P: Look who's here (ding) D: Hello there
P: What you doing? Why you on my channel again?
D: Dan and Phil? In 2021? P: What is this?
D: What the (bark) is HAPPENING? P: What is happening?
D: Hi P: I don't know what's happening,
D: This is happening (honk) P: Yeah we were meant to have moved by now
P: But we didn't, yet. D: We still haven't moved,
P: It fell down (laughs) D: Livin' that #boxlife
P: We are in box life, we are box lads.
P: So, we're here, we're queer (crickets) and the rest of it.
(records scratches and they both laugh)
D: Before we do anything or explain anything, firstly do you not think we look
D: Like a couple of guys that have haircuts that are not particularly weird?
P: Because, I frickin' did that (gasp) (laughs) I cut that hair!
D: We gave each other haircuts, and look we're not that bizarre (P: No)
D: We still have ears P: We don't look like hedges
D: This was one of the most frightening experiences of my life, I'm just gonna put
D: That out there. P: If we were to compare them, I'd say I
P: did yours better than you did mine. I'm just saying! Yours looks like a good
P: Dan haircut. D: Phil accidentally completely ignorantly
D: Gave me a good haircut, but it wasn't smooth sailing,
P: Oh my god can I show the picture? D: My hair grows very fast, my hair was
D: quite long (P: Oh it was so bad) there was a point where Phil had committed to
D: the clippers, where I basically looked like um a 15th-century monk. (Phil laughs)
P: You look like a mushroom! D: That was briefly my reality
P: I didn't know what to do, I went into full panic mode, D: I asked, I was like
D: Phil show me the photo, show me the god damn photo right now
D: When I looked at it, I'm gonna be real with you, I actually, I almost cried
P: There was no laughing, Dan just got a fear in his voice, it was like pure fear
P: and then I was like OMG what do I do? D: I was already afraid because I actually
D: thought you were gonna cut my ears off P: And somehow, it created this butterfly
P: After the horrendous moth. So we got haircuts, we didn't move, house didn't
P: fall down. D: I think that's just a lifestyle choice, we were already locked
D: down with each other, so I feel like it's quite a commitment for us to now go
D: into a house purchase (P: yes) big commitment. And you know how Dan feels
D: about commitments (P: He doesn't) I'd rather ghost (P: Like that)
P: Why do we have coke in wine glasses you might ask? What we drinking Dan,
P: (laughs) Why are we doing this? D: Not that you're not behooven to have
D: coke out of a wine glass P: I would behove it D: Like some faux fancy bitch
D: This is pineapple liqueur P: (laughs) Pineapple and coke is not a thing you mix
P: together. D: It absolutely is! P: I love my pineapple and coke
D: How is that not a thing P: I don't know D: I did this for you! This is not
a Dan drink P: this is a very Phil drink D: I would have either just the hard
D: alcohol or some red wine or something horrible and bitter-tasting
D: like my personality P: it goes better than pineapple on a pizza, Ill say that
D:This is for you sugar freak(Glass smash) P: Cheers, cheers welcome to the vide
P: so you might have partaken in "Phil and Phriends" back in December
P: well I did one with Dan and everyone loved it (D: Thanks) and I thought,
P: while we're still locked down, why don't we do more live shows together
D: what the hell else is there to do? Cause we don't know what we will be able
D: to make or when, and when we will stop living the #boxlife
P: So Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9 pm we're gonna be hoppin on Stereo and doing a show
D: Havin a little chat, havin the bants P: I thought we could call it Lockdown lads
P: We could talk about it in the show, (D: The box boys)decide if its a good name
D&P: Box boys moving mates cardboard kings D: Let's- Thats a C (Phil laughs)
P: Well whatever D: let's not name it
P: We're gonna treat it like a fun little intimate Dan and Phil podcast vibe
P: we're gonna play games, talk about what we're up to, gonna talk to you guys
P: also to say thank you to anyone who follows us, or has followed us, we're
P: gonna do a little giveaway because if you saw in my last video I was keeping and
P: yeeting loads of stuff from the apartment, D: so much crap
P: anyway, charity shops are closed and there was so many comments on the video
P: saying 'but Phil I want that thing' D: Excuse me, firstly,
P: She's thriving D: look at her (sings) everything is a mess
P: (laughs) D: (sings) but the orchid is love, orchid is life
D: what were we talking about? P: charity box!
D: Here we have 'charity' 'miscellaneous' "candles" P: but there is some stuff that
P: we can't give away or isn't actually worth that much for example a TATINOF cube
D: what the (bark) is that? P: We could sign that, and give it away D: as a
D: laptop stand. P: Ok, we'll put that in the box, like the hulk and the iron man
P: pictures. D: I've outgrown that stylistically. People are saying like Dan
D: and Phil, what's the design of your new place, it's not 2011 geek chic.
P: Avengers, we've done the Avengers. D: But what may just be an old picture of
D: the Hulk to us, actually as a D&P Horcrux has this mystical energy
D: It's just bee there (P: It has) in the back of so many videos P: Things it's seen
D: That might mean something, so um do you want it? P: Do you want it? D: We'll just
D: post it to you we don't care P: You could win it, we need help moving out,
P: So take our stuff D: Please P: We could do the cube, give em a cube. These failed
P: Flesh pyjamas from DanAndPhilGames D: Ahh yes you showed those in the video
P: made of human skin D: That's disturbing P: We're gonna do the vibrating sloth
P: Do you want a little vibrate on your face? D: I do not
P: Feel it, it's so hard. D: That's quite violent. P: I know, you could experience
that. (buzzing) Don't sue us if it breaks your neck. D: I'm deciding how I feel
D: about this. P: Are you getting into it He likes the pain.
D: I feel like I kinda like it (P: laughs) I also feel like this is getting weird
P: And some of the D&P photo booth outtake D: Not saying I don't want to hoard 300
D: Photobooth pictures of myself, that's pretty weird, help us. Take them away.
P: So if you want to be automatically entered into the contest, then click the
P: links below, follow us both on Stereo, D: At my actual name, at amazing his name
P: make sure your bio has some of your social media on it so I can find you if
P: you win. D: and hey, anyone who also comes to listen to us hang out on a
D: Tuesday and a Thursday you could also get a cube!
D: I think it'll be fun and give us something to do until we have.. stuff.
P: We're going crazy, we need someone to talk to, and that can be you.
P: While you're here, I don't just wanna talk about that and then leave.
D: I- I think I know that you're doing. I watched your last video P: We are doing,
Cards against humanity Phan edition which is a relic from I think our first tour
P: Where someone who, Naomi and Nia, made us a cards against humanity all about D&P
D: In case you're one of the people that doesn't know who cards against humanity is
D: It's the fill in the blank game that's horrendously offensive, but one of you has
D: made all of the cards about us which can not not be horrifying.
D: You know after all of these years I feel like here we are, Dan and Phil,
D: On YouTube together again, why not acknowledge the creativity of our audience
P: I know D: and their unique way of celebrating their enjoyment of us.
D: I just (meow) flicked one, said Hentai P: (laughs) Good start
D: This is a surprisingly plush box P: I know look at that,
P: Put your hand in it D: Deluxe- P: It's nice!
D: There's about 20 things about this I'm uncomfortable with. P: Any regrets?
P: Any last wishes before we dive into this? D: I dunno the year 2021, we're all
D: old as (bark). P: What could it be? D: We have careers on the line. Phil.
P: What D: I'm writing a book about mental health, I'm a serious published author
D: It's time to destroy my career before I start it (Phil laughs) P: By doing this!
P: We're given some of these white cards, the fill in the blanks of the black card.
P: We're gonna get 7 each? And we're gonna try and make the other person laugh or
P: wanna throw themselves out of a window the most (glass smashes) D: Why not both?
P: eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf, acht I dont now what I'm saying
D: What happened to sechs and sieben? P: sechs, how could I forget the sechs?
P: Unf, thats not a German letter (laughs) D: I would like to apologise to Germany
P: I've only got 5, I've got 6 now. D: Can you count or speak German? P: Have you
P: got 5 or 6 buddy? D: 6 (laughs) P: Right, D: The coke is hitting
P: (laughs) Don't say that, the first card 'To sustain existence of the human race
you mate with..' D: Sure. Just getting straight in there. P: Oh my- I got the
card I got last time! (shows Dan and they both burst out laughing)
P: I can't say that on this channel! D: I can say- P: Can you say it? (reads card)
D: What a proud moment. P: I'm not mating with that, I'm not mating with that!
P: I'm getting another card. Is this the content people want from us reuniting on
P: YouTube? D: It's exactly what people expect. To sustain the existence of the
D: human race you mate with Phil's awkward hand.
(Phil laughs) D: You know that awkward, thing that Phil still does to this day
D: cause he doesn't know what to do with his body in photos.
D: Oh wait I'm just gonna (imitates Phil)
P: I've tried to stop doing it, you put one thumb in your pocket, and then just
P: some horrible claw. D: Stick your appendage in that claw.
P: Don't!(D: Save the world) Please don't
P: My only other card that made sense was a hamster in a hat so I was thinking,
P: If they were wearing a fursuit D:I Just know exactly what (bark) fanfiction people
are talking about there. (The memories oh god Dan please stop.) P: NO! I didn't
even think of that! D: Did you genuinely forget?
D: If you dont know what I'm talking about don't, no. (Please no more guys)
D; But we love that we've encouraged so much creative writing and art.
P: (flames) so much creativity..
P: you- you win. D: You don't win that round until you stop doing the hand thing
P: and that will be never
D: the last thing you'd want to find in your bed is..
P: Okay, I chose Phil. because if there was a clone of myself in my bed-
D: if you saw yourself in your own bed P: That would be scary.
D: I always ask this. Would you have sex with a clone of yourself?
P: (laughs) Would you? D: That's the real question.
D: Well here's the thing all right firstly yes but I think P: butt D: The exis-
D: I'd be like butt, woah. The existential horror of seeing myself,
D: and being afraid they would murder me, I'd definitely just choke them to death
D: and murder them P: Why would you murder them? D: Because there could only be one
D: I just know that's what would happen. P: That makes me scared of you.
P: Errr, I think (whirring) D: Wow you're thinking about this a lot.
P: I am thinking about this a lot! Here's the thing.
P: You're both the same person so why not use everything you've got (laughs)
P: It's not like your twin, you're the same person.
D: I just went yeah and didnt feel like I needed to go into it, you trying to
D: justiy it is the most uncomfortable thing I've experienced this year.
P: I think we'd both trip over, fall onto the bed and die. D: You'd smash your
D: awkward hands into each other and umm get pregnant. Anyway. I said a llama
P: that's very Dan 2012 (D: a cultural relic) You'd just see it and scream and
P: choke it..D: That's humour right there (P: Llamas!)
P: The next Dan Vs Phil will include blank and blank. D: Oh dear, umm
D: Yep, I think that the hurdles of Dan vs Phil season 2 will involve eating an
D: orange behind a live performance by 1D P: Can you put the picture on the screen
P: That's your finest moment Dan. D: So many things have just gone deep into a
D: mind-palace vault buried. Buried so deep. P: Do you wake up in the middle of
P: the night and just remember that? D: I haven't but now I will just cringe attack
D: randomly, when I least expect it. AND, Minion Yaoi.
D: Which is definitely out there P: How are they involved in Dan vs Phil?
D: Well Phil that's the question. It will involve eating oranges behind 1D and
D: lude tiny little yellow men. P: You know, mine had a similar theme,
P: somehow (laughs) D: (baah)-ing hell. P: Violently crafting and Hentai (laughs)
P: We'd have to make some dioramas. D: Okay look look look artists out there,
D: If your hentai isn't violently crafted are you even passionate about it?
P: That's the thing, we're gonna go hard on that play-doh (laughs)
P: Somehow- D: Somehow that three seconds was scarier than the 3 D&P crafts videos
P: Oh my god, did I win? D: I'm gonna give that to you again.
P: Yass D: Don't think that's anything to be proud of. P: Can I say hentai on
P: AmazingPhil? Am I allowed thst YouTube? D: (sings) It's a new dawn it's a new day
D: its a new community guidelines breach. P: For me, I've never had a community
guidelines breach, oh I just kicked the camera, sorry. Oh god.
D: It's time for Netflix and blank. P: Phil. D: Netflix and Phil.
P: Netlfix and Phil. D: I think it's gonna be much worse than that. It ain't chillin'
D: but it will be thrillin'. P: I've got one. D: Brand appropriate moment,
P: Go on. D: It's time for Netflix and dying alone.
P: OH (laughs) D: We all die alone. P: No you don't you die with the thoughts-
D: The moment you die, you are alone. P: You're swamped with the memories of
P: everything you've done and all of your loved ones holding your hand. D: For 5
D: minutes, and then you die. P: Stop it! It's time for Netflix and thrusting your
hips in front of a camera for the purpose of entertainment.
D: Who the (bark) would do that? That would be really weird, wouldn't it?
D: Imagine a time in the world where that was considered humour and cool.
D: and someone gained followers because people liked it. That would be a really
D: weird world. P: That would be crazy.
D: Dan one day wins the dance mat champion ship and celebrates by...
P: When I first met Dan he would just spend hours watching people do DDR
D: I was- I was- Oi. I was a competitive DDR community fan and I partook in the
D: e-sports P: It was an interesting sport to choose, D: You were like look at this
D: guy, looking at weird 30-year-old men playing DDR.
D: He seems cool. P: Everyone's got a hobby. D: I just won the dance mat
D: championship and I am celebrating with P: questioning your entire existence!
P: That's such a Dan one (Dan laughs) D: When did I stop?
D: And who's to say I'm not still now. That's why I haven't uploaded.
D: I would like to celebrate with.. Phil lap dancing to Toxic
P: (laughs) no one wants that! D: Purely for the spectacle. P: That would be
P: a spectacle. You know what? Out of all different kinds of dancing I think I
P:would be quite good at lap-dancing cause it involves a chair and you've got a sense
P: of balance. (Both laugh) I'm not very good with my legs. D: Of all the kinds of
D: dancing, I think I'd be good at lap dancing P: I think I could D: Phil Lester
D: 2021. P: I could hold the chair D: and then what? P: I could do a hip thrust
P: I can rub my butt on things. You don't need a lot of musical co-ordination,
P: with a lap dance. D: How dare you, you're offending a lot of genuinely good
D: strippers out there. P: I've never had one on me I don't know what they do.
P: Although, I went to a party at uni and someone did hire a gay stripper, and I was
P: there D: was it for you? P: It was not for me, but I did look at it.
D: That's a really cool story friend. Cool and anecdotal.
D: I dunno he was just there stripping.
P: That sounded so pervy. D: I really thought that story was gonna go somewhere
D: Not like once I saw a gay stripper. P: I was just saying I thought I hadn't seen
a stripper, but then I remembered- (Dan weirdly grunting)
D: Well I've never heard that story in 10 years so that's nice. P: I was actually
feeling very embarrassed most of the time, I didn't want people to be like oh look,
he's looking. D: I think I win that one. P: You win!
D: Purely for the stripper anecdote. P: Congratulations!
D: Buzzfeed (bark) copies Phil, who hasn't right? By making a video about blank.
D: I'm just thinking about the most interesting concept, and it's about a
D: sexually ambiguous nerd aww still true
P: You know what's funny? Mine's a full-time internet homo (both laughs)
D: Wow, and this was produced 5 years ago!
P: Blank will the next internet craze. D: Theres literally no good solution to this
P: Drinking cheesy sparkling water. I would like to watch other people do that,
P: but not do that myself. (laughs) D: I feel like you would just cry,
P: I would just explode, D: Why do I feel that would be some dumb TikTok trend tho
D: I'm combining cheese spray, and a SodaStream!
D: It's only right that the next internet trend everyone is obsessed about is..
D: Phil's meaty legs P: Not my meaty legs again! D: I got the Phil's meaty legs card
D: You need to celebrate the meaty legs Phil, you got the child-bearing hips.
P: I do, I've got the meat D: the hips don't lie. You need to back it up like a
D: dump truck. You need to start using it that's your next project. What the (baa)
did you tweet the other day? P: What did I tweet the other day? OnlyPhans- oh yeah
D: That's a thing that Phil tweeted, put that (bark) on the screen.
P: OnlyPhans D: I would like you to apologise to me.
D: For seeing that with my eyeballs P: that was in my head and I just had to
P: release it onto the internet Sometimes that happens, its a thing. D: It's my job
D: to be inappropriate and chaotic Phil. You're gonna throw the world into
unbalanced-ness. P: We're in the dark timeline now. You think we're getting an
P: office in the new place, it's actually my OnlyFans studio. I'm ready
P: I've got the pillow-a pillow (both burst out laughing)
D: Oh my god. Why did I agree to this, why am I back here?
P: I've got the backdrops. D: Does anybody want this? P: I've got the Santa hats
D: Is this content that the world needs P: I don't know, right. D: Is this what I
should be doing with my life? Are we undermining the things we are working
towards? P: This is just a fun little hangout D: Is this encouraging me to
give people content quicker, or much much slower? P: You wanna do something to
P: replace this as soon as possible D: Was that your whole agenda with this video?
D; That might work Phil P: I'll get him back on the channel.
P: Well thanks for that, that was fun! D: I would like to not buy the house with you
D: I'd like to distance myself from you P: we got any other spoilers?
D: What that we can give people? An exclusive leak? P: Throw a leek at them
D: There's a gap under our stairs, and I wanted to put something cool there, like a
D: Bonzai tree, but it would die, because we're (meow) so, I have made
P: Be Careful! D; They won't believe me! P: Aah! Can you believe Dan made this?
D: Sideways maple diorama with some rocks and some wood.
D: We crafted our whole goddamn place and it's tasteful. P: It is tasteful!
P: So if you enjoyed this and you want to hear some more D: If for some goddamn
D: reason, you want more of this, that isn't all gonna be degenerative filth
games, it might just be nice conversation and answering questions from them and
stuff. P: We wanna crawl inside your ears, if you would like that too, click the link
below, download Stereo, follow both of us and if you do you could win some pyjamas
(laughing) Or a (bark)-ing cube
P: Enjoy! D: Help us! What is all this (meow)? P: I don't know
P: It's a good drink in the end D: Thank you P: are you just chewing ice as you
look at me? What's happening? (giggles)
D: Leave me alone, I'm just vibing.
P: I hope you've enjoyed this very classic Dan and Phil video D: classically haunting
D: energy for some Dan and Phil content P: I'm sure you will see Dan again at some
point in the future, if not go listen to him. You can subscribe, ding my bell
like the video, do whatever you want to the video.
Let's say goodbye. D&P: Goodbye!
D: Until the next time.... P: Goodbye.