I dunno what went wrong in July.
I thought we were doing well with trends this year.
We’ve had the bottle cap challenge
and the trashtag trend.
Licking ice cream at the shops and putting it back
is not a thing.
It’s not a thing.
These fellas having a silent disco in their backyard
for Independence Day however,
now that’s a thing.
Us Australians are pretty good at having BBQ’s,
but this is next level shit.
I’m not even gonna fucken try and compete with this.
It was a great month for makeup tutorials.
Not because we learnt the best way
to apply a bit of lippy,
more so because Mother Nature showed up
in the form of an Earthquake and yelled
“the internet doesn’t need more makeup content!”
Elephants were pissy, weren't they?!
This one is like
“quit taking photos of me and putting them online.
Don’t ya know FaceApp is owned by Russians!
Yeah nah guess the elephant is fed up
with having its data sold.
It doesn’t wanna end up
on a Cambridge Analytica marketing list.
This is refreshing.
There’s nothing happening on this street.
In a world of chaos, there is bugger all to see here.
I like that.
Meanwhile, inside—holy shitballs!
A dog has been caught sitting on the couch.
He knows he’s not allowed on this couch.
That is a look of pure guilt.
He’s trying to figure out a way to erase the footage.
It’s too late.
The authorities have been alerted.
He’s in fucken trouble.
I’ll tell ya who else is in trouble,
any professional swimmer who refuses to get a photo
with Sun Yang.
Old mate here seems easily irritated, doesn’t he?
A bit irritable and temperamental.
"Heh, Drugs!"
I wonder what that behaviour is a symptom of?
Screw it,
the only sport with honest athletes anymore
is T-Rex racing.
This is a competition with the highest
level of sportsmanship,
and it’s clearly exciting as fuck.
Look at these legends.
I could watch them all day.
They’re fair dinkum great role models for kids as well.
Yeah, a few of them might be drunk, but that’s okay.
Performance debilitating drugs are not a problem.
I can’t wait to be a T-Rex when I grow up.
Ha ha HA!
Storm Area 51 became a movement on Facebook.
The bloke who started the event
now has to deal with people taking it seriously.
"I've had couple of people DMed the page,
they were like I am willing to die for the government,
let's do this, and I'm just like OMG budd".
I bet whatever work people are doing in Area 51
ends up being so boring once we find out what it is.
There’s no aliens.
There, I said it.
The aliens already live amongst us wearing human skin.
We know this.
This is bloody known.
Meanwhile, back over at the silent disco BBQ.
Yep, yep everything appears to be normal here.
Nothing more to see.
A big congratulations to the winner of
the Fortnite World Cup.
You heard me.
He is fucken PUMPED!
I don’t think he’s as pumped as
Sun Yang on the steroids,
which is good.
Although what is the deal with E-sports?
Do ya get drug tested?
The prize money is millions of dollars.
Surely there’s dodgy wankers looking to cheat
in some way.
Is caffeine okay?
Can ya take No Doz pills?
Can you bring a carton of Monster?
Gee whiz, that is a much better trophy than I ever got
for playing football or tee—ball.
The trailer for the new Top Gun movie outta nowhere
was more exciting than it should’ve been,
Netflix dropped a trailer for The Witcher series.
I can’t tell if my stiffy is activated yet.
It’s on standby.
And here’s a hamster
that is supposed to be exercising
and cannot be fucked.
That ladies and gentlemen
is July 2019
in a nutshell.
It was the month of zero fucks given.