- Hi, America, my name's David Taylor.
I'm the CEO of the company that makes Tide,
and it's corollary product Tide Pods,
which is what I wanna talk to you about today.
Ya gotta stop eating the Tide Pods, okay?
Look, I get it, you guys are young, you're hip.
You don't want an old guy telling you what to do.
But Tide Pods are soap, and that's not food.
So please, stop eating the Tide Pods.
And make sure to keep an eye out for Cascade Dish Pops,
the lollipop that cleans your dishes.
That lolli... uh, could we stop, could we, sorry...
Are we calling it a lollipop?
I'd love to see one, if I could, just get it.
If we could fly one in?
(laughs)
Our company has been innovating new products
since it was founded, and we're proud to continue
that tradition with our Vicks VapoRub
Winter Blast gum-flavored bon bons.
Do, do these look just like mints, like diner mints?
I'm lookin' at it, and man that looks like a mint to me.
I mean, am I crazy?
- What do you mean the same as Tide Pods?
I also don't understand, now that we're talking about it,
what does "gum-flavored" mean in this context?
Bubble gum flavored?
Gum tastes like anything.
We're gonna get our fucking ass handed to us in court.
You're not rolling on this, are you?
Forget dryer sheets, with Gain brand dryer powder,
you simply pour the powder into the mixer,
you take your dryer stick right here, and...
This is cotton candy.
Am I the asshole?
Like, how do you not get...
We, can we just cut?
Can you cut the camera real quick?
I, I'm trying to understand right now how this happened.
I've been busting my ass on this fucking Tide Pods fiasco,
and I turn my back for three seconds,
and now our entire line of products
is shaped like fucking candy.
And I'm trying to understand how this happened.
Why are you crying?
With Tampax push-cicles, you get to choose between
chilly cherry, frosty fruit punch, or ice cold cranberry.
We, okay, not only should none of these be flavored,
because why would you flavor them?
This is the coldest thing I've ever held.
And, as in everything else today,
people will try to eat these!
Even if they're not poisonous,
we don't want people eating fucking tampons.
- Why are they poisonous?
You'll go cuckoo for cleanliness
with our cocoa butter premium Pampers brand choc...
So the kids eat shit.
Right?
That's what this is, the kids, they eat shit.
It's chocolate, diaper, poop.
Let's see here, ope, there it is.
Is it chocolate?
Is it poop?
Do we care?
Does anyone care?
Who knows?
Who gives a fuck, right?
I'm not gonna do this product, so we'll be moving on.
Jesus Christ, okay.
Try Crest brand dinner paste, for the hungry consumer
on the go, throw a fluoride-filed meal bag in your gullet?
Oh, fuck.
So we do make food.
So we do now make food.
Meal bag.
- I'll kill you.
It doesn't matter if we make the day,
because none of this is gonna be usable,
do you understand?
That's a hamburger.
- That's a razor?
That's a Gillette razor?
Bring me shaving cream right now.
And if it doesn't shave my face, it's your ass.
You get that, right?
Here we go.
Oh my God.
That is a killer shave.
That is like baby's bottom smooth.
The other stuff, I don't know about,
but this is, the hamburger is working for me.
- Hi, it's Mike Trapp from College Humor.
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