- [Amanda] Hey, Psy2Goers, welcome back to our channel.
Often when we have a crush,
there's a desire for them to feel the same way
about you as you feel about them.
You may think,
"How can I get them to notice me?
How can I get them to view me romantically?"
Well, there are a few things you can do
to increase your chances of them viewing you
as more than just friends.
Here are a few ways to psychologically attract someone.
Number one, reveal a secret of yours
and show that you can keep one too.
A 2009 study by researchers,
Catherine A. Cottrell, Steven L. Neuberg,
and Norman P. Li, found that people
greatly valued trustworthiness in their relationships.
The study states, "Across different measures
of trait importance and different groups and relationships,
trustworthiness was considered extremely important
for all interdependent others.
The evidence for the enhanced importance
of cooperativeness across different interdependent
contacts was more equivocal.
Along with trustworthiness,
they valued trustingness as well."
According to researchers, trustingness,
in particular, indicates that an individual
will accept as true others' commitments and promises.
An attribute that can save others
the costs of repeatedly signaling their commitment.
Trust is huge in any relationship.
One way you can show you trust someone early on
is to tell them a small secret of yours.
This may bring you closer,
more importantly, show that you can keep one
if they reveal a secret to you.
Two, ask out someone who is similarly as attractive as you.
First approved in 1966 by American social psychologist,
Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues,
the matching hypothesis is the idea
that people are more likely to form
a successful relationship with someone
if they're both similar
in how generally attractive they are.
The American Psychological Association
describes the theory as the proposition
that people tend to form relationships
with individuals who have a similar level of social value,
often with an emphasis on equality
and physical attractiveness.
Research indicates that this similarity tends
to be greater for couples having a romantic relationship
than for friend.
So while you should definitely tell
whoever you like your true feelings for them,
you may have an easier time forming
a romantic relationship with someone
who is similar to how you look.
That is if you agree with the matching hypothesis.
No wonder so many couples look similar,
really, just keep your mind open to all types,
looks and personalities.
If you're struggling,
maybe look to someone similar to you,
perhaps not only in looks but personality as well.
Are you tired of swiping left and right?
Or maybe you're trying to find love in the wrong place.
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Number three, display confidence
and show open body language.
It's great to have confidence in yourself for many reasons,
and it can often pay off
when getting to know others as well.
Have you ever heard confidence is key?
Well, showing confidence can be key
to getting others to notice romantically.
Displaying a bit of confidence
is often seen as attractive.
Why?
Well, generally people want to be confident.
So seeing someone who is can be admirable.
One way you can appear more confident
is to display open body language.
Keep your chest and torso open
and try not to cross your arms too much.
Closed body language can give off
the impression that you aren't available
or simply don't want to talk.
Availability is key in making friends
and simply giving others a chance
to talk with you.
So that crush of yours,
if they see you look approachable,
they may just want to approach you.
Number four, don't be afraid to show that you like them.
Do you have a fear that your crush
will find out how you feel about them?
Well, them finding out can often be a good thing.
Have you ever heard of reciprocity
of a track or reciprocal liking?
This is a psychological term
used to describe when one person starts
to feel attraction for someone only after
hearing that that individual likes them.
A 1959 study published in Human Relations
told their group subjects that certain individuals
in the group would likely like them.
After group discussions,
objects told researchers who they liked the most.
Can you guess who they liked?
Yeah, the subjects chose the people
that they were told initially liked them.
So if you admire someone and want to be friends
or more than friends, key them into the idea
that you like them.
This may get them to start thinking of you more
and therefore get them to like you back.
Number or five, choose a date location with dim lights.
So you finally asked your crush out
and you are deciding a location for your first date.
Word of advice, pick a place with dim lighting.
In a significant research study published
in the journal, Scientific American,
researchers showed male subjects
two photographs of the same woman.
In one of the images researchers changed
the size of her pupils to be faintly larger
while the other image was adjusted
so she had smaller pupils.
None of the men reported noticing this slight change.
The men described the woman
with small pupils as cold, hard, and selfish.
And the woman with larger pupils
was described as soft, more feminine, and pretty.
Many furthers studies have had similar results.
When it comes to women's preferences on pupils size,
studies suggest that they're similar in some ways.
Findings appears to suggest that women
who are attracted to nice guys
are attracted to medium sized pupils.
While those who like bad boys
are attracted to larger pupils.
Well, obviously we can't control the size of our pupils,
but dimming the lights will expand them.
So that restaurant you've been deliberating
with their romantic candlelight dinner,
sounds like an attractive choice,
psychologically that is.
And number six, engage in deep conversations
and sometimes paraphrase what they say.
Research from Harvard found that deep conversations
and meaningfully talking about yourself
can help activate the very same regions of your brain
that delicious food or sex activates.
The study states that over a 45 minute period,
subject pairs carried out self disclosure
and relationship building tasks
that gradually escalated in intensity.
The study one found greater post-interaction
closeness with these tasks
versus comparable small talk tasks.
So while small talk is fine, every now and then,
when you're on a romantic date,
a more meaningful discussion may excite them more.
Skip all the talk about the weather
and share something about yourself.
When you both open up and reveal your true emotions,
your partner may fall in love with the deep,
engaging conversations you've had together instead.
Actively listening is often seen
as attractive as well.
It can't just be you talking on a first date.
A way to show them that you are actively listening
and that you understand them,
paraphrase what they've told you
and repeat it back to them.
This is known as reflective listening.
So actively listen
and then offer what you understood
from their discussion back to them.
It's a great way to show you empathize with them
and brings you closer.
Findings from a 2007 research study published
in the American Journal of Psychotherapy
furthered this theory.
The studies have found that when therapists
use reflective listening,
their patients had a higher chance
of disclosing more information on their emotions
and their therapeutic relationship
with their therapist improved.
So it's good for any type of relationship.
Simply put, it brings people closer.
So if you engage in a deep conversation
under a candlelit dinner,
it may even bring you and your crush closer
to a romantic relationship.
So will you use any of these tips to attract someone?
Which ones will you try out first?
Let us know in the comments down below.
Remember that someone may find
some of your qualities attractive
the more they get to know you.
So it's likely worth it to simply ask them
on that first date,
so you get the chance to show them
the great person that you are.
And of course, actively listen to who they are too.
As tips number one and four suggest,
share a secret of yours.
Don't be afraid to let them know you like them.
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