my guest tonight of course a hilarious
comedian and a cast member on
saturday night live please welcome the
very funny
heidi gardner hey heidi how are you i'm
well how are you conan
i'm doing really well thanks so much for
being here uh you know um
i love your work and i have to say i'm
getting a lot of points
from my daughter and my daughter's
friends because they adore you
okay that feels good that feels like
genuine points for me
no it really does uh they could care
less about anything i'm ever up to
uh because uh you know obvious reasons
i'm
95 years old but you they adore
and they were really excited that i was
talking to you today and i think a cat
just creeped up behind you
that i i thought all the cats had exited
the room i apologize
no don't apologize um what's the cat's
name
this is tweaky tweaky yes
as in someone's a little tweaky because
they've been on math for a while that
kind of tweaky
exactly well you're lovely of a lovely
way with animals
you know i'd ask you a question i did
some research on you and
uh you were a hair stylist before you
got into comedy
i was and uh you still
do you still do it do you still like
work on people's hair and i'm asking for
a reason
i've grown mine out as you can see
it's it's really there we go
it's got a flop it's got a fl is that
what the technical term is it's a flop
well you know what i would actually say
the technical term is
and the last time i cut hair was last
year pre-quarantined
i gave my husband a haircut and i gave
him
the brandon frazier mummy cut and i
think that's what you have right now
this is what this is what it is this is
the brennan fraser mummy cut
yes because it's like it was kind of a
bowl but you know
center part yours is a little off center
but it kind of did that like
little mushroom to the sides which was
cool in 97 or eight
i was cool in 97 98. yours ends up
yes i like it
let's talk about bailey gizmert this is
i think a testament to your talent so
many people
do try and do teenage characters
i think it's impossible to nail and
uh and then bailey is just
and when i watch her it almost gets
under my skin it's so accurate
as you guys know i'm currently
quarantining
by choice not because i like have corona
or whatever
but yeah mostly because like my parents
are being awkward
they're like doing that like push-up
challenge and my dad like
has a v now so i'm like staying in my
room
did you just watch a ton of teenagers
for a while before you attempted that
character
or did you just always know how to do
bailey
i i think i always knew how to do it
because i think it's um
it's always lived inside me like i i was
always the type who
like you know would like kind of hide
behind your hair
and like um you know make you feel
weird for even existing like you know
she would probably be like
hi conan like thanks for having me on
your show
or whatever i don't i don't watch it
like i mean
my dad like says you're a genius but
like sorry i don't like watch it
and then you just feel so bad about
yourself
yeah yeah no it's funny uh
i mean i don't think i'm over analyzing
it but her discomfort
weirdly about herself somehow makes
anyone she's talking to uncomfortable
yes and that's what i think
um teenagers do like they they make you
feel like you shouldn't
exist at all yeah
and then the other thing you do that i
absolutely love as bailey
is you'll be talking and everything's
fine and then your mood shifts
completely and it's
hilarious and also frightening because
it's
so accurate you'll just go from happy
to in the depths of the most
soul-crushing despair i know and it's
like soul-crushing despair that
now after we've lived like adult lives
is so
not a big deal but like to a young
i remember i remember when brad pitt
didn't get nominated for legends of the
fall
like to my mom i was like
this is a problem like just
it was my whole week like and give us
that
i like wish like that still right right
um
let's talk about angel i love this
character
because i'm a fanatic for boxing movies
i just have i've watched all of them
even the most
cliched boxing movies and angel is
every boxer's girlfriend
so i hear you've got some good news for
us well you know tommy's fighting
tonight so i've been better
well i hope he wins yeah well i hope he
stays alive to see our kids grow up
so how many more hits till it's enough
were you going into the fight at least
no no i told him
if he fights again i'm taking the kids
to my sisters
but where did this character come from
because again the specificity of your
characters
is you got like such a laser focus
it was really just uh it was when that
um
jake gyllenhaal rachel mcadams movie
came out
southpaw and i like i i heard a preview
on the tv for it and you know she said
something like you know you think you're
the fighter i'm the fighter
and i was like wait i think amy adams
said that two years ago in the fighter
yes and then and then you just start
going through all of them and it's the
same
scenes every time and i just got excited
like
maybe other people notice this too so
just
gonna hit on that like right at the
right i felt lucky
have you um because when i worked
on starting out live a long time ago
back when it was just a puppet show
um but it was still we would have this
thing we would have to go in and pitch
ideas to lorne
and the uh performers on the show would
have to pitch
characters and it was hilarious because
i was
there when people pitched iconic
characters that went on to become these
huge staples
of staring out live i was there and
witnessed it but it was also there when
those same performers
pitched characters that went nowhere
yeah like john lovitz who of course
was known for so many great characters
uh
and i was there and he was convinced
he had this character who would uh
who would say you gotta get to know me
and then would take a drag on a
cigarette and say that's right get to
know me
and we all thought i don't know and then
he went to lauren he was like lauren get
to know me
and laura was like
is there a character that you pitched
recently that just went nowhere
yeah like i i had um pitched and wrote a
woman who was
like a voice over actress who uh
voiced all the hot dogs in the 80s and
it's like poodles and corgis um
i really just thought like i was like
everyone's gonna get this like don't we
remember
like there were always those like hot
poodles
and um and it hasn't been on this season
it will be it's going to get in there
and it's going to surprise everybody
it's going to be your character yet
yes you'll see and if that doesn't work
levitz is old get to know me
i will um how are your parents with your
fame how are they they must be very
proud of you
yeah they for sure are which is
the sweetest thing in the world um
but uh but my mom so i mean right when i
got the job
and this was probably i remember like
two weeks into it
my mom and i were in a public restroom
and there were there were a lot of
people in there and i i was like mom i'm
gonna wait for you
in the lobby and she goes okay
heidi gardner my
daughter and
i exited and of course this was two
weeks in nasa now i mean it takes
probably three years for anyone to know
who you are and that's not right but
for sure no one knew who i was so i
i go out and i sit in the lobby and my
mom comes out and i was like hey mom
will you sit with me for a second she
was like yeah honey
and i go hey i i saw what you did
in the bathroom and um you know i'm just
not
very comfortable with that i don't i
don't like that and she goes
honey i'm just bragging that's so funny
my uh
my mom when i had the late night show
first couple of years into having the
late night show she used to really do
this
she got a bunch of late night with conan
o'brien key chains and she kept them in
her purse
and she should we would go through she
would go through the line
uh at the uh local supermarket in
brookline massachusetts
and then the person would be bagging her
groceries and she'd say
do you like television and the guy'd be
like uh
yeah sure do you ever watch late night
television
and you'd say um yeah i watched some
late night do you ever see conan o'brien
and the guy be like
yeah i know i see that show do you like
conan brian
he's okay well guess what he's my son
and you can have a keychain
i could just picture all these people
reluctantly taking
a keychain but it makes them so happy
and that makes me happy to hear because
i think i'm always thinking like oh my
god people must be
so annoyed by my mom but if i was that
cashier i would think that was the
cutest thing in the world i would take
my mom
yeah like does your dad brag about you
yes so my dad
he's he tries to do it a little more
low-key he drives for uber
and he likes to um do like the early
pickup so like airport runs or
but a lot of times he does sunday
morning like
picking people up from the bars or
wherever they've been and so he'll tell
stories
of like picking up a whole like
bachelorette girls from a bachelorette
party
and like they'll you know be out on an
all-nighter and like
trying to settle in and my dad's like so
ladies at 4 30 in the morning did you
guys watch
snl last night we're like
no
yeah um sometimes he's like
but some of them but then i say but have
you ever watched and then
you know and then they know who you are
and they really like your work
well that's nice yeah that's nice i'm
glad i'm glad that you're
i think it's a very nice thing i'm sure
they're extraordinarily proud of you
and uh you are crazy talented you're
crazy talented and i'm very happy for
you
i really am it's nice i get uh
i don't know what it is but when when i
see young people
uh that are inordinately talented doing
good work it just makes me happy i just
like restores my faith in the whole
system you know well you know for years
i
um had your quote uh if you're kind and
you work hard
amazing things will happen right over my
bed so oh that's so sweet
that's nice well guess what what i
should do is amend that quote
and say amazing things will happen and
then you'll get your stolen out of
a theater
i'll just add that at the end well
listen
uh heidi uh so much so fun to talk to
you
and um i look forward to when all this
craziness is over
bumping into you in person you know okay
yeah
do it i'll arrange it in a creepy way
it's what i do
okay yeah you'll trust me the words out
on me
starting out live i love that i'm
plugging staring out live start out live
gang
you should check this show out it airs
saturdays at 11
30 on nbc and heidi congratulations on
everything and thank you for uh talking
to me
thank you for talking to us there's
tweaky