La, la, la, we're back.
I'm here with Norm Norm Macdonald,
and you often speak of your native Canada.
Yeah, I love Canada. You mention it a lot.
(audience cheering) Yeah, people love,
people, a couple of people.
(laughs) Three to be exact.
They like it. That's important.
Where are you from?
Are you from a big city, where are you from?
No, I'm from a little town.
It's called Monkland and it's only 108 people.
108, that's small. Yeah, it's country,
you know, it's really rural.
But, man, I'll tell you,
there's lots of funny stories from there.
(audience laughing)
Well, I'm sorry, we don't have time.
Thank you very much for coming, Norm,
it was good having you here.
That was Norm Macdonald, good night everybody.
'Cause farm people-
Really, funny stories from this town?
Yeah, 'cause farm people, they all seem to be,
you know, there always seems to be a funny story.
I remember one time-
(laughs) There better be, Norm.
There was a guy, man, he lived down the road.
His name was John Neal Marjerison,
and this guy, I went to him once.
I'd been away for a couple years,
you know, I moved to the city, you know,
and I came back and I said, "John Neal, how you doing?"
You know, I went to his, what do call, farm.
[Conan] (laughs) Yeah.
That thing, yeah. So he's showing me his pigs.
He had a bunch of pigs there, you know.
He had a bunch of pigs, a bunch of 'em,
and one of the pigs had a wooden leg, you know.
[Conan] What?
Yeah, a wooden leg.
So I thought that was odd, you know.
So I says to him, I says, "John Neal, that's odd there,
what's that pig, what's the story with that pig?"
So, John Neal, he goes, "Oh, man, Norm,"
he says, "That's a special pig."
He goes, "You wouldn't believe that pig."
I go, "Yeah, well, tell me about it."
He goes, "That pig, you wouldn't believe it."
He says, "Last winter, you know, the house burned down.
You know, you probably heard, the house burned down."
And he says, "Me and the wife, we were sleeping in our bed,"
and he says, "We never would've heard.
We never would've woken up."
But, he goes, "That pig, he broke out of his pen,
he ran all the way to the house
and he went up to the bedroom window, you know,"
and he says, "He starts hitting
his little snout on a window, you know."
[Conan] Uh-huh.
And he says, "Me and the wife, we woke up,
and we got out, man, just in time.
We escaped that inferno."
He didn't use the word inferno, he's just a farmer.
(Conan laughing) You threw that in there.
Yeah, he says, "We escaped that conflagration, you know."
So, I go, "Man, that's quite a story about the pig."
He goes, "Oh, man, it doesn't stop there."
I go, "Really," and he goes, "Yeah."
And he goes, he goes, "Just later after that,
like the following summer,
me and the wife were plowing the north 40
and our little boy, only two years old, man,
fell into the well, all alone, you know,
and no way we could do anything, we were plowing."
(audience laughing)
He says, "We didn't hear, you know."
And he says, "Man, you know, we're getting older,
we're probably not gonna have another kid,
you know, that kid means everything to us."
I go, "I know, John Neal, I know that.
(Conan laughing)
You don't have to tell me that."
So, I said, "What happened?"
He goes, "That there very same pig,"
he says, "He heard the child's wailing, plaintive cry."
He didn't say plaintive, you know, he's a farmer,
but he says, "He heard a child.
He broke out of his pen, he ran all the way to the well.
He looked down, there was the poor son of ours there, Billy,
you know, down at the bottom of the well."
He says, "The pig, he took his snout there,
he started pulling up on a rope,
and he got, the kid got right out, you know.
Man that's great, isn't it?"
And I go, "Man, that's the greatest story I ever heard.
Man, oh, what a pig."
I said, "What a pig that is."
I said, "One question, though, John Neal."
I said, "He got a wooden leg, I don't understand that part.
Pig got a wooden leg over there."
John Neal goes, "Man," he goes, "what are you crazy?"
He says, he says, "A great pig like that,
you can't eat him all at once."
(Conan laughing) (audience applauding)
Mr. Abraham Lincoln, everybody. (laughs)
Yeah, that was...
All right, (laughs) I can never forgive you.
All right, well, let's talk about this, mention this.
"Saturday Night Live" this week's with Phil Hartman.
Yeah, that's gonna be exciting.
Gin Blossom's on that show, that's a great show.
Yeah, I don't know who they are,
but Phil Hartman is great.
(Conan laughs)
Norm Macdonald, everybody.
Richard E. Grant and Goldust are coming up.
We'll be right back.