grown men
want lightsabers for Christmas. [audience laughter]
And they ain't cheap, I'll tell you that.
So, look what I made right here.
[imitates lightsaber hum] [audience laughter]
[cheers and applause]
Yeah, all you need is a pool noodle,
and some black tape, and-- [audience laughter]
For $2.00, you got yourself a lightsaber right there.
And it's waterproof.
That's using your noodle, I'll tell you that.
[audience laughter]
Tip \#2: If you're shopping for your Jewish friends,
remember, Hanukkah ended last week.
All you need to get them is this:
Nothing!
[laughter and applause]
Too late! [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
Boom! Just saved you some money right there.
[audience laughter]
Tip \#3: A great gift for Dad
is Johnny Walker Blue Label Scotch,
which costs about 200 bucks,
but you can buy Johnny Walker Red for $20.
So you get yourself a blue marker,
and you buy yourself-- [audience laughter]
The blue label, and then you just color it.
[audience laughter]
And now you got blue.
[cheers and applause]
The red-- [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
Tip \#4: Lingerie is a great gift
for that special someone in your life,
or your mailman.
[audience laughter]
Did you know that regular underwear
is cheaper than lingerie?
Which makes sense.
[audience laughter]
No, it makes no sense.
[audience laughter]
Wait, no, regular underwear--
I said it wrong: regular underwear is actually
more expensive than lingerie,
and lingerie has less fabric,
so it seems ridiculous, so what you do, here, is--
[audience laughter]
Lingerie is more expensive.
[audience laughter]
Yeah, I know. I know.
The joke's still gonna work.
[audience laughter]
Did you know--
[laughter and applause]
Wait till you hear this, guys.
Lingerie's more expensive...
[audience laughter] than regular underwear,
which is crazy, because it's less fabric.
So what you do is you buy yourself
just a regular pair of underwear, like that.
You get yourself some scissors, and then--
[audience laughter]
And look what you got.
[cheers and applause]
Now, Tip \#5: You can just give someone the perfect gift
without spending any money at all,
and that is the gift of dance.