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Hellooo, everybody!
Before I get to today's topic, I have a SUPER exciting announcement.
You guys have asked for it, and I've answered the call. I have officially launched my Patreon page!
For those who aren't familiar, Patreon is a platform where fans can support artists, writers,
and content creators, by becoming a patron. You guys have told me that you want a wider
variety of vlogs, you want character artwork, you want merchandise. And I agree, I wanna deliver.
By becoming a patron you'll be helping me create all the goodies you crave. Plus patrons get tons
of rewards like bloopers, behind the pages content, livestream chats with yours truly,
and a bunch of other stuff. I've got a link to my Patreon page listed below. So check it out,
cuz I said so. On that note, let's get to today's topic. A while back I listed my
top ten pet peeves for fictional female characters, and the number one response was,
“Hey, Jenna, are you gonna do one for men?”
Of course I'm gonna do one for men. I'm an equal opportunity hater. I share the vitriol.
Here are the ten fictional men that make me wanna throw the book at the wall, and then die.
Number One (1): The sexy douchebag. He is so arrogant, he is so full of himself,
and that's what makes him irresistible. How again does this work? Can someone explain it to me?
I think confidence is universally seen as attractive, but arrogance? Exaggerated self importance?
When did that become anything but insufferable? (Cocky voice) “I'm the best. I have an eight pack. Blah,
blah, blah. Protein.” Yet somehow the sexy douchebag has become the leading man in a
bunch of stories. Ladies, how did this happen? We go to the bathroom in groups just to get away
from this guy, and now he's following me in my reading material? And a lot of sexy douchebags
are written by heterosexual women. What? Are you a masochist? What happened here? Who hurt you?
Number Two (2): The mind reader. This guy sees a woman he doesn't know, maybe in a photograph,
maybe from afar. But he sees the pain in her eyes, the transcended connection, the suffering she's
had to mask with a smile for so long. He doesn't know her name, but in an instant he understands
her, he knows her on a deeper level, and wants to be there to lift her up through all her struggles.
What kind of bullshit is this? Worst of all, some people read this crap and think that men actually
have this superpower in real life. I'll just stare sadly into the distance, and my crush will see me,
become fascinated by me, and suddenly wanna fix my life. Maybe consider a backup plan. Number
Three (3): The Adonis. He is the tallest man in the book. He's the strongest man in the book. He
is the hottest man in the book. And he's also the main character or the love interest. What are the
odds! Look, I'm not saying you have to make the MC or the love interest ugly. Go ahead and make
‘em hot. But physically flawless, Grade-A carved man meat? Come on. And nine times out of ten,
this dude's description includes the line: He could have any woman he wanted. Any of
them? Are you sure? Because I don't know if anyone told you, but some women like women.
Number Four (4): The tantrum man. Anger is a valid emotion. But when these guys get angry,
they flip the fuck out. (Growls) I can understand if something devastating happens,
but most of the time to shit that one down is pretty inconsequential. Girl didn't call you back?
Punch a wall. Neighbor's music too loud? Destroy a room, rip off your shirt, open the hell mouth
and eviscerate mankind. I know the writer is just trying to make him look manly, but it's not a good
look to have a violent emotional breakdown every time something doesn't go your way. Throwing shit
doesn't make you a man. You know who else does shit when they're upset? Monkeys, literally, they
throw their poop. Writers, if you want the guy to be a “real man” try having him act like an adult,
or at least a human. Number Five (5): The good for nothing underdog. I love an underdog story. It's
inspiring to read about someone who works hard in the face of adversity. But you know who no one's
inspired by, a spoiled brat. A good underdog is likable. He's had a shitty hand dealt to him,
but he still manages to overcome the odds. A good for nothing underdog is a guy with zero redeeming
qualities, who whines about his completely average circumstances. (Whiney voice) “My parents don't
understand me. School gives me homework. Cheerleaders won't date me.” Welcome to the
real world slugger, no one's impressed. This is a guy you never want to root for. He's not kind,
he's not smart, he's not emotionally, mentally or physically strong. Hey idiot, maybe your
life sucks cuz you suck. On the flip side we have, Number six (6): The guy who's good at everything.
Who's got the best sense of humor in the book? This guy. Who has an eighth degree black belt,
a genius IQ, and owns a multi-billion dollar corporation? This guy. This guy is great at
everything you throw at him. He's also completely fake. No one is this talented, or this successful,
period. Now sometimes you see this on a smaller scale. Maybe the guy is just your average high
school student, who learns five fighting styles overnight, manages to slay all the bad guys with
zero help, and somehow snagged the significantly more attractive love interest. Why? Cuz the author
said so, that’s why. I know the character’s fictional, but you can at least try to make
him a little believable. Number Seven (7): The womanizer who changes his ways. He's fucked every
woman in town, but this woman special, and he's gonna fuck his way into her heart. I'm gonna give
you a crash course on this character. It's not that he’s sexually open or adventurous. He's just
trying to conquer as many women as possible for his own ego and reputation. And he's usually the
MC or the love interest. Wonderful. Another douche leading the story. Look, if you're goin’ out of
your way to get your conquests in, I'm assuming you're compensating for some supreme inadequacy.
And really, you meet one chick and suddenly you're not a total dick? I believe that for approximately
zero seconds. On a similar note, Number Eight (8): The walking boner. This character's
entire existence revolves around his penis, and sticking it inside of people. Look, I get it,
a lot of men think about sex. They also watch TV, and go to work, and eat food, and they manage to
do all those things without putting their dick in something. I'm not saying your male character
can't be horny, but not every conversation or interaction needs to revolve around his
genitals. He should be able to function in normal society. And there are men out there who prefer
to have sex with a girlfriend or boyfriend. There are men who aren't prioritizing sex at all. People
come in varieties, and if your character sees everyone he meets as a potential hole to enter,
he might be a piece of shit. Number Nine (9): The pillar of strength. Men are big. Men are strong.
Men are incapable of experiencing human emotion. I'm a huge fan of strong characters, but strength
is determined by your ability to withstand adversity, to pick yourself up when you've
been beaten down, to keep fighting. Not by your ability to transform into a soulless robot. Like
me. If your character is never sad, or afraid, or any feeling that remotely comes off as vulnerable.
I'm not gonna assume he's strong. I'm just gonna assume he's poorly written. And it's not fun to
read about a guy who never once struggles, or shows any weakness. Where's the conflict? I
wanna see the blood sweat and tears, and then more blood. Number Ten (10): The comic relief
best friend. He's gonna swing into the scene, hit you with a zinger, and that's it. That's all
he does. Does he have a life? Maybe? Who knows? Is he dating or interested in anyone? Of course
not. Only the MC is allowed to get laid. Does he have any skills or hobbies whatsoever? Pft, no
way. Skills are for the main character, he's good at everything, remember? It's fine to have funny
characters or a funny best friend, but he has to contribute something else. Anything else,
please. And bonus option, Number Eleven (11): The ‘He's a guy’ guy. This isn't a character per se,
this is just the way some readers react to male characters. Did the male love interest
cheat on the MC? It's okay, he's the guy. Did the male MC beat the shit out of someone completely
unprovoked? Ignore him, he's a guy. I have heard the phrase ‘he's the guy’ used to forgive sexual
assault, violence, infidelity, and a whole bunch of other really ugly plot points. And it confuses
me. Do you just think that all men are shitbags? That it's just a normal guy thing to be a garbage
human? What gives? Here's a suggestion, next time you're tempted to justify deplorable behavior in a
novel just because the character is male, remind yourself that men are human, and thus capable of
self control. Also, remind yourself that you're an idiot. So that's all I got for you today. You guys
asked for more ranting, and I was delighted to deliver. What this list boils down to is,
I like reading about real men. Not flawless billionaires or chiseled Ken dolls. Just guys,
with layers and personality and stuff. But that's just me. Be sure to check out my Patreon page.
I've got all sorts of rewards lined up for you, the link is listed below. And with that said,
don't forget to subscribe to my channel. I post new videos on Wednesdays. Eve: The Awakening is
still available in ebook and paperback on Amazon right now. You can also order a signed copy,
all the links are listed below. And if you have any questions or if there's something
you'd like me to talk about in my next video, be sure to tweet me @JennaMoreci! Bye!