Carly, is that you?
You're normally catatonic until noon
when you gather enough energy to cry.
It's me. Help yourself to a mimosa.
Pancakes are on the way.
I'm thrilled. What's happening?
[mouthing]
Can I have a banana nut muffin to go?
Sure. You've got the last one.
Oh, I was gonna order the same.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You know what? You take it.
Oh, I can't take your banana nut muffin.
No, really, take it.
And you can have my coffee, too.
And I think I might have some almonds in my purse.
It's really nice of you, but I'm good.
Well, at least we can share it. Here.
Wow. Maybe we could share a table, too?
I really shouldn't be flirting right now.
I'm kind of on a mission.
- Sounds serious. - It is.
I'm trying to find some jerk who keeps posting
mean things about me online.
Why would somebody post mean stuff about you?
It's dumb. I'm Carly of
I have a channel. Online.
Have you heard of the Internet?
Oh, you mean the place where I compulsively
look at real estate, convinced myself
that I have every disease imaginable?
Yes, I'm familiar.
I just can't wait
to learn everything there is to know about cars.
I truly am a Renaissance person.
But most importantly, I'm gonna get Vin Diesel
in tip-top shape.
MTV Movie Award winner for Best Tank Top
Vin Diesel? He's in perfect shape.
Oh, my car's name is Vin Diesel.
Yesterday, this guy tried to charge me
15,000 dollars for repairs.
I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt.
I didn't realize you were so sensitive.
What kind of fauxpology was that?
Fauxpology? Love!
That is a perfect caption for Meatball Face.
Totally! "When you hear
a fauxpology..."
Wait, how do you spell that?
Oh, you spell it R-U-kidding me?
[doorbell ringing]
Spencer, you know how cutthroat it is out here.
All these new platforms and influencers
getting younger and younger.
It's like Harper always says:
"You gotta switch it up on a bitch!"
I'll never say that again.
It was cute, though. You tried.
Tomorrow, I could be beaten by a moldy cannoli.
Pop Rocks Baby is already in rehab.
Alright. I get it.
Just don't add any more fuel to the fire.
Ba-bam! Who wants a Carly
meatball face T-shirt?
Oh, my god, these are adorable.
Oh, here it comes, here it comes!
The comet! It's coming right for us!
No!
[shattering]
That was the comet, not me.
As you can see, it's an ideal work space
where you can dip in for an hour between meetings.
Not to mention the member closet
you can borrow clothes from is perfect for lookbook.
What is in this green juice?
You thought of everything.
Podcast studio, conference rooms-
Bra concierge.
What are those?
Oh, that is a Femi-nest.
Trademark, patent pending.
So often women are told
we can't express our aspirations.
In the nest, you scream them out.
It's incredibly transgressive.
But they're also soundproof, so it's not rude.
Go ahead, give it a spin.
I'd love to, but one time I was getting an MRI
and the technician forgot about me.
So, I'm good.
Freddie's app is saving my butt.
I couldn't decide between rigatoni, ziti, or spaghetti,
so I found a recipe that uses them all.
It's called Raviolo Maximo.
It's the Turducken of pasta.
Yeah, Turducken, yum.
Wow, the disrespect.
[buzzing]
"Meal complete. You are done."
I am? That was so fast!
Moment of truth.
Uh...
is it supposed to be pulsating?
The pulsating's how you know it's done.
I did it.
I can't believe I did it.
Everyone, let's eat!
Oh! This is a beautiful table!
And look at the pulsation on that Raviolo!
[giggling]
Thank you, Nonna.
Four, three, two.
Welcome to the new
Ooh, it looks like she's already got a few viewers.
Probably bots from Brazil.
This is still
So today I thought I'd share my skin care routine.
According to the many, many targeted ads I get,
it's never too early to start using...
anti-aging products!
Even for Baby Spencer!
Yay! Ha ha ha, that's me!
None of these products were tested on animals.
Just one tiny, little lucky infant.
Oh, I feel lucky!
In no way am I worried.
[laughing]
- Here we go. - Yow!
Oh, I think he needs a lot more.
I don't- No, that's enough alread-!
[shouting]
I don't think this is how you do it!
I love this serum.
I actually panic-bought it when I was at a 7-Eleven,
and the guy there called me "ma'am".
You're brilliant. You used my old dress
and I feel so confident and-
You can't go out there in this.
What? What do you mean? I was just about-
[gasping]
Oh, my god. We never did a fitting.
These are all just temporary stitches.
Oh, no. What am I gonna do?
Don't worry. I got you.
[mouthing]
[cameras clicking]
So, are we good?
I mean, I did flip a table.
Can I be honest with you?
It was iconic.
Even though I was so angry,
I was secretly living for it.
[cameras clicking]
Same.
I just wish you'd thrown a drink in my face.
Ooh, we'll save that for our next fight!
[ripping]
By the way, you were so right.
My type is totally hot and dumb.
What a revelation.
Do I need therapy? Nah, I'm good.
[ripping]
Promise me you'll never let go.
I'll never let go, Carly. I'll never let go.
[ripping]
No sudden moves.
We live here now.
Wow, Mrs. B., that was a really fun game
of Befriend, Marry, Scold.
Thank you.
You know, girls, this may surprise you, but
I have never been asked to a sleepover.
What?
Millicent, Can you believe that?
I cannot.
It seems impossible that that is possible.
Puzzle time!
I separated the pieces into several piles:
freckles, dimples, and skin tags.
I don't see any pieces with facial stubble.
I know I had 'em photoshopped smooth.
Ah! Puzzle piece cut!
Not to worry. I have miles of gauze.
BRB.
Good thing I brought my mini first aid kit.
Ugh! This better be worth it.
I was gonna read a book tonight.
Magazine. On your phone.
Probably the audio version.
It's still words.